Really Good Roasts Novels & Stories

On Christmas Eve, my uncle, Adam Stewart, took a sip of the expensive wine I bought and pointed at me, laughing. "A child’s nature really shows early. When she was little, she wet the bed. Now that she's all grown up, she's working as a content creator in her parents' store. "She can't compare to my daughter, Erin Stewart, who has a secure job with guaranteed income. Because you're running a small business, your family will starve if you were to come across the smallest hurdle!" All the relatives at the dining table laughed. Erin pretended to play with her phone, but she was grinning. My parents just smiled politely, at a loss for what to do. I looked icily at Uncle Adam. There were still six hours before the ice apocalypse arrived and the global zombie crisis broke out. In my previous life, Uncle Adam, who always looked down on us, pushed my entire family into the zombie horde to seize my parents' supermarket. This time, I would not let him get away with it. I had just grabbed the plate, ready to smash it over Uncle Adam's head, when a crisp notification rang in my mind. "Ding! Rage Points System has been bound. The host can obtain resources by retaliating. The more shameless you are, the stronger you become!" Looking at Uncle Adam's smug face, I laughed. "Yeah, I don't know anything, but I just recalled something. Uncle Adam, you were arrested by the anti-prostitution squad when you went to Los Anglos on a business trip eight years ago, weren't you? Does Aunt Leanne know about this?"

A heatwave swept across the surface of the Earth right after the end of boot camp. Temperatures rose to 200 degrees Fahrenheit, and all electronic items stopped functioning. Even our water source had all dried up. I was lucky that I never liked the taste of water in college, and I always had five boxes of bottled water standing by in my hostel room. If I rationed my water, I could sustain myself until help arrived, but our instructor suddenly requested everyone to hand in their water to be managed by one person. "We're a group, and it's only by working together that we will be able to sustain ourselves until help arrives! Whoever doesn't hand in their bottled water will be considered the common enemy!" I had no choice but to hand in all the water I had. However, the instructor was not fair with his water rationing. He would give the women one bottle a day, while I only had one bottle cap's worth of water. "You're a man, aren't you? It doesn't matter if you have less water. Do you really want to fight the fairer sex for a little water? The ladies should be pampered like princesses. Can't a man like you bear some responsibility to take care of them?" I wanted to argue with him, but my girlfriend, who was also my childhood sweetheart, helped the instructor tie me up and flung me under the sun to be burned to death. When I opened my eyes next, I had returned to the day before the heatwave. This time, I moved all of my water into a cave and watched gleefully as that lecherous instructor got thrown under the sun by his pampered female trainees to be burned.

This is the seventh year of my arranged marriage to Frank Jackson, yet he is constantly seeing other women. Because of that, I become known in our circle as the ever-tolerant wife. Everyone is watching and waiting to see when a mistress will finally replace me. But when I unexpectedly get pregnant, I hear a furious voice screaming at me from my belly in my mind. "Mommy, are you some holy saint? In your past life, you kept tolerating everything. That was exactly why my scumbag dad's mistress drove you out and left you for dead on the streets! "That vile woman is practically trampling all over you. How can you not fight back? Slap her! While you're at it, give my fool of a dad a good slap, too! The more you tolerate, the more people push their luck. You need to stand up for yourself and divorce that scumbag!" I swallow nervously, but my hand is already itching to act. Maybe I should try doing what the baby says...

My nephew, Jason, came to live with my family for three years while he went to high school in the city. I took care of him the best I could, never once thinking it was a burden. The day he got accepted into a top-ranked university, he went live online. He told thousands of strangers about his miserable life living under someone else's roof. "I know I shouldn't say this, but I really suffered through it. "Those days of depending on others… I never want to think about them ever again. "I just want all parents to know this. No matter how poor you are, keep your kids with you. Even eating scraps together is better than watching another family of three enjoy a feast while you sit alone in the corner." He became an overnight sensation, so did I. The people on the internet dug up everything about me. My name, my job, my address. I was doxxed. I died depressed from the online bullying. However, I somehow got to do it all over again. This time, I was not going to be the saint anymore.

During a charity gala, my boyfriend bids on a pair of matching watches but gives one of them to his true love. The media excitedly capture the scene and ask, "You bought a million-dollar watch without even batting an eye, Mr. Loewe. You've been single all these years—is it time for you to make an official announcement on your relationship status?" Everyone off stage applauds him, and I join them. I give him my blessings for his so-called announcement. To make it up to me, he attends my birthday celebration. Yet he pushes me into the cake to make his true love happy. Unbeknownst to him, there's a steel rack in the cake to keep it steady. I end up bloodied and on the brink of death.

