Funny Sex Jokes

“Who is this angel?” This was Sébastien Olivier de Monfort’s question the moment he saw Cassandra Applegate. She seemed so young, so innocent and so damn beautiful… He knew he had to have the gorgeous Cassandra at all costs. Sébastien discovers she is a young widow, and that her marriage has left her feeling ugly, broken, unwanted, and very doubtful around men. So, the moment they met in person, he took it upon himself to teach her all he needed her to know about sex, pleasure, passion… and love. In a short period, Sébastien teaches Cassandra so many things about life, about love, about herself… Right in front of her stunned eyes, he opens the gates of a new world where everything is possible, even falling in love and getting married in Paris to a devastatingly handsome French tycoon.

"You look tired and lazy. I think you're suffering from lack of vitamin me?" ~X~ Three words are enough to describe the playboy billionaire Alexis 'X' Montemayor who owns the very successful Club inside and outside the country. Hot. Dangerous. And oozing with sex appeal. He believed that he would never find the right woman for him despite having a random geisha in his very own Club-V. Not until a woman named Minzireth Paje entered his room and asked him if she is hired or not in the middle of what he called 'play time'. Lured by her sexy smile; piercing golden brown eyes; and voluptuous body, he hired her as his sex-retary. ***** Minzireth Paje is not your typical woman. Nagtungo sa siyudad upang maghanap ng trabahong makapag-aahon sa kanila sa kahirapan at matustusan ang gamutan ng kanyang magulang na may sakit. Ngunit nagbago ang lahat ng matanggap siya bilang sekretarya ng nagmamay-ari ng isa sa pinakasikat na Club sa Pilipinas. Buong akala niya'y more on paper works; answering calls; at tamang tayo lang sa gilid ng conference room ang kanyang gagawin. Not until her playboy boss, Alexis Montemayor demands her to do her assigned job. And that was to spice his night as his sex-retary. What if she found out what was her playboy boss's dark secret? Would she be able to fulfill her duty? Or resigned, and accept the fact that she is not qualified enough to be one of his sex-retary?

(Completed) After the betrayal of those closest to him, Alpha Caelum Terova vowed vengeance. With a heart consumed by hatred and pain, it holds no space for a mate. But one night, in the midst of a raid, he incidentally saves her.Astraea Kerr is the perfect submissive, the exacting quality he wants from her. But as he draws near her battered soul, he reluctantly bares his and soon finds himself losing an internal battle.On his continuous hunt for the traitor, he uncovers dark secrets from her past. And it leaves him two choices, one of which he may live to regret but for her sake.Love can mend the shattered, but it may demand from him the greatest sacrifice. _____WARNING: CONTAINS MATURE AND SENSITIVE CONTENT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: VULGAR LANGUAGE, SEX, AND TORTURE. IT'S AS FUCKED UP AS IT GETS. _____BOOK IS CURRENTLY UNDER HEAVY REVISION. _____READ AT YOUR OWN RISK_____ ___Cover Designed By: Jay Bernards Creations

Ashley Simpson was supposed to be married to her father's choice — George Chulley, the son of the Oil Magnate on Christmas Eve but fate had different plans. On the night of their engagement party, a day before their wedding, Ashley is told to meet her soon-to-be husband, George Chulley in his hotel room to show her loyalty. Before she goes over, she gets drunk. Her drunken state leads her to enter the wrong room. The room of Alex Wayne — The Billionaire owner of Wayne's enterprise. She and the billionaire have a rendezvous. In the course of their sex, Virgin Ashley falls in love, but she is not the only one. When she wakes up, he is no longer there. Ashley is from the drug dealers world while Alex is from the corporate world. Alex and Ashley's rendezvous takes them on a path of sizzling love and adventure. In the end, would their love be worlds apart?

One drunken night after breaking up with her boyfriend and passionate sex with a stranger at a bar, Kathleen wakes up on a strange bed in a hotel room the next morning. Panicking as she rushes to get to a job interview—Call it unfortunate luck........her one night stand was her soon to be boss Mr Gray.

Bonnie and Clyde. Friends to lovers. Lovers to strangers. Bonnie Angelou has always been in love with her childhood best friend; Clyde. She did so many unimaginable things just to keep him looking at her. Ayaw na ayaw niya kapag naagaw ng iba ang atensyon ng lalaki mula sa kanya. Kaya naman para siyang super glue kung makadikit dito para mabantayan at huwag maagaw ng iba ang minamahal. Lahat ng kalokohan, sasakyan niya. Lahat ng hiling, pagbibigyan niya. Pero sa huli, mukhang hindi pa rin sapat...

