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Lahat ng Kabanata ng The Hockey Star Regret : Kabanata 11 - Kabanata 20

154 Kabanata

011

COLEEN There were days when I felt like I was finally adjusting to college. When the air didn’t feel so heavy with anxiety and I could walk into a lecture hall without scanning for a particular pair of hazel eyes. This was not one of those days. “Tell me again why you’re refusing to come,” Mark said for the third time as he dramatically sprawled across the beanbag in our living room, chewing on a Twizzler. “Because,” I said, not looking up from my laptop, “I’m two chapters behind in my reading, my back still hurts from working on the field, and I’m not in the mood to fake smile at strangers tonight.” “You wound me,” he said, clutching his chest. “This isn’t just any event. It’s the first open mic night of the semester. You know, music, food, awkward poetry from people who overshare… It’s a rite of passage.” I snorted. “You just want to get on stage and sing so the cute girls swoon.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Guilty. But seriously, you need to stop hiding in here like a recluse.

012

HAYDEN I’d never admit this to Alicia or anyone, but I’d started memorizing Coleen’s schedule. It wasn’t as creepy as it sounded. Okay, maybe it was a little creepy but it wasn’t like I was stalking her. I just… had this need to be aware of what she was up to. Honestly, it was a miracle I’d been able to keep this up without her knowledge. Not to talk of the fact that it was so fucking difficult to do given my class and practice schedule but I’ve somehow been able to make it work. Ever since that conversation in the library, something had shifted between us. She still kept me at arm’s length, but it wasn’t like the iron wall it used to be. And if there was a chance that Coleen was going to give me even the slightest opening, I wasn’t about to waste it. But something about her had felt off lately. When she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes as usual. She also flinched at sudden sounds and checked her phone like she was waiting for a bomb to go off. I knew what fear looked like and Co

013

COLEENI should’ve known the peace wouldn’t last.For a week, things had been… a bit quiet. Awkward glances with Hayden in class, polite nods in passing, the occasional “hi” exchanged like we were acquaintances, I could handle that. That I could control.But fear?Fear always found its way back and that had been my constant state. I was afraid that Chase was going to come back. He wasn’t one to give up just because of a threat and I was not looking forward to seeing his face again.It happened just after my shift ended. I’d just finished cleaning the last locker room trash bin and was halfway through typing a text Mark when I heard footsteps behind me. At first, I didn’t turn. The stadium always had people milling around. Maintenance staff, players, coaches, it could have been anybody.But then a voice sliced through the evening air like a blade.“Still walking alone, huh?”My heart stopped for a moment and I turned to look at the man that had been tormenting my mind for a while now.

014

HAYDENI couldn’t sleep.Not because of school, not because of hockey, and not because of my parents’ latest email suggesting I stop wasting my potential and to reconsider Harvard.Those would have been more than enough reason for me to stay awake but my insomnia wasn’t cause by any of that.I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t get the thought of Coleen off my mind no matter how much I tried.I thought about the look in her eyes when she saw Chase. The way my heart damn near caved in when she let me walk her home.What I felt concerning her wasn’t just guilt anymore. It wasn’t just about righting a wrong.It was all her and she was getting under my skin in a way no one ever had. The funny part is that she didn’t even have to try. Hell, I wished she’d stop looking at me with that mixture of confusion and gratitude because it made it hard for me to breathe anytime I saw that look.She literally took my breath away and I didn’t know what to do about that.So, naturally, I texted the one

015

COLEENI didn’t go to class the next morning.It wasn’t something I usually did but I needed today. I just wanted to relax at home and take a moment to breathe and pretend like the outside world didn’t exist.I sat curled on the far end of the couch in our tiny living room, wrapped in a blanket I didn’t remember grabbing, with my laptop open but untouched on my lap. My phone sat on the coffee table in front of me, screen dark but still pulsing in the back of my mind like a bomb waiting to go off.Blocked or not, Chase had a way of getting under my skin.“Okay,” Mark said, stepping into the apartment with a smoothie in one hand and his bag slung across his chest. “You, my friend, have officially become a hermit.”I blinked. “I live here, dumbass. You can’t call me a hermit for staying in my apartment.” I replied.“Yeah, but when you start blending into the furniture like a throw pillow, it’s time for an intervention,” he retorted.He plopped onto the couch beside me and handed me the s

