John 13 34-35 Niv

During a family dinner, the older relatives smiled and encouraged Dylan Jenkin and me to sit together. But once I sat down, he casually turned away and settled beside my stepsister, Ivy Langford. One of the elders said teasingly, “Aren’t you and Nina joined at the hip? We thought you two might make it official today. Why aren’t you sitting together?” Dylan chuckled and poured Ivy a cup of tea. “Don’t get the wrong idea. Nina and I are just close friends,” he said with calm and casual ease. His gaze swept over me without a hint of affection. Then, he turned to Ivy beside him. His voice grew gentler as he said, “I’ve always liked girls like Ivy.” Laughter echoed around the table, yet a chill settled into my heart. No one knew that we had been secretly dating for three years. After countless nights in each other’s arms, he reassured me that he would tell the family about us once his older brother had a girlfriend. He said they might see his brother as irresponsible and immature if he revealed his relationship first. I finally saw the truth behind those excuses: he simply did not love me. I forced a smile and nodded along with his words. “Yes, we’re just friends.” Dylan exhaled in relief. He was clearly pleased with my response. He had no idea that I was not actually playing along. With those final words, I stopped holding on and gave up on our secret relationship.

Ever since I can remember, I was Nina's blood bank. Nina was like a glass princess. One sneeze and she could break. She needed blood all the time just to stay okay. Mom had her tubes untied just to have me to save Nina. My arms were always full of needle marks. Mom and Dad looked at me like they felt bad. "Chloe, you're a good girl. Nina's sick. She doesn't mean it when she gets mad. Be patient with her." I made myself smile. "I know. You can take more. I'm not scared." They turned away and cried. I thought if I stayed good and didn't complain, they'd love me someday. Then I won first place in a painting contest. Nina ripped the bandage off her hand and started crying. "Why are you showing off? Why am I the sick one? I hate you!" Mom shoved me to the ground. "Your sister can't even go to school. What are you bragging about some dumb paper for? How can you be this mean? Why couldn't you be the sick one?" Dad carried Nina out. He didn't look at me. I ran after the car all the way to the hospital. I only heard the doctor say, "Without a full blood replacement, she won't make it three months." I looked at my arm. 'Nina, please don't hate me anymore. If I give you my life, will that be enough?'

I have a secret. When I touch someone, I see the face of the person they love most. Since Natalie moved in next door when we were seven, I always saw myself in her heart. At eighteen, when she held my hand—it was me. At twenty-two, when she proposed—it was me. On our wedding night, when she kissed me—it was still me. On the morning of our third anniversary, I fixed the hem of her dress. My fingers grazed her ankle. Out of habit, I closed my eyes. This time, I saw two faces. Mine. And some guy I'd never seen before. That night, Natalie's phone lit up. [Thanks for spending today with me, Natalie.] Twenty-one years. A hundred thousand touches. And for the first time, I was wrong.

The love that I knew wasn't like the ones written in a book. It wasn't beautiful and magical. It doesn't bring butterflies in my stomach and it doesn't make me feel special. It doesn't feel like home, I do not feel secure. It does not make me feel safe and worthy. The love that I experience doesn't feel like love. I'm not really sure if it is love because it made me doubt, insecure and made me feel unloved. And all I experienced was pain. No it was torture. To see him love someone else when all I could do is to love him and let him love her. Now I don't know if I could ever love someone else, after him.

With exactly three days until our house is seized and everything we have is taken away. My father sits in his chair slumped over and defeated "Rose" he calls to me and I go to him. On bended knees, I answer him, "yes father my voice echos as it bounces off our now bare walls". Dear, I'm afraid I've failed you and we have lost everything, sighing he peers at me and continues. A man stopped by this morning offering to help me figure it out but I'm afraid the cost was too high. What was the cost father please tell me. Looking at him with pleading eyes, he sighs as he began to explain. He offered to pay off my debt and restore my business if I was to give up that most precious to me. My eyes widen and my throat goes dry just as my eyes fill with tears. Someone wants me I whisper and see his eyes dim just a little. Yes, my dear, and I can’t do it. Grabbing his hand, I lean in close so he can hear me. I’ll do it, "his eyes grow wide as he begins to shake his head no fast”. I smile and continue for you I will do it. He wants to be wed this evening my dear and we know nothing about him. “If he can stick to his end of the bargain the rest does not matter I will serve him if it means you won't have to worry”. My tears tickle my face the ones I didn't even know escaped. Standing to my feet I look at him and sigh, if there is to be a wedding today we should get ready with that I take my leave locking myself in my room.

On my sixth year of serving in a war zone, my request to return to headquarters was denied again. The reason was simple. Hospital policy didn't allow close family members to work in the same department. Since Natalie Hart and I were married, my return would be considered a conflict of interest. I refused to accept that. So, I quietly snuck back to Hartwell to demand an explanation. However, I heard a conversation that made me stop short right outside the administration office. "You've blocked Liam Hayes's transfer for five years all because of Noah Bennett," the department director snapped. "Liam ages out next year. This is his last chance to return." Natalie's face remained unreadable. "There's only one transfer slot this year. Noah gets it. Liam can go home and be a stay-at-home husband if he has to. Noah is different. He has ambition." The director slammed a hand on the desk. "And Liam doesn't? His dream was always to work at headquarters." His voice sharpened. "You were the one who had him sent to a war zone in the first place. Now you're blocking his only chance to come back. Noah barely passed his evaluations. He would've been removed years ago if you hadn't kept him under your wing. "Do you honestly think you can protect him forever?" For the first time, anger flashed across Natalie's face. "Liam went there as my husband. How much could he have suffered?" Her tone grew icy. "Noah has no connections. If he were sent out there, it would ruin him. I'll take responsibility for Noah's training. I won't let anyone harm him." Outside the door, my eyes burned. I pulled out my phone and called my lawyer. "Draft the divorce papers. As fast as possible." I wasted five years all for a woman who had stopped loving me long ago. I no longer wanted to waste any more time on her. I no longer wanted to love her anymore.