Semua Bab “Daddy, Will You Ever Love Me?”: Bab 1 - Bab 10

And that was part of my problem. Because, originally, I had been daddy's little girl. After mom died, my dad had been such an integral part of my life. I owed most of who I was to him, in my opinion. And way back then, things had been different. He had been warm toward me. We did everything together. Of course, those few years after my mom passed, it was just my dad and my two little sisters. Despite being seven when we lost her, I tried to step in and fulfill the role of "mom" where I could. Looking back, I doubt I did a very good job. But I had meant well. I took over taking care of Ally. It was usually me who changed her diapers, gave her baths, got her to bed. Monica, fortunately, outgrew the need for diapers by the time she was three, so there wasn't much need for my assistance there.Those next few years as I approached my teens, I thought my dad and I were tight. I can remember many nights where he would help me put my sisters down for bed and then let me stay up for hours with

As I tossed and turned in my bed, trying to get comfortable, the memory kept assaulting me every time I shoved it away. When I had first experienced it, I was awestruck by what I saw. But as the years ticked by and I got older, that memory had started having a different effect on me. More than just "awe" and despite my father's obvious hatred toward me, I slowly became obsessed by what I had seen. Especially his penis. It was somewhere during these years where I discovered how to masturbate. At that time, my fantasies took on a whole new level when I conjured up visions of touching my father's penis. I wondered what it would be like if I gave him the same kind of pleasure I experienced when I touched my own genitals.And then came my experience last year. When I lost my virginity. Up until then, I had successfully blocked all thoughts of my father from my head. But that night, in the heat of the moment, the memory had popped into my head, more vividly than ever before. I was taken com

That was why my father despised me so much. I reminded him too much of my mom. His deceased wife. My tears turned into sobs. I cried so hard, I could barely breathe. I cried for the loss of my mom, the pain long buried but still powerful. I cried for the distance that had grown between me and my sisters when I fled the family to college. And most of all, I cried for the love I had for my father that would never be returned. I was cursed with my mother's body, a constant, walking reminder to everyone of what they could no longer have.[Jealousy.]After getting dressed (in a relatively conservative outfit, I should add), I couldn't quite get up the nerve to head upstairs just yet. Not after that weird encounter with my dad after my shower. Now that I knew the reason why he despised me, I didn't want to look at him and see the hurt in his eyes. But after a while, Ally came down to my room and told me they were going to the mall and asked if I wanted to go."Did dad ask you to ask me?" I

Quickly brushing my teeth and using the toilet, I decided I didn't feel like taking a shower. My body was still warm from my workout and I didn't feel like going to bed with wet hair. Flipping the lightswitch off, I slunk back into the hall and started padding my way toward the basement once more. But just as I took a step past my dad's room, his door made a creak. My heart leapt up into my throat and I almost cried out as I stared at the door and watched it swing inward. But it only moved a couple inches before stopping. Holding my breath, I stood still, waiting to make sure nobody was moving inside there. The last thing I wanted right then was a confrontation with my father. I don't even know why.After a grueling five seconds, nobody came out of my father's room. Still holding my breath, I lifted my foot to take a step and then stopped. I heard something from inside his room. Something that made me frown. Unable to resist, I leaned closer to his slightly ajar door, listening.There

"Wow, Gracie!" Monica said. "You look amazing!"My dad was sitting on his recliner and he looked over when he noticed my sisters' reactions. His reaction was completely different. His eyes narrowed as he quickly took me in. I felt like I was going through a security checkpoint at the airport! When he reached my face again, his face full of disapproval, he asked, "Where the hell are you going dressed like that?"Heat flooded my cheeks. I felt completely embarrassed. I should have expected his reaction, but it still had an instantly negative effect on my emotion. I fired back, "Dressed like what?" I was pissed.He rolled his eyes at me, pointedly looking at my entire body. My outfit. Then he growled, "Like THAT." I felt like I had just been slapped in the face.Fighting back tears, I grabbed my purse and pretended like I was looking for something. Then I muttered, "I'm going out with a friend.""A male friend?" my dad asked.What the fuck? His question pissed me off so bad that I lied i