Nang malaman ni Jillian na buntis siya, dalawang buwan pagkatapos magkaruon ng aksidenteng pakikipagtalik sa isang estranghero, na akala niya ay si Brent na kanyang boyfriend, yun pala ay ibang lalaki. Nang hanapin niya ang lalaking may kagagawan ng kanyang pagbubuntis, tinanggihan siya nito dahil may hinihintay itong ibang babae. Na stress siya na nagdulot ng pagdurugo during her pregnancy kaya kinailangan siyang dalhin sa ospital. Paggising niya, natagpuan niya ang sarili sa hospital na kasama ang pinakamayamang babae sa mundo na si Madam Lishou. Sa halip na magalit, ininsist ni Madam Lishou ang isang kasal sa pagitan ni Jillian at ng kanyang apo na si Mckenzie. Nalaman kasi nito sa isang source na ang apo nito ang nakabuntis sa kanya. Tumanggi ang lalaki na pakasalan siya, nagalit si Madam Lishou at binantaan ang lalaki na itatakwil kung hindi ito magpapakasal sa kanya. Napilitang pumayag ang lalaki sa kondisyon na civil lamang sila ikakasal. Habang nagkakalapit ang loib nilang mag asawa, biglang nagparamdam ang dalawang tao mula sa kanilang nakaraan, si Tamara na nagnanais na muling mabawi si Mckenzie at si Brent na handa siyang tanggapin ulit sa kabila ng kalagayan niya. Paano ito makakaapekto sa kanilang pagsasama? Sila ba'y paglalayuin ng pagkakataon, o magtatagumpay sila sa harap ng mga pagsubok, na nagpapalakas ng kanilang pagsasama sa paglipas ng panahon?

"I give you two choices, let me fuck your vagina or let me fuck your corpse." Lucas said , he swiped his hands under the drawer, he brought out a gun, a full barreled gun. Bella hoped the alpha's son rejects her, she hoped he never considered her. she saw Lucas walking towards her, with hate and anger. He walked towards her, quickly climbing on the bed, there was no other way for her to escape his claws, he would have her and she won't do anything about it. "Please, do not do these please" Bella screamed, her eyes filled with tears, thick dark circles circled her eyes. He was ready to reject her, but he had a plan, a plan to accept her, take her then reject her....... "Whore, I have some important announcement to make" Lucas said, he laid on the huge bed, regaining the strength he had loosed by having sex with her. "I will reject you, because you do not worth to be my mate." Bella felt something loosed grip from her, as if she was been freed from something dark immediately Lucas pronounced those words. She is still alive under his torture. She That same night she was rejected, she ran away, she ran to the vampire's land, hurt and battered. Running into the hands of Blade Hemlock's men, the vampire king's men who were sent to guard the land. The goddess got her remated to the vampire king, Blade Hemlock. Would she accept her true found love, or would she run away and not accept her new found life in the vampire's pack. Now let's roll into the mysterious tide, between these two mates, who had experienced a painful past. Would they overcome it, or would they allow their past destroy their sweet future?

Her hair is a lustrous blond. Her eyes are flashing blue-violet. She is sweet and childlike. They call her Angelina. Though it doesn't feel right. How can she tell them that underneath her innocent personality she feels something more? Something wild. Something dangerous. Something she had been before. But she doesn't understand. ____ He knows she has secrets. Underneath her timid personality. She is something more. She is someone he will be willing to explore. Something he is willing to expose. He calls her Angel. His Angelina.

Book one of The Moon & Sun Series. Fate is a very funny thing. Sometimes it can bring something amazing into your life, a grand new adventure that will test and challenge you. That will help you grow and learn where you belong in this world. Other times, well... she's just a gigantic witch with a sick sense of humour. I never asked for any of this to happen, to be beat down, hurt and struggle and fight everyday to grow and get better. This was never what I imagined my life would be like. But I'm not one to shy away from a challenge. And I sure as hell won't let a man define me. I make my own path, I will do what needs to be done and if I have to do it on my own, well then so be it.I'll be stronger for it, and there's nothing a man fears more than a strong woman.