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Home / Romance / Too Late for Regret: My Husband and My Son / Kabanata 111 - Kabanata 120

Lahat ng Kabanata ng Too Late for Regret: My Husband and My Son: Kabanata 111 - Kabanata 120

270 Kabanata

111

Julian's POV This kid was getting big too quick, on account of loss.I shut the door soft, then moved to a driver seat. As soon as I sat down and got the engine going, the radio came on by itself playing a happy morning tune way too happy for the mood in the car.I turned it off.Silence returned.The auto moved out of the area, going slow on paths still wet with drops. Trees by the road shook gently in the wind and sunlight came through the leaves making bright lines across the blacktop.In the mirror, I saw Maximilian holding his school bag close, like it was the only thing keeping his world from falling apart again.I cleared my throat soft, trying to find words that wouldn’t make him cry but also wouldn’t make him feel lonely.“Maximilian,” I called carefully.He turned slightly. “Hm?”I gave a light smile. "After school Dad will pick you up."His eyes moved fast, like he was thinking

112

Julian's POV "Your mom is ill," I went on, my tone gentler now. "And she’s getting help. That’s it. If anyone asks, you just say your mom is taking a break and getting looked after."He bit his lip. “What if they still say it?”I breathed out, then said, “If they say something, you tell a teacher or call Dad.”He swallowed. “Will Dad come?”"Yes." I gazed at him with no doubt. "Dad will come."His eyes were on my eyes for a long time, like he was trying to see if I would go away like Vivienne went before. Then he gave a slow nod, even with tears that stuck to his lashes.I started driving again.The school showed up at the end of the road, a big building with a high gate, a broad yard, and the sound of a small bell that just rang signaling that class time was nearly here.Cars began lining up at the entrance.When I stopped to let him out Maximilian suddenly took hold of the back of the front seat.

113

Ophelia's POV I sat near the window with a cup of chamomile tea that was cold now. The steam was gone. I didn’t know how long it had been, just like the warmth that used to fill my heart each time I heard Julian’s name. Now, all that was left was an empty feeling and a slow pain, like something that wouldn’t go away.It had been more than a week.Over a week has passed since Julian and Maximilian went into their new way of life, a thing that always seemed to include Vivienne.I closed my eyes.Vivienne, the lady who was once Julian’s spouse. The lady who, for years, had been a veil between me and my own joy. The lady who went away without saying why but came back with a tale that made all hold their hearts and feel pity for her.The watch on the wall ticked gently, too loud in the quiet of the flat that seemed larger than normal. I opened my eyes and saw my image in the window pane neatly dressed, hair arranged, but eyes that had los

114

Ophelia's POV In this little flat I picked myself so I wouldn't bother Julian's area, everything seemed very still. An eating table made for one. A couch too big for my body by itself. Walls that bounced back every breath like the noise of being aloneI let out a big sigh, fixing the cushion on my knees. “Why am I this way ?” I said to myself.I knew Julian must be with Maximilian. I knew he had to get his son ready for seeing his mom again all of a sudden. I knew he needed to check if Vivienne was fine after her sickness was shown.All of it made sense. Logically.But sense didn’t aid muc͏h when my emotions seemed like they were being softly squeezed every day.I grabbed my phone. There was no text from Julian since morning, just work alerts and a note from my mom asking if I ate.Not “I will be home late” or “Maximilian is sleeping at Mom.”When in the early days of us getting close again Julian always made sure I

115

Ophelia's POV I was the person who walked out of the home because Julian said he wanted to think about Vivienne first. I was the one who mentioned I needed time to pull myself together. I was the one who picked to stay in this flat. That was just another reason not to bother them.I chose this.But I never imagined it would hurt this much.I went down to sit on the kitchen ground, resting against the cupboard, bringing my knees to my stomach.The quiet pressed more on my chest, making it feel small."Am I bad?" I said softly. "Am I bad to wish that I'm also in his life?"Tears at last dropped. One bit, then a next, gently going down.I don’t dislike him. I don’t dislike Vivienne. But I also don't know if I can stand being between a story that is still not done that they have together.Especially when I see Julian spending more and more time with Vivienne.Maximilian, wow that kid even s

