Funniest Things To Say Novels & Stories

Dante Valieri, the most sought-after mafia lawyer in New York, had just signed his own name on my divorce papers. But he had no idea. Because while he was signing them, his eyes never left Camille. The second Camille walked in, Dante had already looked up. He watched her disappear into the lounge before finally turning back to me. “What did I just sign?” “Nothing important. You never really look at the things I hand you anyway.” He started toward the lounge. “Next time, just send it to my phone. Don’t make a special trip.” As he closed the door behind him, I heard him say to Camille— “You came so early. I was worried I’d miss you.” And just like that, I was shut out on the other side of the door. You won’t miss anything anymore, Dante. In ten days, I’ll be going home. After that, no one will interrupt the two of you ever again.

"Veronica is pregnant!", Mother said loudly I stopped dead in my tracks. The realization of that hit me suddenly like I was unaware of it before. "Your younger sister, Veronica is pregnant, Adele! She is", mother said again. I sucked in a very sharp breath, trying to keep myself in control and perfect order as I turned to face mother and spat those words out. "I am not getting married. I am not getting married to someone I do not know. No, that is not going to happen", I said very clearly this time and I saw a tear drop from my mother's right eye. "Do you not get it? You have no choice in this. You have no say in this!" "And I wonder why that is", I replied with gritted teeth as I glared at mother murderously. ----------------- Adele Woods; a despaired, pessimistic and brokenhearted lady found herself agreeing to an arranged matrimony after much persuasion and convincing talk from her parents, especially her mother. She had no say in it and that made her angry. Being a rebellious person, Adele refused to even take a look at her betrothed's picture. She had a thought on her mind. Her husband would want one thing from her; to procreate. And that is one of the things she would never do. But is it possible? When her husband is Christopher Marvin; a young, handsome man who would do no other thing than to make her laugh. He was the most flirtatious, lively, cheerful, and manly person she has ever met. He was definitely not what she imagined her husband to be like. Will Adele be able to pull herself out of her 'annoying' marriage? Or will she find herself changing because of a certain hot man?

…”Damn it, Klein! Am I a fool to you? You were with a woman last night! You were drunk! Both of you went to the hotel together. And now you stand there and tell me “something” came up! Is it normal for you, a married man, to go to a hotel with other women?” “How did you know?” “Is that all you have to say?” I looked at him disbelievingly. How can someone say such a shameless thing with a straight face? “Well since you asked, I’m going to tell you. When I rang your phone last night, that bitch was the one who answered. She friggin answered it just to show me she was with you. And your photos with her in the hotel are all over the Internet! That’s how I found out about your affair!” I’m breathing heavily by the time I’m done talking. Klein is staring at me with an unreadable expression. He must be shocked to the core. “First of all, Jasmine is a friend of mine and I prefer you call her in a more respectful way. Second, I was drunk and she only sent me to the hotel. That’s all. I’ll handle the photos. It won’t affect yours or the Conglomerate’s reputation. ”… **********************************************. Klein only realized he had feelings for his wife, Eloise, when she finally got sick of playing the part of an understanding wife in their arranged marriage after his ex-girlfriend showed up. Now he wants to make things right with his wife but it’s probably too late because she already filed for a divorce and wants nothing to do with him anymore. Will he succeed in winning her back or will she find love in another man’s arms?

“What did you say?” “I said that if you won’t touch me and make me yours, then maybe someone should.” To my surprise, Archie smirked at me and his gaze drifted to my lips. “No one’s ever going to touch you but me, Rosie.” *** Rosie Fay is the daughter of the mafia, so she is used to being surrounded by guns, sulky men, and dangerous deals. But her father thought she shouldn’t lead things after he was gone, so he made a deal and offered her hand in marriage to Archie Donovan. The arranged marriage wasn’t the problem though—Archie was. He treated her well and took care of her, but that’s all their relationship entailed. No romantic strings attached. But they clearly liked each other, so why did he always push her away? As the tension between them intensified, the dangers around the family increased. Was happiness even a possibility for them? Or would the mafia life take that away from her? Daughter of the Mafia is created by Rafaella Dutra, an eGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.

In a fake engagement with the mob boss, can Kate keep up the ruse? One evening, Kate's Uncle invited her to an engagement dinner for a famous mafia boss --- Lucas Romano but then Lucas pulled her onto the stage and revealed that his new fiancee is none other than Kate! Turns out that her uncle owed the boss a debt, and in order to repay it, he offered his niece up. Luckily, Lucas isn't actually interested in marriage, he just wants a contractual arrangement to secure his position and legacy. Things soon turn dangerous, and Kate realizes she's caught in the crosshairs of a dangerous war for power, caught between her childhood friend, Matteo who's a cop and had a strong distaste towards the Mafia and Lucas, the man who sets her skin ablaze. Forced to move in and play the intimate role of Lucas's fiancee, can they both keep up the ruse until they say, "I Do" would love blossom between them both? can they overcome the obstacles and dangers that threaten their lives? Or will they lose everything in a cruel twist of fate?

