Novel & Cerita Because This Is My First Life Review

People like to think a second chance feels like relief. A clean slate. A soft reset. Gratitude. A sense that something has been restored. The universe apologizing in a meaningful, actionable way. Instead of agonizing over the impossible that has clearly happened and the how of it and the myriad of existential issues her rebirth unleashed, Maya spends her first full day in her second life discovering that it mostly feels like being handed a detailed report on exactly how you failed the first time, with the helpful note: try not to do that again.

(Maya) Owen is nine today. In my first life, this was the day I died. Lucy in my arms. Sirens in the distance. Jade looking on with satisfaction. I came back and I was sure it was about revenge. I had to make them pay. But now I see it wasn’t just that. It was everything here before me now. Happy kids. Kids that are alive. I’m alive and grateful for a lot. But there’s been regret and sadness and learning as well.

“Aiden, you think this is about this life? You think I rejected you because of what you did this time?” Aiden's golden eyes widened in horror. He froze, as if struck by lightning. "You're... you're reborn, too?" he stammered. I looked at him, the man who was once my entire world. Now he was a pathetic wreck on a street corner. And I suddenly felt nothing. "Aiden," I said his name one last time. My voice held no hatred, only a dead, hollow calm. “In our last life, your son with Cora murdered me. In this one, you destroyed yourself. Don't you see, Aiden? With or without me, you are the architect of your own ruin. That was always your fate.”

Or when we had spent that beautiful night on the mountain. And I could see how life could be precious, because I suddenly valued my own. I had never wanted to die, but it hadn't seemed like the worst thing in the world. But now, I couldn't imagine dying, or heaven forbid, Simon dying. I couldn't believe I was thinking it, but life truly was worthy of awe when you had someone to share it with. It gave me a new respect for life that I didn't have before. That's it! I grabbed the laptop and attempted the first password. Making sure I didn't mix up the letters, I slowly typed out 'Respectlife' into the password box, and pushed enter.

I woke up early. I woke up super early. So I could get ready to see the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. He’s charming, and funny. He’s a great artist. And he makes me feel like I can actually be myself. Have you ever met someone and wondered if you knew them in a past life? Like somehow, somewhere, this person, this amazingly, wonderful person… is YOUR person. That’s how he makes me feel. He makes me feel like me. For the first time, I feel like me. It’s crazy, because I literally just met him. Do you believe in love at first sight? I think I do.

It was just dark. I tried to will myself to move. I couldn't tell if I was or wasn't, there was no sensation. I gave that up pretty quick. The last thing I remembered was seeing my soul leave my body. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was death. I reeled. I recounted all the events. When I finished, I did it again. When I finished with that, I had nothing to do. So, well... I did it from further back, until I was recounting my whole life. And then I did it again. It was all I had to do. I just contemplated my whole just barely fifteen years of life over and over again. With each iteration, feelings flared to life. With every repeat they grew stronger.

"It happened to me. Forty years ago, when I was thirty-one years old, I died. And I came back." The quiet in the room was complete. "I am not telling you this to create sympathy," he said. "I am not asking you to reconsider anything about what comes next. I understand what the next months look like for me." He paused. "I am telling you because you should know that you are not the only one. That you were never the only one. That there are others — some of whom you will find, some of whom may find you — and that what you choose to do with the second life matters in ways that extend beyond your own story."

But this—this moment—felt like something I wanted to imprint in whatever part of my magic had been keeping score all these years. “Do you ever think about… other lives?” he asked softly. “The ones Morwen hinted at. The ones where we didn’t get it right.” “Sometimes,” I said. “Less now.” He nodded. “The first time I told you I’d failed you in every life until this one, I thought… Maybe this was my one shot at not screwing it up,” he said. “Now I think… maybe every life was a lesson. For this one. For us.”

I sat across from him, gripping the edge of the table so tightly my knuckles whitened. “I wasn’t always like this,” I began slowly, my words shaky but deliberate. “The person you see now, this version of me, isn’t the first one. I’ve... I’ve lived this life before.” His brows drew together. “What do you mean?”

"Why does it have to be me?, why can't I just live a normal life like others?.. In my first life I was killed by my loved ones, and now history is about to repeat itself. Is there no other way out?” ‎The chamber trembled. Not from power. But from truth. ‎And the Goddess—For the first time—Did not answer immediately. ‎Because even she—Was no longer completely certain.