All Chapters of Don't Love Me: Chapter 71 - Chapter 80

95 Chapters

Found but Still Lost

I hear rumbling and the crunch of gravel, then the sound of banging. My throat is dry, and my head is pounding, my body feels like it took a beating. My wrists and ankles are rubbed raw from where I struggle against the ropes that are no longer there. I'm lying on the cold floor, completely naked and in pain.At some point, she had taken me off the chair so that she could access more of my body. There wasn't a hole or surface that was left untouched. I could feel a burning sensation in every place a tattoo had been applied and I couldn't bring myself to look down to see what had been permanently drawn onto my skin. Even if I could, I wouldn't be able to see much in the dark.I hear voices coming closer, and I pull my legs into my chest in a fetal position, doing my best to cover myself as much as possible. I don't hear the click of heels but the number of footsteps I hear still stirs fear in me.A flashlight shines in my direction and I cower and close my eyes. I know closing my eyes

Doctor's Report

"She has quite a few injuries but none that are life-threatening or require a stay at the hospital. If she is more comfortable here, then it's best she stays put," Dr. Fullsom says."How bad is it?" I ask, even though I know her injuries go far beyond the physical."Nothing points to any bad physical injuries. The nature of the injuries suggest that she experienced more emotional trauma than physical. The words permanently etched on her skin, the obvious sexual assault, the rope burns from being tied down and the cut hair all point to a loss of autonomy. Whoever had her wanted to make her feel like she had no control. She will be struggling more with the mental repercussions of this event much longer than the physical. She should heal up within a week," he explains."What can we do to help her?" I ask. Desperate for anything I can do to speed up Alexa's recovery and lessen her pain and suffering."Proper aftercare for her fresh tattoos is essential. I wrote a prescription for an ointm

The Day After

"Maybe later," I respond vaguely. "What I really want is to take a bath. I feel gross.""How about I run the shower for you. You need to steer clear of baths for the next few weeks because of the tattoos," she explains."Right," I say, looking down to see what they look like. I'm covered in a long-sleeved pajama top and I wonder if it's to keep me from seeing them. Based on the one on my finger, I can guess that I won't like the rest.I pull back the sheets and gingerly move my legs off the side of the bed. My clit and surrounding area is rubbed raw, so I walk slowly to the ensuite.Tatiana has the shower running and she's testing the heat of the water. There is a chair waiting for me in the shower, which I'm grateful for."Here, let me help you with your clothes," she offers.I let her undress me and do my best to keep my eyes away from the mirror. Tatiana seems to understand the goal and keeps me angled away. She gently gets me undressed and seated in the shower, with the spray angl

Unravelling the Plot

I spend my days in my bedroom, study or the gym so that I don't cross paths with Alexa. I can't bring myself to leave the condo even though I know she's not ready to see me. I can't leave until she's okay, but she's also not ready to let me help her.Dante was able to speak to her after she spent a couple of days with Tatiana. I know all the messed up things Valentina said and did and I know what she revealed about me. I can't imagine what Alexa is thinking but I'm sure it isn't good. I don't want her filling in the details on her own, I'd rather her know the truth.She knows me in a way no one ever has before and now that the doors have been open to the darker side of my life, I want to be able to explain it to her. A very big part of me wants her to not only understand this side of me, but accept it as well. I spend hours in the gym every day punching all my anger and aggression out. I miss Alexa and I want to kill Valentina and anyone who helped her do it.Alexa will never be the s

Tatiana's Advice

It's been a week since the incident. That's what I call it because it allows me to minimize it in my head. My body is no longer sore. The tattoos can be a little sensitive to the touch, but most of the time I don't feel them. Tatiana makes sure to do all the aftercare for them because I'm in complete denial they're there and wouldn't remember to do it.Three times a day she cleans them and applies cream. I'm sure I'll be grateful down the line. If they don't heal properly or get infected, I assume that might affect the possibility of getting them lasered off down the line.I know I should be going to therapy of some sort, but I also don't know if there is a therapist specialized in mob abductions and torture. I also don't know if I'd be allowed to talk to a professional about this. I highly doubt Cass would want me divulging his past as a murderer to anyone."What's going on in that head of yours, Alexa?" Tatiana asks, as I sit on my bed and stare out the window."How am I supposed to