016

HAYDENThe rink had always been home.The first time I skated, I was five and wearing gear three sizes too big. I fell on my face six times in twenty minutes and cried so hard my mom bought me ice cream just to shut me up. She half expected me to give up but I came back the next day. And the day after that, and the day after and I never stopped.There was something about the ice, how it demanded balance, control and precision. You couldn’t fake it on the ice. You either handled it well or you fell on your fucking face.Lately, it had been eating me alive.I skated drills like my legs were made of stone. I missed passes, overshot the puck, and snapped at my teammates more times than I could count. I couldn’t stop thinking about Coleen. Her flinch when I got too close, her voice cracking when she told me about Chase and I especially hated the role I had played in the past to make her feel that way.I hated the fact that I’d ever made her feel smaller. She was a fucking force of nature

017

COLEENThe next morning felt different.I woke up feeling lighter than I had in weeks. I felt like all the inner turmoil I’d been going through had finally settled.Like I’d been drowning and now I was comfortably treading water. I felt good about it, not in a giddy sense but more of a calm and relaxed manner.I kept replaying the night before in my head. The way Hayden had shown up. The way he didn’t beg or demand or even try to explain things away. He just... showed up, took accountability for his actions and promised to do better. And for once, that was enough.I was still skeptical but a tiny part of me, buried deep under the cynicism was curious about what all these meant, and also a bit hopeful.And that terrified me more than anything.I was halfway through walking across the quad when I nearly collided with Alicia.“Whoa! Watch it, Maine,” she said, catching me before I dropped my coffee.“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you,” I said.She grinned. “Clearly. Daydreaming about a

018

HAYDENThe rink was already humming by the time I laced up my skates.Coach didn’t even need to give the usual pre-game speech. We all knew what was at stake. Game night against Westport State wasn’t just about points or rankings, it was personal. They played dirty. They trash-talked in DMs. They hacked at your ankles and smiled when the ref wasn’t looking.I thrived on that kind of pressure.But tonight, it wasn’t just about winning.It was about her.Coleen.I’d seen her in the stands during warm-ups. Third row, wrapped in a dark hoodie, hair up, arms crossed like she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be here or disappear. But she was here. and that mattered more than I could admit to anyone, including myself.I was going to play the best game of my life. Not for Coach, not even for the win.For her.“Center up,” Coach called out, motioning me forward. “Let’s go, Michaels.”I stood, tapped my stick twice on the ice, and skated to the face-off circle.The Westport center gave me a grin l

019

COLEENThere are two types of best friends.The first kind brings you soup when you're sick, offers gentle advice when you’re heartbroken, and gives you quiet comfort when the world feels too loud.The second kind bursts into your room at 9 a.m. the morning after a very important hockey game win, yelling, “The only reason why you would be blushing like the cat that got the cream is if you were thinking about Hayden and I can bet my first kid that I’m so right!”Mark, unfortunately, was the second kind. Don’t get it twisted he was also very good at offering words of comfort and encouragement but this was his specialty.I groaned into my pillow. “Get out, Mark. I don’t want to see you,” I said.“Nope.” His voice was far too energetic for this ungodly hour. “Not until you spill. As your best friend, I’m obligated to know every single detail of what happened between you and Mark after the game. You abandoned me after all.”I peeled back the blanket just far enough to glare at him. He was

020

HAYDENI didn’t hate my life. No, far from it.I know that I was born into a certain kind of privilege that most people could only dream of but never attain. That didn’t make growing up in my family a walk in the park.Most people looking from the outside in would never understand this and I felt like complaining about it would just make me look like a nagging bitch but the truth was, my family was exhausting and unfortunately for me, I was stuck having brunch with them today.Brunch with my family felt a lot like going into overtime down two points. You knew you were going to be exhausted, probably roughed up, and you weren’t even guaranteed a win.I’d almost forgotten how suffocating they could be until I stepped into the private dining room of the luxury rooftop café and saw them all sitting there. My mom in a crisp ivory blazer, flipping through something on her tablet. My dad, reading the financial section of the Wall Street Journal like the market might personally request his o

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