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CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-ONE

141JOANA'S POVMy heart skipped, then stuttered.It was not a question of having the wrong choice in Clinton. It was about Caleb presenting me with what it feels like to be loved without the burden of the past.I looked up into his eyes, and in them, I saw something that terrified me because it felt real.Felt like home.He got up, walked around the table, and leaned next to me. Gently, carefully, he leaned down.My breath was caught in my throat as his face approached me.I could stop this.I could retreat, turn my back, and be within the comfort of the undetermined.But I didn’t.Not this time.As his lips came close to mine, a thought rolled at the back of my mind like a distant thunder;I’ve made my choice.I withdrew myself from the kiss, and my cheeks were burning with a heat that I hadn’t felt in years. Not like this. Not this kind of warmth.It wasn’t the type of flushed warmth I was used to from being caught doing something I wasn’t supposed to be in the act of doing– it was

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-TWO

142 JOANA'S POV Minutes later, we all watched the screen in silence. In the footage, Daniel cornered Jake near the lockers. The words weren’t clear, but the aggression was. Shoving, mocking, laughing. Calling over his friends. It played like a loop. Day after day. Then, finally! –We saw Japheth arrive, and he came out in front of Jake, fists clenched. He told the boy off, and when Daniel pushed Jake again… Japheth lost it. The mouth of Mrs. Holden opened, and then it was closed. She didn’t speak. The principal paused the video. “In doing so, I feel that this was a reaction to bullying that was being experienced”. “I… I didn’t know,” Mrs. Holden murmured. “No, you didn’t,” I told coldly as I got up. And although I do not approve of Japheth’s response, I can see why he did it. My boys take care of each other. She turned to look at me, actually looked at me, and I saw her face colour red, not from anger this time, but shame! “I’ll have a word with Daniel”, she mumbled a

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-THREE

143JOANA'S POVWhen he finally turned and looked back at me, there was something I did not expect to see on his face – not anger, not bitterness. Sadness, yes. But beneath it, acceptance. And something even stranger.A smile.If that is the best thing for you, Jo, he said in a hoarse voice, “you should then go for it”.My heart twisted. “Clinton…”“I’m not kidding,” he said and stretched back. “You’ve always deserved to choose. Not out of guilt. Not out of obligation. But out of your own heart.His words floated like a lullaby that I never knew I needed.“You’re not mad?” I asked quietly.He laughed softly. “Of course I’m mad. I’m fuming…but not at you. I’m mad at times. Under circumstances. In the thousand things that went wrong before we ever had a chance to make it right”.His voice got somewhat choked at the end, and he cleared his throat and stood up straight.“I had my shot, Joana. And I blew it. I left you with the burden. I dissolved when I should have remained. I let my fami

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR

144 JOANA'S POV We hugged briefly. It was good to refer her to her dream somewhere else. After all the damage that I caused in my own life, it felt like a step towards healing. As she stood up to leave, the office door creaked open again. It was Caleb. In a navy blue shirt, which helped to make his shoulders wider than normal, he walked in with his usual confidence. His eyes swept over the room, stopping at Ciara. “Am I interrupting something?” She smiled and said her goodbyes politely. “Not at all, sir. I was just leaving.” As the door clicked, Caleb came up to my desk. I stood while trying to see the look on his face, between nervous and determined. There was no response at the beginning. Instead, he put my hand in his warm and firm hand. I had a stuttering heartbeat as I saw what he was holding. A ring. Not too laid back, not a cliché diamond. It was a rose-gold band bordered by an aquamarine stone in the centre. Unique. Soft. As it was not picked with a sho

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-FIVE

145JOANA'S POVThe following day, Clinton met me at the city’s financial district. The sky was mirrored by the glass, giving it a beauty that seemed cold. An eagerness radiated from the crowd as they waited inside. We went over the numbers, talked about forecasts, and readied ourselves for the presentation that could decide our future.Despite his charm, Clinton came across as calm and too professional. He had a way of being professional, as he liked to say, whenever it was needed for business. His voice was clear, and his words were lacking any resentment.He spoke to me as a fellow professional, valuing and believing in me. There was a part of me that hated how quickly we slipped back into our usual ways together. Even so, another, less noticeable side of me quietly endured an aching sense of mystery.The last meeting was decided to be held at a prestigious hotel in the city centre. Fancy walls covered in mirrors, velvet drapes, and a silence that not everyone can afford. We were e

