All Chapters of The Morning After, I Heard Him Call Me Practice: Chapter 11 - Chapter 20

That evening, Mia sent me a floor plan of the dorm. She had drawn two crooked circles inside a double room, labeling one Mia and the other Leah.You get the bed by the window.They haven’t assigned our room yet, I reminded her.Promise me anyway. If they put us in different rooms, I’ll visit yours every day until the resident assistant knows my name.I sent her a laughing emoji, then told her my parents had agreed to Los Angeles. She called at once.“So we can finally discuss curtain colors out in the open?”“Out in the open with everyone except Ryan.”“He’s busy traveling. I doubt he’s thinking about curtains.”I smiled at her bluntness. Then I opened my laptop and wrote beside the dorm shopping list: I’ll buy the curtains.During my last week in England, Grandma took me to the coast.The sky was gray, and the wind tangled our hair. Grandma brought an umbrella, then observed at the bus stop that the wind might turn it inside out. We carried it anyway. Rain held off, but the umbrella f

When the plane landed, I closed it and messaged Grandma. I promised to send her new photos from Los Angeles.Mom and Dad met me at the airport. Mom hugged me while Dad took both large suitcases, complaining about the weight as he refused to let me push either of them. I told them about the birds in Grandma’s garden and the umbrella that kept falling out of her bag at the coast. Then I fell asleep against the car window.When I woke, we were outside a hotel. A doorman was opening the door for a guest.“Aren’t we going home?” I asked.Mom turned toward me with an apologetic look.“Ryan’s family is hosting a dinner for him tonight. His mother invited us. When she heard you were coming home today, she asked if you could join us.”I sat up.“You didn’t tell me.”“I should have,” Mom said. “I was afraid you’d refuse as soon as you heard Ryan would be here. You deserved to decide for yourself.”Dad parked, then came around to open my door.“We can go home now,” he said. “I’ll explain.”I look

Ryan was talking with his father near the center of the room. Blair stood beside them. When they laughed, I still felt the urge to learn why. A month in England had given me distance, though the old habit remained.“I’d like to sit here for a while,” I said. “I’ll tell you if I need to go.”Mom nodded.When a server refilled my water, I asked where the restroom and terrace were. He gave me directions and mentioned a quiet lounge at the end of the hall. I kept the route in mind. Knowing where I could get some air made it easier to sit through dinner.Ryan’s mother came over soon afterward and wrapped me in a hug.“You’re home at last. How’s your grandma?”“She’s well. She asked me to say hello.”She asked whether the old bookshop on Grandma’s corner was still open. She remembered it because I had mailed her a gardening book from there when I was fourteen. As we talked, I began to relax.“You’ve lost weight,” she said, studying me. “Did you eat on the plane? I’ll ask them to bring you so

I put my phone away and slowed down.Ryan’s friends had described choices I recognized. Whenever he planned an activity or a trip, I checked whether I could join him. If I had other commitments, I found ways to rearrange them. I had thought that was how we stayed close.Hearing Ryan say I would always come back showed me what those choices had taught him. Whatever he decided, he expected me to keep a path open between us.I had helped build that path. The realization made me sad. My feelings had been real, and so was the time I had given them. I could choose what came next, though I would always remember those years.I stayed against the wall until my breathing settled. At the dining-room door, I caught my reflection in the glass. My eyes were red. I took a moment, then went in.The soup had arrived. Steam rose from the bowl. After one spoonful, I realized how hungry I was.As dinner began, Ryan’s mother asked about my preparations for school.“Boston gets cold. Do you still have that

I expected him to argue. Instead, he looked at me, then at the open lounge door.That afternoon, I had been excited to see him. He had left a library book at my house and messaged to say he needed to return it the next day. I left early and bought his usual drink on the way. The activity-room door stood ajar. I heard laughter inside and raised my hand to knock.I took the drink home with me. Moisture from the cup dampened the book’s cover. I wiped it carefully, but a faint mark remained.I had kept those details to myself. Tonight, I wanted Ryan to understand what I had heard and how I had chosen to live afterward.“I want you to know why things have changed between us,” I said. “I made this decision before I left for England. I’ve had time to think about it.”Ryan’s grip loosened on the door handle.“I tried to reach you so many times,” he said.“I know.”“You wouldn’t hear me out.”“I needed time.” I looked at him. “Tonight, I’m ready to say it clearly.”A staff member passed through