All Chapters of Pathological dependence: Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

9 Chapters

Chapter 1

The nightmare came again at 3 AM. Leonard jerked awake, his heart pounding like it wanted to escape his chest. The sheets were damp with cold sweat, sticking to his skin. He could still smell the old, dusty carpet from the dream, feel the rough hands. Ten years, and the memory felt as sharp as yesterday.He sat up, rubbing his face. The dorm room was silent except for the soft hum of his roommate's computer. Darkness pressed against the window. He was alone with the ghosts in his head.His hand moved under the covers almost on its own. It was the only thing that worked, the only way to quiet the noise, to push the images back into the shadows. Shame followed immediately, hot and sharp. I'm disgusting. But the need was stronger, a desperate craving for a few moments of peace. Afterward, he lay there, empty and hating himself, watching the digital clock numbers change until the sky lightened.Morning classes were a blur. He moved through the campus like a ghost, unseen. Students laughed

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 2

Emily was already at their usual table in the corner of the campus café, two steaming mugs of coffee waiting. She pushed one towards him as he slid into the seat. Her sharp eyes scanned his face, missing nothing.“You look like hell, Leo,” she said, no sugar-coating. That was Emily. A grad student in psychology herself, she was too smart and too direct for pleasantries. It was why he liked her, and why he was terrified of her.“Thanks,” he mumbled, wrapping his hands around the warm mug. The heat felt good. Real. “Just… didn’t sleep much.”“Yeah, I got that from the text.” She took a sip of her coffee. “What happened in Weston’s class? You shot out of there like a bat out of hell. And that question…” She lowered her voice. “That was… bold.”Leonard’s stomach clenched. He focused on a crack in the table. She knows. She knows how messed up I am. “It was stupid,” he muttered. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”“It wasn’t stupid,” Emily countered. “It was relevant. But, Leo… are you okay

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 3

The door swung open silently. Paul’s office wasn’t what Leonard had expected. He’d imagined something cold, sterile, like a doctor’s office. This was warm. Bookshelves lined the walls, filled with dense volumes. A soft lamp glowed on a large, wooden desk, casting a gentle light. There was a comfortable-looking armchair and, surprisingly, a small, plush sofa. The air smelled like old books and faintly of sandalwood.Paul looked up from his desk. He wasn't wearing his suit jacket, just a simple blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He looked younger, more approachable. He gave Leonard a small, reassuring smile.“Leonard. Come in. Please, close the door behind you.”Leonard did, the click of the latch sounding final. He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure what to do with his hands.“Sit wherever you’re comfortable,” Paul said, his voice calm. He gestured to the armchair and the sofa. “The chair is more formal. The couch is… well, it’s more for relaxing.”The ch

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 4

The walk back to his dorm felt different. The evening air wasn’t just cold; it felt clean. The streetlights weren’t just bright; they cast warm, hopeful pools on the pavement. For the first time in years, the heavy blanket of despair had lifted slightly, allowing a sliver of light to touch him. He felt… lighter. The crushing weight on his chest had eased, just a little.He replayed the session in his head. Paul’s calm voice. The understanding in his eyes. “It’s a treatable condition.” The words were a mantra, a shield against the familiar voice of shame that usually hissed in his ear. He didn’t think I was disgusting. He thought I was hurt.Emily was in their shared living space, working on her laptop. She looked up as he entered. “Hey. You look… better.” Her tone was cautious, observational.Leonard managed a small, genuine smile. “I feel better. Just… went for a walk. Cleared my head.” The lie came easier this time, coated in the afterglow of his session. He wasn’t ready to share th

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 5

The week between the appointments passed in a strange, suspended state. Leonard went through the motions of his classes, but his mind was elsewhere. He found himself looking forward to Wednesdays with an intensity that scared him a little. It was the only fixed point in his week, the only time he felt like he was actively moving towards something, instead of just surviving.When he walked into Paul’s office for the second time, the room felt familiar, almost welcoming. Paul greeted him with the same warm, professional smile.“How have you been this week, Leonard?” he asked, gesturing to the same armchair.“Okay,” Leonard said, sitting down. It was mostly true. The nightmares were still there, but the crushing weight of hopelessness had lessened. “A bit better, I think. Just… knowing there’s a reason for it all. It helps.”“Good. Understanding is the first step toward control,” Paul said, leaning back in his chair. He looked thoughtful. “Today, I’d like to try something practical. A si

