How To Deal With Ex Husband And Son Who Beg But I Never Back?

2026-05-09 10:00:07 178
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3 Answers

Fiona
Fiona
2026-05-12 01:52:08
This hits close to home. My ex and adult son used to treat me like a financial safety net—every month, some new 'crisis.' I’d lie awake stressing over their demands while ignoring my own drained savings. The turning point? My therapist asked, 'What are you teaching them by always fixing their problems?' That flipped a switch. Now, I say no without explanation. If they push, I redirect: 'Have you looked into community resources?' or 'Let’s talk job options.'

It’s not easy—family guilt runs deep—but I’ve made peace with prioritizing my stability. Funny thing? Since I stopped rescuing them, they’ve both become more resourceful. My son even thanked me recently for 'forcing him to grow up.' Sometimes tough love is the real kindness.
Violet
Violet
2026-05-12 19:30:55
Navigating relationships with estranged family members is tough, especially when there’s a history of unresolved tension. My ex-husband and son occasionally reach out asking for financial help, but I’ve learned the hard way that giving in doesn’t fix anything—it just prolongs the cycle. I’ve had to set firm boundaries, reminding myself that love doesn’t mean enabling. It’s painful to say no, but I’ve seen how my 'help' became expected rather than appreciated. I focus now on supporting my son emotionally without money—like offering career advice or just listening. With my ex, I keep conversations minimal; some bridges are better left unbuilt.

What helped me most was therapy. A counselor pointed out that my guilt was rooted in outdated ideas of 'owing' them something. Real strength isn’t in sacrificing yourself but in showing up authentically. I’ve started redirecting energy into my own growth—volunteering, hobbies—and it’s oddly freed me from feeling like the villain. The requests still come, but now I respond with clarity: 'I care about you, but this isn’t something I can provide.' No apologies, no justifications. It’s not cold—it’s self-preservation.
Blake
Blake
2026-05-13 19:06:24
Ugh, family dynamics like this are such a minefield. I’ve been through similar stuff where my kid and ex would hit me up for cash whenever they hit a rough patch. At first, I caved every time because, well, mom guilt is real. But after a while, I noticed my son wasn’t learning to budget or problem-solve—he just saw me as a backup ATM. My ex? He’d spin sob stories, but his 'emergencies' were always self-inflicted (gambling, bad investments).

I finally snapped when my son missed rent after blowing his paycheck on concert tickets. That’s when I switched tactics: 'I’ll help you brainstorm solutions, but I won’t bail you out.' It pissed them off at first, but guess what? My son eventually got a side gig, and my ex stopped asking altogether. Turns out, people respect boundaries more when they’re consistent. I still get the occasional guilt trip ('You’d help if you really loved me'), but I shrug it off. Love shouldn’t come with a price tag.
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