What Are The Best Funny Quotes On Independence Day?

After six years together, Hansel Johnson comes to Miranda Sutton with an arm around his new lover and tells her he wants to break up. Miranda doesn't kick up a fuss. She packs her things, takes the exorbitant sum of money he gives her as compensation, and moves out without hesitation. Hansel's friends make bets on how long Miranda can stick it out this time—everyone in Jandersville knows that Miranda is madly in love with Hansel, after all. She loves him so much that she can cast aside her pride, dignity, and temper. They're sure she'll come begging for him to take her back in three days, at most. But when three days come and go… Hansel's the first to lose his composure. It's his first time giving in to Miranda. He calls her and says, "Have you had enough of this nonsense? If you have, you'd better come back." Unfortunately for him, he only hears a man chuckle on the other end of the line. "It's too late to change something once it's done, Mr. Johnson. There isn't anything in this world that can turn back time." "I'm looking for Miranda. Pass the phone to her!" Hansel snaps. "Sorry, but my girlfriend's too tired. She's just fallen asleep."

On Christmas Eve, my parents and my fiancé, Ivano Dominici, finally agree to accompany me to Iberion to see the aurora. But when I arrive there, they never show up no matter how long I wait. I send messages to ask. They reply helplessly that something urgent has come up at the last minute and tell me to go to the observation point and wait. I stand alone on the icy field, turning back every few minutes to look at the road behind me. When my hands grow numb from the cold, I scroll my social media feed and see a recent post from my younger sister, Giada Soave. Holding gifts in her arms, she sits beneath a luxurious crystal Christmas tree with my parents embracing her from both sides. Ivano stands behind her with his hand resting lightly at her waist and his eyes full of tenderness. The caption reads, "Merry Christmas, I'm grateful to spend the holiday with those who love me most!" The comments section buzzes with blessings, praise, and envious messages. I stare at the screen for a long time without moving. This is not the first time they break their promise to me because of Giada. But this time, I do not argue or make a scene. I simply type and send one line calmly in the comments, "I wish your family of four a Merry Christmas." I finally let go of my obsession and stop waiting for people who will never come to me. But when I quietly step away, the ones who cannot let go turn out to be them.

I had been married to Natasha Bates for ten years, and not once did she ever join me for our family's Independence Day cookout. This year, on the night before the celebration, I finally gathered the courage to ask if she wanted to come. She scoffed and said, "What are you, stuck in the past? Who even celebrates the Fourth with a family dinner anymore?" Yet that very evening, I saw a social media post of Natasha with her male best friend, Stanley Rogers. They were quite intimate in the picture, and the caption read: [True happiness is celebrating Independence Day with your bestie!] I commented back: [Hope you two lovebirds make it official soon.] Stanley did not hold back. He messaged me a bunch of intimate photos of the two of them. Then, he added, [You're just a leech living off his wife. What right do you have to question anything about Nattie?] Everyone always thought I was a gold-digger living off Natasha's success. However, they all forgot that I was the sole major shareholder of the company. This time, I’m done staying silent.

The maid's daughter, who grew up in my home, had the nerve to act like an heiress. On her birthday, she invited every kid from school for a full-on rager at my family's villa. When I suggested they take it to a hotel, she lost it. "You don't get to tell me what to do! My friends can party wherever they want!" She added, "The ten-layer cake my parents ordered for me is on the way. Why don't you park yourself by the door and wait for it, huh?" Her crew circled up, laughing and pointing at me. But I'd lived through this before. Nothing about her little act rattled me. I turned to the butler and told him to lock the gate. Then, I went to Rambo's cage. "Hey, buddy," I said, opening it up. "See those trespassers?" I pointed at the crowd. "I'm counting to three. If they're still here, don't let a single one get away."

For as long as I can remember, my family and I have been living in an underground basement that's completely shut off from the outside world. My parents have told me that the zombie apocalypse is terrorizing the outside world. The air is completely plagued with the zombie virus, and we'll die if we ever leave the basement. In order to save the supplies—which are already dwindling, to begin with—I've starved myself to the point I'm all skin and bones despite being only 18 years old. When I realize that there's only one last can of food left, I leave behind a suicide note. "Mom, Dad, now there's one less mouth to feed. You'll last a few more days." After that, I slit my wrist right away. Once I'm dead, my soul phases through the thick and heavy metal door. Bright sunlight illuminates the entire world. It's a beautiful, peaceful world filled with greenery. I can even hear birds chirping in the distance. Mom, Dad, and a bunch of people are throwing a barbecue party on the lawn. The mouth-watering smell of food being grilled permeates the air. So, it turns out that the zombie apocalypse is just a lie that's designated to trap me inside the fortress. I'm the only one who has died in this sunny, peaceful world.

During the summer break, I took my daughter, Stella Quinton, to a private beach that I own for some fun and some scuba diving. That's when Felicity Portman, a famous actress, barges into the beach with a group flocking behind her. "This is a private beach that Micah has given me permission to entertain VIP clients at! Hurry up and get lost, you filthy commoners!" The arrogant Felicity has the gall to bring up my husband, Micah Morrison, just to threaten me. When she finds out about my identity, she even makes fun of me for being a useless woman who relies on him for survival. I'm furious, to say the least. As the heiress to the richest family in Seacrest City, how am I a useless woman who relies on men for survival? Also, I'm the one who gave Micah his movie company and all of his resources! But when Micah reaches the beach, he works with Felicity to coerce my darling Stella into putting on a diving performance for a lecherous investor. With a sneer on my face, I summon the Seashark Special Forces, who only take orders from the most elite members of Seacrest City. "Seashark Special Forces, come to Moonrise Bay right now and clear out the area!"