A confident, tenacious luna (Monica), on a quest to avenge the death of her parents. Seeing the man responsible for the death of her parents a few years ago caused her grief. Avenging her parents and killing Williams; the billionaire werewolf was all she cared about. Falling in love was not part of the plan for Monica, her plans were to make Williams pay for the death of her parents years ago, that was all she cared about. But meeting the man in person gave her a change of heart. The spark of emotions between these two strong werewolves only exists for a short while. Good things they say don't last . “I am sorry, I hoped I listened to you when you said the pictures were all fake”. Words of billionaire werewolf (Williams) after standing right in front of his long lost mate and a mini-Williams. The secrecy and drifts were just too much for the couples to handle . But after sorting for the child in the picture for so long Williams is willing to try again. Only if Monica is ready to divorce the man she calls her husband.

While I was in the middle of getting intimate with my boyfriend, Hendrick West, a sudden burst of laughter came from under the bed. A chill ran straight through me. I shoved Hendrick away, scrambling to get up and check, but he pushed me right back down. "You're spacing out at a time like this? Guess you don't get to leave this bed today." I didn't question it. I let myself get pulled back in, eyes slipping shut as I tried to relax. Then the bedframe slammed loudly from underneath. I yelped and shrank under the blanket. A second later, his best friend burst out from under the bed, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. "No wonder you've been ditching us lately," Linda Fairbank said, grinning. "If I had such a horny girlfriend, I'd forget my friends, too!" The humiliation hit so hard that my face went pale. But Linda didn't care. She reached over and started tugging at my blanket. "He won't stop going on about how soft and full you are. What are you hiding for? Let me take a look." Hendrick finally stepped in, trying to stop her when she went too far. Linda just smacked his bare backside without hesitation. "I've been stuck under that bed forever waiting on you," she said lazily. "And instead of taking care of me first, you're busy standing up for someone else?" Without missing a beat, Hendrick took her calf into his hands and started massaging it. She shot me a smug, challenging smile. I picked up my phone and called Hendrick's mother. I said evenly, "Julie, are you aware that your son lets other people run his life like this?"

After eight years of marriage, I finally get pregnant with Claude Frey's child. It's my sixth round of IVF, and my last chance. The doctor says I can't put my body through it again. I'm overjoyed, ready to share the good news with him. But a week before our anniversary, I received an anonymous photo in the mail. In it, he was bending down to kiss another woman's pregnant belly. That woman is his childhood sweetheart, the one his family watched grow up. She's gentle and well-mannered, and the kind of daughter-in-law every parent dreams of. The funniest part is that his entire family knows about her pregnancy, except me. I'm just the punchline in their joke. It turns out that the marriage I've been holding together despite all my wounds is nothing but a carefully crafted lie. Fine. I don't want Claude anymore, and I'll never let my child be born into a world built on lies. I book my ticket to leave on our eighth anniversary. It's also the very day he's supposed to take me to see the sea of roses. Before we got married, he promised me a sea of flowers all my own. But instead, I find him in front of the rose garden, kissing his pregnant childhood sweetheart. After I leave, he starts searching for me everywhere. "Don't go, please?" he begs. "I was wrong. Don't leave." He finally remembers the promise he'd made to me and plants the most beautiful roses in the world in that garden. But I don't need it anymore.

Him: I'll do anything to be with her. Since the day I saw her those are my thoughts. Every fucking seconds she's on my mind. I tell you she's a witch. My witch! I grunt at my own thoughts. I don't know what spell she has casted on me but I'm whipped and I love the effect she have on me. I don't know what's this feeling but I know one thing that I want her. I don't believe in love. I guess it's attraction that's pulling me towards her. I'm definitely not a manwhore or womenizer but this girl is attracting me in a way that no one has ever dared too. I won't say she's the most beautiful girl in the entire world but yeah she's so damn perfect and beautiful to me. The first few times I tried to ignore it but the more I tried to ignore it the more she's pulling me towards her. But what say she's not even glancing at me. I guess I have to do something that would make her look at me. Her thoughts should be surrounded by me and for that I have to do something. If only she knows the things that I wanna do with her. She will run away from me but like hell I would allow that to happen. Wait and watch baby girl soon tomorrow you will be mine. You're mine to fuck, mine to hold and mine to do every single thing!! Only mine!! I will lock you in my cage forever' See you soon baby girl.

“Say it.” Elara’s throat tightened. “I belong to you,” she whispered. “I am your slave.” Kane Blackthorn’s gaze hardened. “And?” Her voice broke. “I am… your sex slave.” The Alpha stepped closer, his shadow swallowing her whole. “You will expect no kindness,” he said coldly. “No affection. No protection. You exist to obey me.” “Yes, my Lord.” “Strip, Elara.” Elara once lived in the Blood Moon Pack as the daughter of a powerful man. Now she lives in the Alpha’s palace as something far worse than a servant. A slave. Alpha Kane Blackthorn rules his pack with an iron will and an untouchable reputation. Mercy is not something he offers twice. And Elara belongs to him now. She should hate him. She tries to. But the deeper she falls into the Alpha’s dark world, the more dangerous things become. Because Kane Blackthorn doesn’t look at her like a slave. He looks at her like something far more dangerous. Something he might never let go.