Funny Sex Jokes

'My Last Wish.' is Annabelle's favourite book; an unknown author and delicious sex scenes, what's not to love? Well...being the Villainess, Being the villainess is what's not to love! Annabelle, a partially celibate lawyer (Not by choice) with a knack for pole dancing on the weekends with her best friend, wakes up in the arms of a beautiful stranger in what she hoped was a vivid sex dream. But, sadly, it instead becomes her new reality! Annabelle is stuck as the Villainess of her favourite reverse harem romance story--fated to be publicly executed by her contract fiancé, The crown prince of Envia. With no one to trust and nothing but malice offered by the male leads, she has no one to rely on but herself to restore her land to its former glory and clear her debt to escape the clutches of the first prince. Unfortunately, easier said than done, especially with the Prince's Knight constantly around her, her butler constantly watching, the Portburgh tycoon out for her blood and unknown prince's spies watching from the shadows making sure her plans are anything but hidden and her safety anything but guaranteed! (IMPORTANT: THIS BOOK NEEDS HEAVY EDITING, AND, UNFORTUNATELY, IT DID NOT DO WELL ENOUGH FOR BOOK TWO; I AM CONSIDERING EDITING TO COMPLETE THE PLOT IN ONE BOOK, BUT THAT NEEDS TIME (A LOT) AND EFFORT. PLEASE DO NOT PURCHASE UNTIL THIS NOTICE IS ERASED. IT COULD BE YEARS** BECAUSE MY WRITING STYLE HAS CHANGED)

You have a choice," her first mate growled, his eyes cold and calculating. "Either you become my sex tool, or you leave the pack. But you can't take anything with you, not even the clothes on your back." In a world where strength and power are everything, she was an outcast. Her family had died saving a stranger, leaving her alone and despised by all. But the moon goddess had other plans for her, and granted her a mate. He was everything she had ever wanted, but he rejected her, coveting only her beauty. In a fit of rage, she kicked him to the curb and had a one night stand with a stranger. But her mate still had his eyes on her, and her life became a living hell. Bullied, enslaved, and isolated, she longed for a way out. And then, the Lycan King arrived, claiming her as his mate and bringing an end to her suffering. But secrets and dangers lurked in his kingdom, and she knew she couldn't stay. Faced with an impossible choice, she fled with her unborn babies, determined to raise them in secrecy. But why would she run? What was the truth behind her parents' death? And would the Lycan King recognize her and her babies when she returned completely different? As the Lycan King's secrets begin to unravel, she realizes that there is more at stake than just her own survival. Will she find the strength to confront her past and claim her place as the Lycan Queen, or will she be forever haunted by the ghosts of her past? Only time will tell in this gripping tale of love, betrayal, and the power of redemption.

(Complete)She helps me stand up and fuck I really miss her so much, but she still doesn't talk, maybe she was still mad at me. She helps me walk through my room and we fall to my bed together with her. She was on the top. She kisses me again and since I really miss her so much I respond immediately even if I couldn't see clearly. And when our kiss stops, I caressed her face. I call her name but I feel so dizzy, she was about to remove my belt but I stop her and said that “no” But she was so persistent, “Vincent, please just once, please I want you. I want to feel your body through mine” At last, she talked and her voice was so very gentle and I really wanted to hear it all day long. “am I not attracted to you? that's why you keep on refusing to do it with me?” I caress her face and I sigh, she made another conclusion about why I always refuse to do, have sex with her. Does the thought never cross her mind? that I've been respecting her that much that's why I didn't make out with her. However, when she was the one who is controlling my body now I know I couldn't stop myself from doing it. She is was beautiful and smells good to resist aside from that she was so ready to remove my clothes. When she was about to remove my boxer I immediately saw clearly that the liquor that I drink disappeared and I grabbed her two hands and we changed our position now. I'm the one who's on her top and I am pinning her to my bed.

My father owned a very rich and powerful man a huge amount of money and since he couldn't pay back,I was given to him as a price to pay for his debt. I became his possession, his slave,his sex slave,his puppet and most obedient of dogs. His name was Harry Corner. He is a man everyone fears, his name itself will make a hundred of people bow, he was a ruthless billionaire prince with a worst childhood. He is a sacarred idol. Harry was my pain. My sufferings. He abused and defiled me in the most horrible and cruel ways. He brought me pain, He owned my soul He owned my body He owned every piece of my body; to do with it whatever he likes.

Claudia had always enjoyed being in the company of Thorsten, her childhood crush. However, Claudia's parents informed her that Thorsten was not her mate and that the Moon Goddess had fated her to marry a man she had never met. She met her fated mate, Alpha Everett, a wolf from a neighboring kingdom, at a moonball celebration. Claudia was offended when she saw her supposed mate having sex right in front of her on their first meeting, and she vowed she would never marry him. After many warnings from the moon goddess, Claudia is compelled to let go of Thorsten. She ended up in Alpha Everett's packhouse, where she was treated as a slave by her mate and his Beta Concubine, Annette. Is Everett ever going to see her as his true mate? What will Claudia do when she develops feelings for one of Everett's most trusted pack members? Will she give in to her desire right in Everett's home?