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-SIX

146JOANA'S POVIt was two days later when I got a message from Clinton.“I hope you’re doing okay. What I mentioned in the elevator, I meant each and every word.I didn’t reply. I couldn’t.Still, I looked at the message several times.---I was at the children’s school for a meeting between parents and teachers. Clinton showed up, too. We were next to one another, keeping silent and acting properly.Yet, sometimes, his hand would accidentally touch mine. Every time he came up, my heart missed a beat that I pretended not to notice.After the meeting, we went out to the parking lot. The evening had freshened the air and given it a crisp feeling.“Jo,” he said.I looked away and put my hands into my coat pockets.“I promise not to make things more difficult for you. Given the chance, I would like you to know how I feel about you. I’d fight for us.”I shook my head. “Things aren’t different. And you walked away once. I can’t easily shut out those feelings.”“Even so, do you ever feel so

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-SEVEN

147JOANA'S POVAs he got nearer, his tone shook with strong emotions, whether it was just anger or even more. “Is there a chance I won’t let go of my fears? Whenever I see you, I fear you wish you were with him and not me."I placed my hand over my heart. "That’s not fair. I have always acted in a way that kept your trust in me. Never. I always remained by your side, even when you seemed to move away from me. Even when your jealousy leaves everything between us in ashes.”“Jealousy is the only emotion I experience whenever I think about the man who had you before me!” He shouted.Neither of us spoke, and the silence was like a powerful thunderclap.I took a step back. "So that’s it then. This is all about connecting with our true selves. Clinton had me first."He found it hard to speak but simply remained silent.I shook my head. “Caleb, you are not helping us by doing this. You’re fighting to beat him. No one is allowed to claim me as a prize to fight for."He looked away, jaw tight

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-EIGHT

148 JOANA'S POV Not anger this time—pain. Vulnerability. The boundary he always created between us now had flaws, and light could be seen inside. “Are you sure I have not let that happen?” I asked, brows furrowed. “I don’t know,” he admitted. There are days when I feel you understand me. Other times, staring at the way you look after him, the way you protect him, seems to throw everything in question. I sighed and looked off to one side, trying to choose my words wisely. Whatever else may come, Clinton will hold a place in my life. “We have a history. We share a past. We share children. That doesn’t go away, Caleb. It’s a fact of life. Still, that doesn’t mean I feel love for him.” His mouth closed and opened again, all while he seemed to process the information. I went on to say, “You are who I’m with now. You are the person I picked, Caleb. Not just because someone told me to. Not because it was convenient. Because I wanted to. I want us to work.” He gently reached

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-NINE

149JOANA'S POVThe restaurant was so beautiful it seemed like a dream.Beautiful, sparkling in gentle gold and enfolded by elegance. At the city’s border, it gazed up at the skyline, featuring tall and broad glass walls. As soon as I entered, pleasant music, a hint of vanilla, and a familiar concierge welcomed me.With a smooth smile, he said to her, “Miss Joana. Mr. Caleb wants to meet you. Please follow me this way.”He walked me through the dark passage to a cosy area near the large windows. Recognizing me, Caleb stood with a suit open at the collar and finished in black.I could definitely appreciate how good he looked that night.I could tell his grin was genuine, as it touched his eyes and made me think I was the only person there for him.When I got closer, the boy said, “Wow!” “You’re stunning.”I smiled and twitched the hair behind my ear. “I must say, you look rather good yourself.”He moved over and kissed me on the cheek, and after that, he pulled out my chair as I would

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY

150JOANA'S POVWith our fingers linked together, Caleb and I went back to the mansion, each of us remembering the promise we shared just before. Looking at my hand, I could see the ring shining softly and remembered what he said: Will you marry me?When we reached the living room, we heard everyone laughing.At that time, Jake, Japheth, and Mirabel were wide awake and pretending to climb Clinton as if he were a jungle gym. He just accepted it without any problem.From the way he acted, it looked like everything he lived for was times like these. We found out that Jake recognised us first. He looked at our hands as we clung to each other, and his eyes grew wider.He turned his head and asked, “Mommy? What made you start holding Uncle Caleb’s hand?”I stopped moving, almost choking on the next word I needed to say. Caleb nudged me slightly to indicate I should only reveal my feelings when I was comfortable.Clinton grinned and said, “They must like seeing you together, that’s all.”“Ci

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