Romans & histoires Building My Life

"I want to tell you something." "All right." "I'm not good at this," I said. "At having things. I've been in motion my entire life. When you're moving you don't accumulate things because they slow you down. People, places, attachments." I turned my cup in my hands. "I had Nadine and I had Salma's kitchen and I had the work. That was the shape of my life and I fit it because I built it to fit around me." I looked at him. "I'm not sure I know how to have more than that. I want to learn it. I'm saying I'm going to need patience while I do."

"The back storage room used to flood every spring until I finally saved enough to have proper drainage put in.” “I know every warped floorboard, every window that sticks, every corner Naomi and I ever argued about rearranging." My voice catches. "It's not just a building, Ayden. It's my life’s work, that I didn't need Moonclaw or anyone's permission to build." "I know," he says. "I'm not asking you to pretend otherwise."

"But you didn't." "I didn't," I said, "because I needed this to be the one thing in the last two months that started as only mine, before it became anything else. I have spent my whole life being useful inside structures other people built. I wanted, for once, to build the structure first, and decide afterward who I was willing to let stand inside it with me."

My life is impossibly complicated. But for the first time in three years, I'm not running from it. I'm standing my ground, fighting my battles, and building something that might actually last. One day at a time. One fight at a time. One small step toward trusting that this could be home. It's not perfect. It's messy and complicated and full of political landmines. But it's mine. And maybe that's enough. The next morning brings unexpected news. Morganna wants to see me.

"My child is my responsibility. I can raise him myself! In this lifetime, I only have two children—Addie and Jas. Stop dreaming!" Spotting a broom in the corner, she grabbed it without hesitation and swung it at them. "Get out! Get out of here!" "Nice one!" I cheered wildly from the side, waving my arms excitedly. "Nobody gets to break our family apart!" For some reason, my condition had been getting worse lately. I was always drowsy, and my body was becoming more transparent. I looked at the cross-stitch and tried countless times to hang it back on the wall, but the lightweight cloth felt like it was heavier than a thousand pounds.

Five years is long enough to build a life. Not the life you planned. Not the one you imagined when you were young and certain about the shape of your future. But a real life with weight to it, with daily rhythms and small joys and the particular kind of strength that only comes from having no other choice but to keep going.

On the night of the final showcase for the three-year designer development program, my parents weren't in the family seats reserved for me. They were sitting at the VIP table with Sophie, my foster sister. My boyfriend, Adrian Cole, was giving interviews in a silver-gray outfit that matched hers. A reporter smiled and asked, "You're both headed to New York, and tonight you're even dressed as a couple. Did the two of you plan that?" The people around them whooped. Adrian only smiled. "We've known each other for years. We have similar taste." No one knew that the dress Sophie was wearing was mine. I'd drafted the pattern and sewn the dress myself, and Adrian and I had planned our matching outf

“I know what I want.” I open and close my mouth a few times. All the ice I built up around myself is already gone. It was too fragile this time, threatening to crack every time I thought about Baby. And without it, without all the distractions and threats and pressure, the answer is obvious. Maybe it always has been. “We’re building a life,” I whisper. “If you’re sure you can give this up.”

“I did an article on them when they first opened last year.” “You’re a writer, too?” Kendall asked, her eyes wide. Nodding, Brooklyn told her, “I write for an online paper. We’re local, but we’re expanding. I’m hoping it leads to something more.” “That’s awesome!” Kendall said. Looking around the spa, she pointed to Lewis, Addy, and Brooklyn as she said, “So, we’ve got an aspiring filmmaker, an up-and-coming fashion designer, and a writer living in the building. Who knew such talent surrounded us?”

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” I turned away, focusing on the horizon. “You think you can just throw money at everything and fix it, don’t you?” “It’s not fixing anything,” he said smoothly, now standing beside me. “It’s building. Building a life, a legacy. Something people will remember.” I laughed bitterly. “And I’m supposed to be part of that?” “You already are.”