How To Handle Ex Husband And Son Who Beg But I Never Back?

2026-05-09 15:25:25 275
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3 Answers

Finn
Finn
2026-05-11 17:01:49
Boundaries are everything here. My therapist taught me to script responses—like 'I can’t give money, but here’s a food bank location'—and repeat it like a broken record. When my ex brought our daughter to my door crying about eviction, I hugged her tight… then handed him a printed list of shelters. Sounds harsh, but enabling hurts everyone long-term. For my kid, I opened a savings account where she 'earns' allowance by reading books (her idea!), so she associates money with effort. The begging stopped when they both saw I wouldn’t budge.
Weston
Weston
2026-05-12 17:11:47
Ugh, the guilt trips are real, aren't they? I remember my ex would text things like 'Junior’s shoes are falling apart' with sad-face emojis, and I’d spiral—am I a monster if I don’t help? But after the third 'shoe crisis' in two months (with zero actual photos of worn-out shoes), I called his bluff. Turns out, my kid had perfectly fine sneakers; his dad just wanted beer money. Now I verify everything through my son’s teacher or coach before reacting. If there’s a genuine need, I’ll drop off groceries or pay the electric bill directly—no cash ever changes hands.

For my son, I turned it into a lesson about honesty. We play a game called 'Need vs. Want' where he learns to differentiate—like, 'Do you NEED this Pokémon card, or just WANT it real bad?' It’s cut down on the begging, and honestly? Kid’s got a sharper budgeting sense now than his dad.
Ruby
Ruby
2026-05-13 20:39:55
It's tough when family boundaries get blurred by financial desperation. My ex used to pull this all the time—showing up with our kid in tow, spinning sob stories about rent or medical bills. At first, I caved, thinking it was for my son's sake. But then I noticed the pattern: every 'emergency' cash handout just led to more requests, and my kid started mirroring the behavior, asking for toys right after visits. I sat them both down separately—my son got a gentle talk about earning through chores, while my ex got a firm 'no' with resources for job programs. What helped most was consistency; saying no every single time, even when they cried. Eventually, the asks became fewer. Now my son understands money doesn't grow on trees, and my ex? He found actual work after realizing the free ride was over.

It stung to feel like the villain, but protecting my own financial stability meant breaking that cycle. I still buy my son school supplies directly instead of handing cash to his dad, and that small shift keeps the boundaries clear without leaving the kid in need.
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