Family Bbq Regular Show

My wife, Alisha West, has always been obsessively frugal. After marrying her, my single guilty pleasure became blowing money on luxury watches—almost like revenge for how absurdly tightfisted she was. By the time our daughter, Elyse Day, turned 7, she had inherited every bit of her mother’s penny-pinching nature. The two of them looked completely out of place in our sprawling mansion. And I loved it. I’d slip into my latest custom-tailored suits and watch them wince at my credit card statements, their expressions twisted in quiet pain. Until one day, lines of floating text suddenly appeared before my eyes. [This spendthrift idiot is still shopping? Doesn’t he know his wife’s company is about to go bankrupt?] [She’s been drained dry supporting this parasite. Her T-shirt collar is practically worn out from washing. Good thing the financially savvy male lead is about to show up and save her.] [Can’t wait for Alisha to file for divorce and kick this useless freeloader out. Let’s see how he survives fighting stray dogs for scraps under a bridge.] I slammed the limited-edition Richard Mille watch onto the table. Alisha, who was crouched on the floor breaking down delivery boxes for recycling, and Elyse, who was helping stomp them flat, both jumped in shock. A chill ran through me. I lunged forward, snatched the battered cardboard box from Elyse’s hands, and held it tightly against my chest. "No… no more buying. I’m returning this watch. "And these boxes… don’t sell them. I think we might need them someday… to lay out under a bridge when we’re sleeping outside…"

Just because my sister, Yvonne Lindell, claims I swapped Grandma's medicine with sugar pellets and caused her death, Mom locks me inside the cremator. I kneel and beg, but Mom spits at me in disgust. "You wretched girl, stay still! You killed your grandma by secretly switching her medicine. Now go repent to her properly!" Dad hesitates, unable to bear it. "Maybe we should let her out. What if—" "What are you afraid of? Don't forget that she killed your mother! If we don't teach her a lesson this time, who knows who she'll kill next!" The voices outside the door gradually fade, and my heart sinks to the bottom. The flames slowly begin to lick at my body. In despair, I clutch Grandma's cold hand beside me. "Grandma, I'm sorry. I should've taken better care of your medicine. But I swear, I didn't replace it with sugar pellets. Maybe only in death, can I truly atone for this sin…"

In order to protect my father, I was tortured for ten hours, but my father was busy celebrating his adopted daughter’s eighteenth birthday. With my dying breath, I called my father and said, “Dad, it’s my birthday today. Could you wish me a happy birthday?” “You crazy monster! You got your mother killed in order to celebrate your birthday! How could you still ask me to celebrate your birthday? You should just die!” With that said, he hung up. The next day, my corpse was placed in different flower pots and put in front of a police station. My father was in charge of inspecting my corpse, and he could immediately tell that the murderer did this for revenge. What they did to me was cruel and made a mockery of the police’s authority. But he did not manage to tell that the deceased was the daughter he hated.

I check on family businesses in the countryside with my girlfriend, Mildred McClure, in tow. At noon, we stop by my uncle, Barron Cortez's, place for a simple lunch. Just as we are getting ready to leave, his new wife, whom he married just six months ago, Hilda Ross, rushes out and demands that we settle the bill. "Elden, you two just had the Supreme Farmhouse Set Meal, which is 1,888.80 dollars, and your girlfriend picked three organic, pesticide-free tomatoes in the garden. That's 199.80 dollars. "With an 80% service charge, your total comes to 3,800 dollars." Mildred is stunned. "Elden, do we have to pay to eat at your uncle's place?" I start to feel embarrassed, and my expression darkens as I look at Hilda, my supposed aunt, who's barely any older than me. "I've grown up eating at my uncle's place and never paid a single penny. Besides, your prices are downright outrageous!" Hilda calmly whips out a price menu and righteously declares, "That's all ancient history. Now, we're running a farmhouse business where all prices are clearly marked, so everyone pays the same rate. "Barron said you're some big boss in the city. Surely you're not going to stiff us over a little bill, are you?" She steps in front of the gate to block the exit with her body and shoots me a contemptuous look. "Even family settles their accounts. If you don't pay up today, don't even dream about stepping through this door!" While Mildred panics, I laugh in disbelief before taking out my phone and dialing Barron's number. "Uncle Barron, Hilda wants to settle accounts between family, so don't you think it's time we settled our accounts too?"

“Do you understand that you'll ruin my mission? You claim to care about me! Well, this isn't the best way to show it!" I spit the words through gritted teeth.“First, I don't give a fuck about you. Secondly, you did the exact opposite of what I told you to do. Oh, and there is more, I can destroy your life in a split of a second, and make it a living hell. So think about your attitude before opening your dirty mouth.” His rumbling voice affecting my confidence.