Real Talk

I've been sleeping so much this past week that my internal clock is completely out of time with the day. I wake up and check the digital clock to see that it's 2:00am. I roll on my back, then to my other side to see the skyline, beautifully lit up at night. I stare, unfeeling into the night for a few minutes before I hear someone sigh, alerting me to their presence, sitting in a chair in the corner. It's only their silhouette, but I can tell it's Cass.I don't know what to say to him yet, so I just watch him as he watches me in return. There's a calmness in the room that I've missed this week. I think that part of the reason I didn't want to see him all week is because I knew I would feel this way, and it might override my better judgement."I've missed you," he says calmly. I can hear the longing in his tone. I want to be able to say it back, but I hold back. I'm not trying to hurt him, but I've lost trust in him and he needs to earn it back.He stands and walks closer to me. He lean

The Plan

I sit in the corner chair watching her sleep. Physically, she's healing, but emotionally she still has some ways to go. She hasn't opened up yet to anyone about what happened, not even Tatiana. Valentina took something from her and I have no idea how to give it back to her.I want to hold her. I want to crawl into the bed beside her, pull her into me and feel her relax. She used to sleep so peacefully in my arms that I could feel her trust. Now I realize how easily she gave it to me and how little I protected it. I don't know if she can ever trust me that way again, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn her trust back.This past week without her has taught me something; I love her. I promised her I wouldn't. I told her it was impossible, but I was wrong. I was a cocky bastard. Now I need her more than air and she's considering leaving me. How did we end up so far apart in such a short time?I run my fingers through my hair for the millionth time today, frustrated at the

Healing

Cass leaves me alone the whole next day, but now that we've spoken, our divide has thawed and I miss him. All week after the incident, I was afraid to speak to him because I felt like I didn't know him. That feeling only grew each day that we were apart, but last night we had that same easy way of talking even though the topics were heavy. He didn't feel like a stranger anymore.I've had a day to appreciate the space he gave me and how hard it must have been for him, because I know how much I've missed him today. I waited for him to come to me all day, but he never did. Part of me was still having a hard time being the one to reach out. The most I could do was hang out in common spaces and hope to run into each other. We never did, and it showed me just how hard he was working to respect my boundaries.By evening, I couldn't stand the distance anymore. I tentatively made my way to his study, where I figured he was hiding out, and I was right. The door was cracked open, so I lightly kn

But You Promised

I feel her freeze and I'm worried I've hurt her. "What's wrong? Where do you hurt?" I ask in a panic, taking a step back to look her over.She closes her legs and slips off the desk quietly and starts retrieving her clothes."Talk to me," I plead.She quickly dresses and I throw my pants on so that I'm not naked for whatever is coming next.She finally looks up at me and says, "You can't love me.""It's impossible not to love you," I say, like it's the most obvious thing in the world."You promised. We weren't supposed to fall in love," she says quietly. She can barely make eye contact.I walk towards her, unable to stand the distance, but she steps back just as I get close enough to touch her. I try to respect her boundaries and stay back, saying, "Alexa, I think we know that this has become so much more than what we anticipated when we made that agreement two months ago."She looks at the books lining the shelf beside her while she gathers her thoughts. She's like a deer in headligh

I Love You

I wake up in Cass's arms and feel like I'm finally home for the first time since being taken. I snuggle deeper into his body and try to enjoy the feeling without thinking about the deeper implications of this moment. Am I really accepting a relationship with this dangerous man beyond the contractual one we currently have?It's impossible to completely enjoy the moment once the thought comes into my head, so I decide to open my eyes and enjoy the view from his bedroom window. It's by far the best in the house, for sure better than the one in the guestroom I was in. I slowly open my eyes to the pink sky and rising sun and am blown away. At this angle I can only see the sky and the far away horizon. It's breathtaking.Cass stirs behind me. He pulls me tighter against him and groans as he slowly moves his hips against me, his c-ck semi-hard already. I make the mistake of looking down at his arm where he holds me only to catch sight of the tattoo on my forearm saying 'wh-re'. I tense and w

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