Pathological Short Stories & Freak Face Slapping Novels

Natalie used to hate stuffed animals. Now she's head-over-heels for a cotton doll. She called it "honey" and told our daughter, Yara, it was her real dad. Cool. Guess that made me the family ghost. At Yara's parent-teacher conference, I finally snapped and handed Natalie the divorce papers. Cue the gasps. Suddenly, I'm the villain. She slapped me—full drama mode. "It's just a doll! Why are you being so extra?" Yara hugged it like it was about to save the world, giving me the death stare. I shrugged, smirking. "You're the one who said it's your dream husband and Yara's one and only dad. So, like... why am I still here?"

Two years after I return to Cendria, I unexpectedly run into my daughter, whom my ex-wife had taken with her when she left me. "Do you regret everything you've done?" she asks, her voice dripping with arrogance. "If you apologize to my new dad, Liam, I'll try to convince Mom to forgive you." Before I can respond, an adorable little boy throws himself into my arms. "School's finally over, Dad. I missed you so much!" he exclaims. I take his hand and turn to leave. My ex-daughter is furious. "If you walk away from me now, I'll disown you!" she yells after us in frustration. I remain unbothered. She's free to do whatever she pleases. After all, none of it matters to me anymore.

My son, Damian Stone, has mild asthma. The doctor has recommended that he train his lungs through light swimming, and it so happens that Damian loves swimming. I've donated five million dollars to Damian's school for a temperature-controlled swimming arena and full-range purifier system because of this. I've even paid a professional safety officer to disinfect and keep an eye on the arena daily. But one day, when I head to Damian's school earlier than usual to pick him up, I find him locked up in the equipment room. He's soaking wet and has his arms wrapped around his trembling knees while using his inhaler. The doors of the swimming arena I've donated have a notice stuck on them that reads: "For Timothy's private use only. No freeloaders allowed."