After Him

Was it love if it felt suffocating or was it a trap?

We live in a world where everyone seeks for a love that would make them feel cherished, a love that gives warmth. But what if the love that I have doesn't feel that way? What if it only hurts but it doesn't feel to be worth it. What if it only consumes me? What if it only sinks me?

I smiled at my reflection, I was preparing to meet my boyfriend and my thoughts are bothering me since she came back.

I wasn't prepared and I don't think I would ever be prepared for this.

I tried putting up my confidence and hoped that I would see them together later. Xavier is my boyfriend and his band is now under the management of his ex girlfriend, Samantha.

And me, I am the boundary between their unfinished love story.

I know ever since, he still loves her. I confirmed it when he slowly changed since she came back. And I couldn't do anything because who am I to question him?

I am just his girlfriend, I was never his love.

"You don't have to worry, Veronica. It's alright, for sure they wouldn't get too far from their limits right? Besides, she knows I am his girlfriend now."

I smiled again after convincing myself. Maybe I think too much. I should calm myself and go there calmly.

-

I texted Xavier that I was waiting for him on the ground floor but someone came to me and guided me to where he is. Everyone seems to be mad at me because they knew about Xavier and Samantha's past. And of course, they all wanted them to be.

"You can wait here, Miss."

"Alright, thank you!" I said politely to the girl who assisted me. She didn't say anything and just turned her back on me.

I sighed and just sat myself on the couch. After almost half an hour, Xavier came to see me and let me into their office. They continued their meeting while I waited for them to finish silently.

I was secretly watching Samantha discuss something to them while Xavier looked at her admiringly.

My heart hurt a bit at that view, it was too obvious that he still had feelings for him. And even though I already knew that before, it still hurt me because at some point, I hoped he learnt to love me too.

I was with him for years when she wasn't around and I felt his care, I hold on to that. I hoped for that to be his love for me but seeing him now looking at her that way, it was clear. He still loves her.

I looked away and secretly wiped the tear that escaped to my eyes. It hurts knowing they love each other until now. I feel like I was the only one that stopped them from getting back.

He couldn't break up with me because his father wants us together. He can't disagree ever since his father had a heart attack. He was too scared that something bad might happen to his father so he stayed with me. He chooses me even though his heart deeply desires for her to keep his father safe.

I remained silent and busied myself to my phone. Someone entered the office and I only glanced once, it was a guy named Lucas. My heart feels heavy, I wanted to go out but I refused to bother them. So I don't have any other choice but to stay still and calm myself.

It's just that, it feels torture to see their love for each other. It makes me feel unwanted and unloved. It hurts me so bad but I couldn't complain.

"Vy, can you give us a minute?" my boyfriend asked me.

"Do I really have to leave you two here?" I asked, almost whispering.

I do. But to your feelings about me, I don't know.

"Ah right. Of course I trust you," I faked a laugh as I stepped back and left them two alone.

I smiled bitterly when I went out. Why in hell did I go with him, knowing she's here? I almost forgot that in those four years we've been together, he never really loved me. He was just doing what his father wanted him.

I'm so stupid to believe that I could replace her part with him. So stupid to fall for him.

I don't know why I still fell in love with him knowing that he was just being nice and caring towards me for his fathers' sake. I am still in love with him even though he loves someone else.

I went to the receiving area of the recording studio that is owned by Samantha Nicolas, the woman he loves. Everything feels unreal, it is as if I am invisible and no one cares about me. No one really does.

Nothing new, knowing everyone here was admiring Xavier and Samantha together. And me, I am the antagonist of their story. 

I decided to leave the company. But before I could find a taxi, I saw the person I refuse to talk to in here. The only person I don’t want to talk with even though he’s being nice to me. I don’t know why, but my body felt shiver when his eyes met mine.

“Veronica!” I almost rolled my eyes when he shouted my name. But still managed to fake a smile on him.

“Hi,” I said, a bit awkward.

“You're leaving already? Where's Xavier?” he was smiling beautifully at me. He was so tall that I needed to look up to him so we could see each other better.

“He's still up. He needs to talk to Samantha about important things so I leave them two. I am going home now because I still need to do something,” I lied about the reason why I need to leave.