116

Julian's POV I was standing by the apartment door for a long time, looking at the numbers on the wall like I wished this was just a dream. The hall felt too small for my breath, too quiet for the sound in my mind.Ophelia's note had been bouncing in my head. That note I knew. It wasn’t a note of wishing, not one of worry. It was the note of a person getting ready for their heart to feel pain.I exhaled once more and knocked.There was no answer the first time.I stayed still, waiting and listening for steps by the door. The hall was so calm that I could hear my heart beat more than normal. I was just going to knock once more when I softly heard something shift, maybe a seat or careful steps.My hand curled into a fist at my side.I didn’t know where to start. When did all things get so hard? Was it when Vivienne came back? Or was it when I thought I could change my life without really finishing the past?My phone wa

117

Julian's POV Guilt. Love. Regret.I wiped my face with two hands. “I’m not going back to the past, Ophelia. I just can’t be chilly when she’s struggling like that”“So you still care,” she whispered.“Of course I care. She’s the mother of my child.”"That ain't what I meant," she said, her voice soft but sharp. "Do you still love her?"The query struck me once more, this moment more straight.I looked at the ground trying to find a reply that didn't seem like backstab.Do I love Vivienne?Love doesn't really go away. It just turns into something else. Sometimes it is anger. Other times, it’s being far apart. At times, it's a memory that we act like isn’t there anymore “Vivienne is the mom of my kid,” I said slowly. “She’s gone through many things͏. I just want to be sure she’s okay.”Ophelia shut her eyes for a bit. “That’s not what I wanted.”I rubbed the back of my neck. “I have no

118

Ophelia's POV Julian’s embrace was so warm, so tight, that I could barely breathe. But the tightness wasn’t because of his arms around me it was because of the guilt crushing my chest from the inside. His forehead rested against the top of my head, his breath trembling as if he was truly afraid of losing me. It broke me. Because I knew I was holding him with a lie. “I care,” he had said. His voice had been so sincere, so afraid, like someone who had found something precious and panicked at the thought of losing it. At that moment, I wanted to cry not out of happiness but because I realized how cruel I was. I’m sorry, Julian. I shouldn't have done this. I clutched his shirt tightly, trying to steady my own trembling. I knew I was wrong. So very wrong. But what was I supposed to do? For more than a week he had been going home late, or not coming home at all. All for Vivienne. Vivienne who came back. Vivienne who was

119

Ophelia's POV I don’t know what came over me. At that moment, I just wanted to stop him. To hold him back. To force him to look at me, just once. And from some part of me I don’t even recognize, the words slipped out.“I’m pregnant.”The biggest lie that has ever left my mouth.And now, as Julian holds me as if his life depends on me, part of me wants to scream for forgiveness. But another part, the one that is afraid, fragile, and wounded, whispers that this is the only way to make him stay.“I don’t know what to do,” I murmured, pressing my face into his chest. That wasn’t entirely a lie. I truly didn’t know.Julian stroked my hair gently. So gently. The movement made me want to freeze in place, pretend everything was fine. “I care,” he said again.And those words pierced me even deeper.I wanted to tell the truth. God knows I did. But if I did it now, he would leave. He would walk away without looking back. And I couldn't. I couldn't face that.

120

Ophelia's POV The thought was selfish. Cruel. Yet it felt like the only thing I had left to hold onto.And when his arms tightened around me again, when he kissed the top of my head gently as if I were something precious, I knew one thing for certain.I wasn’t ready to lose this.Not ready to lose him.So I stayed quiet. Stayed in his warm embrace, savoring the lie for one second longer.My tears fell uncontrollably. “I’m sorry.” I whispered, though I only dared say it in my heart.Sorry because I’m not strong enough to let you go. Sorry because I’m too selfish to let you return to the woman you truly love. Sorry because I chose a lie over losing you.Julian thought I was crying out of fear. But only I knew the real reason because every second in his arms felt heavier on my heart.And I didn’t know how long I could keep this lie alive.“Then,” Julian said gently but firmly, “let’s go to the hospital now.”I froze.It felt

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