All Chapters of Pathological dependence: Chapter 31 - Chapter 37

Spring bled into early summer, bringing with it the frantic energy of finals and the looming reality of graduation. The fragile normalcy Leonard and Paul had built—their clandestine dinners, their quiet evenings in Paul’s apartment, the simple, hard-won comfort of falling asleep next to someone—was now shadowed by a pressing question: What next?The ethics committee’s review had resulted in a formal reprimand for Paul and a permanent note in his file. He was barred from teaching undergraduate courses for two years. It was a professional blow, but not a fatal one. He still had his research, his graduate students. But the university, once his kingdom, now felt like a gilded cage, a place of sidelong glances and quiet judgment.They were sitting on the floor of Paul’s living room, surrounded by a sea of Leonard’s textbooks and notecards. The air was warm, the window open to let in the evening breeze. Leonard had just finished his last final exam. A strange, weightless feeling had settled

Oregon was a world of green. Lush, rain-washed evergreens pressed against the sky, a stark contrast to the East Coast's brick and ivy. Their new apartment was small, sunlight streaming through bare windows, boxes stacked like a cardboard city in every room. The air smelled of fresh paint and pine-scented cleaning products. It was a blank slate, heavy with the promise and terror of new beginnings.The first few days were a whirlwind of practicalities—setting up internet, buying groceries, learning the labyrinthine streets of their new town. Paul had found a part-time teaching position at a small liberal arts college and was building a private practice. Leonard was preparing for the start of his graduate program in the fall. They were busy, purposefully so, using the mundane tasks to avoid the larger, unspoken question of how they would fit together in this new, ordinary life.On the third day, they tackled the study, a small room they’d decided would be their shared office. Leonard was

Paul had never been one for birthdays. His own, especially, had always felt like just another day—a marker of time passing, often spent grading papers or preparing lectures. Celebrations felt frivolous, and being the center of attention made him uncomfortable. It was a holdover from a childhood where achievements were noted, but feelings were rarely celebrated.So, when his birthday arrived that fall, he expected nothing. He mentioned it offhand to Leonard a week prior, more as a calendar note than a hint. Leonard had simply nodded, saying, "Okay," and Paul had thought nothing more of it.The day began normally. Paul taught his morning class, saw a couple of therapy clients in his home office, and was mentally preparing for an evening of reading journal articles. When he walked out of his office at five o'clock, he stopped short.The living room was transformed. The lights were dimmed, and the curtains were drawn against the early evening dark. Dozens of small, warm-white fairy lights