After I turned sixteen, I inherited the huge fortune my parents had left behind. As soon as the money was in my account, I hired a fake family online. A dad, a mom, and an older brother. Then, I gave them their instructions. "My dad doesn't say much, but he always lets me have my way." "My mom is gentle and a wonderful cook, especially when she makes barbecue ribs." "My older brother has poor health, and he doesn't like me. Just act like I don't exist." The three of them froze, and their expressions darkened. A long time passed before the woman playing my mother took my hand and asked softly, "Why did you hire a family? Do you miss them that much?" I avoided the guilt in her eyes, buried my face in her arms, and smiled. "Being alone is too boring." They were obviously relieved, but when no one was looking, I quietly wiped away my tears. What I did not tell them was that… I was dying. So, please. Don't hypnotize me into forgetting your faces again this time.

My brother was a twisted, paranoid psychopath. When I was ten, my parents were murdered. Both my legs broke off while I tried to save my brother. I became his only family and also Achilles’ heel. Those who mocked me as a crippled would have their bones broken, and anyone who tried to hurt me would be smashed into a pulp. As he reclaimed our family’s fortune, he became “the Devil” in Amberwater, a man no one dared to offend. Yet, he alone spoiled me like I was a little princess. Everyone knew that Lucas’s sister was untouchable. He had sent me abroad to receive the best treatment. The day that I could finally stand up again, I received an invitation to my brother’s engagement banquet. “Veronica, we’re going to have a new family member soon.” I heard that his fiancee was the daughter of a wealthy family. She was gentle and virtuous. I dressed beautifully to meet her and planned to give her the jade bracelet that my mother had left behind. However, she had me kidnapped and taken to an abandoned construction building. “You lowly little witch. I’ll rip that face of yours since you’re such a seductress. I’ll see how you’ll steal my man now!” She crushed my mother’s heirloom, broke all my limbs, and ripped my face off. Then, she ordered a dozen men to torment me to death. In the end, she stuffed me into a gift box and sent it to my brother. “Dearest, this is your wedding gift. Do you like it?”

When my parents got old, they needed someone to take care of them. Katerina—my younger sister—was off to Amiraka with her smug husband Chris. Meanwhile, I was crammed into a two-bedroom in Bellavaro with my husband Pavel, who drove a taxi. Mom had no retirement savings, so guess who she dumped herself on? Yep—me. Dad took the cash and ran straight to Katerina. Our place was tiny, but we still gave Mom the master bedroom. She hated it. Constant complaints, constant drama. According to her, life with me was pure misery. Every night, she'd hop on video call with Katerina, gushing about Amiraka like it was heaven, while throwing shade at me for not "taking care of her properly." Meanwhile, I was drowning—trying to hold it together for Mom, help my daughter prep for exams, support a husband with spine problems, and check in on aging in-laws. Mom didn't care. She wanted a plane ticket to Amiraka to party for Katerina's birthday. I snapped. We had a blowout fight, and she collapsed—brain hemorrhage. Even in her hospital bed, she stared me down, whining Katerina's name like a broken record. Then she spat out, "I should've never picked a useless daughter like you!" My chest cracked in half. I blacked out. When I woke up—I was ten years younger. Back to the day they decided who'd get stuck taking care of them. This time, Mom didn't wait. "I want Katerina to take care of me. It's my turn to enjoy life!"

My fiancé and brother hated me for ten years. They firmly believed I had bullied their beloved Linda Lowe. At my engagement party, they exposed my crimes to the world. "She's nothing but a bully who tormented her classmate!" In the viral livestream video, Linda smiled through tears: "I've already forgiven her." "What's done is done. The past is behind us now" She became an overnight sensation. Meanwhile, I was condemned by thousands, attacked with acid by fanatic fans, and in despair, I took us both down together. When I opened my eyes again, I was back in my senior year of high school. Linda was pouring water over her own head while smiling, asking me, "Have you thought about how you'll apologize to me?" I lost it right there. Grabbing her by the hair, I dragged her into the bathroom, shoving her head into the toilet. "Let me show you what real bullying looks like. Since your mouth is so filthy, make sure to wash it clean before you go telling tales."

My mom is a retired supermodel. She's added a monitor to the weight scales at home so that she can monitor my and my sister, Abigail Teller's perfect body weight. If my data goes up by 0.1%, Mom will ban me from eating for the next three days. But the thing is, Abigail keeps eating fried chicken every day, yet her monitor's light is always green. Mom claims that Abigail's still going through puberty. I defend myself, saying that I've gained weight because of the bloating caused by my period. As Mom points at the red light emitted by my monitor, she exclaims, "The data is never wrong! If you've gained weight, that means you've been snacking far too much!" After getting punished many times, I begin believing that being fat is a sin. On the night of my 20th birthday, the long-term diet I've been placed on has triggered my kidney failure, which causes me to bloat up everywhere. I kneel on the floor and plead to Mom that I'm seriously ill. But that's when the monitor lets out a shrill alarm. When Mom sees the 5% increase in my body fat data, she puts me through a devillish punishment. I can feel the electric currents jolting through my body. "It's bad enough that you've secretly snacked on cake, but to even lie in my face about your illness? I'd like to see how long you can stay stubborn for!" Having said her piece, Mom locks the door and takes Abigail out to celebrate her birthday. I guess Mom is correct. Monitors never lie. I'm the one who's at the wrong for being a glutton. That's why I've transformed into a monster who doesn't deserve any love at all. I'm sorry, Mom. I'll only drink water in my next life.