Semua Bab Dying to Love You: Bab 71 - Bab 80

Rafael's kisses grew deeper, more urgent, his tongue sliding against mine in a way that made me forget about oxygen tubes and IV lines. His hand slipped lower, skating across my stomach to the waistband of my pajama pants."Is this okay?" he asked, always careful, always checking."Yes." I breathed. "Please.."His fingers dipped beneath the elastic, finding me already wet for him. I bit my lip to keep from moaning as he stroked me, knowing exactly how to touch me after so many months together."Fuck I love you" he whispered against my neck, his fingers circling in that perfect rhythm that made my toes curl. "Love you so fucking much, Sunny."I clutched at his shoulders, rocking against his hand. "Love you too. Don't stop."He didn't, working me steadily toward the edge, his mouth capturing mine to swallow my gasps. Release crashed over me suddenly, my body tensing then melting as pleasure rippled outward.Rafael held me through it, murmuring soft praise against my skin until my breath

Sam stirred as the door closed behind the nurse, blinking sleepily at the transformed room."What.... how did you...?" Her eyes widened as she took in the decorations."Like it?" I asked, suddenly nervous. Maybe it was too much, too obvious a reminder of what we were celebrating, and what we were losing.But her face lit up, the most genuine smile I'd seen in days spreading across her pale features. "It's beautiful."I helped her sit up, adjusting pillows behind her back. "May's bringing you something to wear. Said your current fashion statement"—I gestured to the hospital gown— "wasn't birthday appropriate."As if on cue, May poked her head through the door, her arms full of bags. "Am I interrupting?""Never," Sam replied, holding out her arms for a hug.May set down her burdens and embraced her sister carefully, her eyes meeting mine over Sam's shoulder. I saw the same knowledge there that lived in my chest, the awareness that this might be the last birthday, the last hug, the last

I didn't cry during the funeral. Not when they lowered her casket into the ground. Not when May completely broke down during her eulogy. Not even when Midnight, who I'd somehow smuggled into the cemetery inside my jacket, escaped my grasp to paw at the fresh dirt covering Sam's grave.I felt nothing. A vast, echoing emptiness where my heart used to be.The cemetery was packed, Sam had touched more lives than she'd ever realized. Her classmates, regulars from the bakery, even teachers who remembered the brilliant girl who'd never let her 'asthma' hold her back. Dr Aaron stood stoically beside his wife Karen, who kept shooting concerned glances my way. Damien hovered nearby, uncharacteristically subdued in a borrowed suit. Jennifer had closed shop for the day, bringing her entire staff to pay respects.Even Marcus showed up, standing at a respectful distance with red-rimmed eyes. I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore. Not when I'd seen his genuine grief when the trial medication

Sam's handwriting filled sheet after sheet, some portions written in her neat, careful script, others in a more hurried scrawl that I recognized from her bad days when breathing was difficult and concentration limited.{ My dearest Shade,If you're reading this, I'm gone. (Sorry for the cliché opening, but there's really no good way to start a letter like this)First, I want you to know how much I love you. Present tense, because even though I'm not there anymore, my love for you doesn't end just because I did. That's not how it works. Love doesn't disappear, it transforms. Maybe into memory, maybe into starlight, maybe just into the person left behind who carries it forward.I know you're angry right now. Angry at the world, at the disease, maybe even at me for leaving you. That's okay. I'd be furious too. Be angry. Throw things. Scream at the sky. Curse my name if you need to. I won't be offended, I promise.But don't stay there, Rafael. Don't let the anger harden into something per

"I don't know how to do this," I confessed. "How to be here without you. How to wake up every morning knowing you won't be there. How to go through all the fucking motions of living when you're gone."I traced her name on the headstone, the letters cold and unyielding beneath my fingers. "But I promised. And you always said I never break my promises."It was true. In our decade of friendship and the few months as more than friends, I'd never once broken a promise to Sam. No matter how small or seemingly insignificant, if I said I'd do something, I did it. She'd trusted that about me completely."So I'll try..." I whispered. "I'll go to MIT like we planned. I'll build those robots we talked about. I'll look after Midnight."The mention of the cat brought a fresh wave of pain. Sam had rescued Midnight three years ago, a half starved stray who followed her home from the bakery. He'd become her shadow, seemingly aware of her illness in the uncanny way animals sometimes are. He'd curl up