Jessiah is a make-up artist aspiring to break into the modeling and beauty industry. She moves to LA when she lands a job at one of the biggest production companies in Hollywood. On her first week on the job, she meets Jenson Ross, a big-deal actor with a murky past and a dark secret only a privileged few know about. × Genres: Romance, Werewolf, Crime EXCERPT [BOOK I of CALI ALPHAS ] _ _ _ "Dollface," he murmured with a little smirk. He snickered and caressed the back of her head, pulling her closer to his chest. "You're like an antidepressant, in human form." Her breath caught.  Her heart sped up when his hug tightened. His warm face pressed onto her neck, his strong hands lightly squeezing her hips. Moments like this only worsened her attraction to him.  The flirty jokes, the easy conversations, the small smiles, his furtive glances, and his unusually sweet gestures lately... She was in deep trouble. Was he kissing her neck?  Shit. He was no longer thinking straight.  About this. About her. About the consequences. He drew her closer when she tried to pull away. As if he didn't want her out of his sight. While his beard scraped her skin, his thighs touched hers. Her throat ached as he stared into her eyes. "Dammit," he sighed, his thumb tracing the curve of her neck, his touch both gentle and eager.  "Why are you so f-cking beautiful?"  "Joss, I need to g—" "Why now?" he murmured, stroking her cheek. He wasn't acting drunk or playing with her.  Not like this. He wouldn't. Not with her real feelings barely held together by some unspoken truths. Otherwise he wouldn't dare let it get this far.  But why wouldn't he let go? "Just stay. Please. Stay here with me." _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Amanda earned extra money by working part-time at a hotel but is dragged into the room and accidentally has sex with a mysterious man. The man left his watch as a token and wanted to make amends. But by chance, Amanda's friend, Mabel instead of Amanda, got to live a luxurious life in a rich house because of the watch. Four years later, Amanda, who gave birth to four children, was notorious, but she was strong, optimistic, and worked hard in her life. Amanda joined the Xi Group(Rowan’s family group) to work and met the mysterious man, Rowan. Rowan recognized Amanda and thought that the housekeeper had reported that Amanda had been spending money and extravagance for four years, but had never seen him any day or care to, and felt that Amanda had come to work to seduce him. In the company, Amanda is harassed by the manager, Mr. Kenny. With the clues provided by her child, Amanda wanted to let the manager's wife, Mrs. Laura broke Mr.Kenny'sy back but did not expect Mr. Kenny to die in the hotel, and she was now also regarded as a murderer.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his body tightening as he released his load inside me, spurting, filling my cunt. I remained still, trembling from the aftershocks, he pulled away, leaving me cold and exposed. I watched as he stood, reaching for his clothes with a casual indifference that felt like a slap. “Where are you going?” “Don’t overthink it. It’s just sex, nothing more.” “But… you didn’t mark me.” “Mark you? Why would I do that?” “Dominic… we’re married,” I tried to remind him desperately. He laughed coldly, mocking. “Marriage is just a contract, Samantha. You’re nothing more than a Luna with no wolf, an obligation I’m bound to.” ~~~ Samantha married Alpha Dominic, the man she’d been hopelessly inlove with, but he couldn’t love her back. He was waiting for his fated mate, not knowing that it was her all along becasue the bond remained hidden, unable to reveal itself due to her wolfless state. And Samantha paid the price—suffering the pain of her husband’s affair with another woman. Broken and betrayed, she ran away from the Silver Crescent Pack, carrying a secret that would change everything: she was pregnant. Six years later, she’s returned, not as the fragile woman she once was but as a fierce mother and the powerful right-hand to Alpha Killian. Her secret? Two five-year-old twins—and a wolf that finally emerged the moment she gave birth. When she unexpectedly crosses paths with Dominic, the Alpha she once loved, her carefully built walls begin to crumble. He’s everything she remembers and more: handsome, dangerous, and shockingly more attractively than she ever thought, drawing her in an inexplicable pull. But Dominic was oblivious to the truth she’s been hiding—the secret of their children...

I parted my lips to speak, when Lila cut in. "It's a sensitive topic, father. Can we eat now?" She requested. I sighed gratefully, watching his actions without showing that I was. He held a glass of wine, and raised it gracefully. I stifled a moan. Goddess, his actions alone were enough to arouse me. He took a sensual sip, and I looked away, feeling my nipples hardening. When last had I felt the life being fucked out of me. Ever since my last boyfriend, that was. I hadn't had good sex since then. ~~~ "If you'll excuse me please." My voice barely sounded like a whisper. Without waiting for another minute, I rushed away, towards my room. I placed my back against the door, breathing hard. I didn't need to check, I could feel my juices soaking through my painties. It was lucky none of them saw my hardened nipple peeking through my dress. Goddess knew why I hadn't worn a bra. I needed a release. The thought had hardly formed in my head, when I rushed towards the bathroom, shutting the door close. I got under the shower, and turned it on. Placing my left leg on the wall, I closed my eyes. I pictured Vincenzo tracing his hand over my shoulder and I shuddered. I pushed my head back, my finger moving farther down my leg. I rubbed gently on my folds through the material, and moaned softly. I was fucking aroused. **** After banishment from her pack, Ella seeks refuge in her friend’s pack. The last thing she ever thought would happen was to fall for her friend’s father and the pleasure he has to offer. Can she navigate the treacherous waters of forbidden love and still maintain her relationship with her best friend?

"Tera do you have one supplier for your business?" "Ofcourse not." "Good, then ran your relationships like you ran your businesses, sometimes sex doesn't have to mean anything. Sometimes it means a new pair pf shoes and bag, sometimes it means rent and sometimes it just means you're horny." "What do you really have under that robe Chloe?" "Ass!" she says as we all start laughing