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 6

Back in the silence of his dorm room, Leonard tried to recreate the calm. He sat on the edge of his bed, closed his eyes, and placed a hand on his stomach, just like Paul had shown him. He took a slow, deep breath, pushing his stomach out.It felt hollow. The breath was just air moving in and out. The silence of the room was oppressive, not peaceful. The memory of the nightmare from the night before lingered at the edges of his mind, a dark stain the breathing couldn't wash away. He tried again, focusing harder. But without Paul's low, guiding voice, without the firm, warm pressure on his wrist, the exercise felt empty. It was just a mechanical action. The knot of anxiety in his chest remained, tight and stubborn.Frustration bubbled up inside him. Why isn't it working? He was doing everything right. But the magic was gone. The profound sense of safety and calm he had felt in Paul's office was nowhere to be found. It was like trying to start a fire with wet wood; the components were t

Last Updated : 2025-12-04

Chapter 7

The nightmare was worse than usual. It wasn't just fragments this time; it was a full, suffocating reel. The dusty carpet smell, the crushing weight, the paralyzing fear—it was so vivid he woke up choking on a scream, his heart hammering against his ribs like a trapped bird. The digital clock on his bedside table glowed a merciless 2:17 AM.The silence in the dorm was absolute and heavy. Emily was asleep in the next room. He was alone. The panic attack that followed the nightmare was immediate and overwhelming. His breath came in short, ragged gasps. He felt the walls closing in. The breathing exercises were a distant, useless memory. His usual coping mechanism felt repulsive, a reminder of the very shame he was drowning in.He was spiraling. The fragile calm from the sessions with Paul shattered completely, leaving him raw and exposed. In that moment of absolute terror and isolation, logic deserted him. There was only one anchor in the storm, one person who had made the darkness rece

Last Updated : 2025-12-08

Chapter 8

Paul’s apartment was nothing like Leonard had imagined. It wasn’t a cold, sterile bachelor pad. It was warm, lived-in, and surprisingly cozy. Soft light came from a lamp in the living room, illuminating comfortable-looking furniture and more bookshelves. The air smelled like coffee and that faint, familiar sandalwood.“You can take the guest room,” Paul said, his voice still low and calm. He led Leonard down a short hallway and opened a door. The room was simple but inviting: a bed with a dark blue comforter, a nightstand, a small desk. It was clean and quiet. “The bathroom is just across the hall. There are clean towels in the cabinet.”Leonard stood awkwardly in the doorway. “Thank you,” he mumbled, feeling like an intruder. “I’m so sorry for… all of this.”“Don’t be,” Paul said, his tone leaving no room for argument. “This is what I’m here for. To help. Try to get some sleep. I’ll be right out here if you need anything.” He gestured towards the living room.Leonard just nodded, his

Last Updated : 2025-12-08

Chapter 9

The walk back to campus felt like stepping out of a dream and into a cold, harsh reality. The morning sun was bright, students were laughing on their way to class, and everything was normal. But Leonard felt like an alien. He carried the secret of the past night inside him—the warmth of the guest bed, the smell of coffee in Paul’s kitchen, the profound peace of a dreamless sleep. It was a treasure he had to hide, and it made the ordinary world seem dull and fake.He used his key card to enter the dorm, his heart thudding nervously. He hoped Emily had already left for her morning class.No such luck. She was in the kitchenette, pouring cereal into a bowl. She looked up as he entered, and her expression immediately shifted from casual to concerned.“Hey,” she said, her voice careful. “You weren’t here when I woke up. I checked your room.” Her gaze swept over him, taking in his slightly rumpled clothes from the day before. “Everything okay?”Leonard’s mouth went dry. This was it. He had

Last Updated : 2025-12-08

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