My name is Estelle Langdon. My boyfriend, Nathan Schumer, doesn't love me. But good thing he's poor. One kiss costs 30,000 dollars, and one night of intimacy costs 100,000 dollars. Just as I am about to spend another two million dollars to renew our relationship for another year, the housekeeper's daughter, Sherry Tate, suddenly runs over in tears. At the same moment, I hear the voice of a child coming from her belly. "Mom, don't be scared. Dad is about to be reborn right now! "If it hadn't been for this nasty woman forcing Dad to stay with her money, how could you have missed out on each other for eight years? Only after Dad kills her do you finally reunite! "Luckily, everything started over. As long as Dad uses the two million dollars to buy Burkcoin, we can pay off Grandpa's gambling debts and Grandma's medical bills." I glance at Nathan, who suddenly carries himself with a cold and noble composure. Then, I quietly withdraw the black card I was holding out. Burkcoin, huh? This once-in-a-lifetime fortune will be mine.

After I reincarnated, I went to the hospital right away to get an abortion. In my past life, I was suddenly found to be pregnant with fraternal boy-girl twins after a childless marriage of five years. I was told that I needed to abort one, or I could die due to the excess size of the foetuses, but while I hesitated, I heard my son's voice. [Mommy! You have to abort this brat—she's going to kill me! She's been stealing all the food!] [She's not my sister—she's Tina and daddy's bastard! They used black magic to move her here and kill me, while you would treat her like your own daughter… and she can then inherit all the family wealth!] Hearing that, I promptly went to the hospital to abort the twin daughter, keeping the son. But on the day I went into labor, he threw a fit, punching and kicking my room until he finally killed me. And just before I died, I heard him gloating. [Stupid broad! You really believed me and aborted your own daughter! Just die already! I'm going to meet my parents!] When I opened my eyes again, Tina was sitting right in front of me, telling me to abort one of my babies…

My best friend, Sydney Cox, is a troublemaker by nature. She thinks everyone around her owes her a good life. During summer break, she insisted on working in a factory. I was worried that she might get tricked, so I let her work in my family's factory out of the kindness of my own heart. In fact, I even gave her the easiest position with the lightest work. But I didn't expect her to think that her salary was lower than that of the veteran employees in the factory, leading to her setting fire to my neighborhood. The blaze was far too strong. Even though the firefighters came as soon as possible, my family and I still ended up dying in the fire. When I open my eyes again, I've returned to the day before Sydney's first day in a factory.

"I'm sorry, but this flight is overbooked. We're going to compensate you twenty dollars. Please deplane immediately." The head flight attendant had my suitcase in a death grip. Her tone wasn't a request—it was an order. I gave her a cold look, then turned my gaze to the man beside us, who had just been escorted onto the plane, draped in designer labels. "Why does he get to board after showing up late, while I—who paid full price—am being forced off?" She let out a mocking laugh and lowered her voice to taunt me. "Because he's the son of a top-tier medical conglomerate in Scallow City. He's rushing there to beg an elusive miracle doctor—the famous Phantom Surgeon—to save his life. "No matter how urgent your business is, can it really compare to a human life? If you delay Mr. Stafford, ten lives couldn't pay for it. Now get off." Several security guards dragged me off the plane by force as I watched the cabin doors close. I laughed in sheer disbelief. The "Mr. Stafford" she was talking about was William Stafford, and he was terminally ill. What she didn't know was that I was the very "Phantom Surgeon" his entire family had been on their knees begging for three months—pleading with me to fly to Scallow City and perform his surgery today. Since they threw me off the plane, I won't be doing that operation. As for William, he can go ahead and wait for death.

On the day I receive my Distinguished Service Medal, I also receive word that my grandma has passed away. My superior grants me special leave to return to my hometown to mourn her death, so I rush to my ancestral home at once. But when I reach the ancestral graveyard behind the hill, I witness something that makes my blood boil. The graves of my deceased family members have been razed to the ground. Even my parents' graves have been brutally dug up. Their urns are now placed under flower pots filled with blooming red roses. Grandma's coffin has been pried open as well.Her body now lies strewn on the ground and has started to rot. I also see Lucy Stewart, my autistic younger sister. Melissa Abbott, my wife's assistant, orders Lucy around like a maid, forcing her to move heavy construction materials around. Enraged, I grab Melissa by the throat and throw her to the ground. "How dare you destroy my family's ancestral cemetery and make my sister do hard labor! Do you want to end up buried here too?" Melissa coughs up blood before crawling back onto her feet, her expression vicious and scornful. "I'm simply carrying out Ms. Fuller's instructions. She says that your ancestral cemetery is located in a good spot. It's also the perfect size to be turned into a private horse ranch and a garden for her future husband. "Ms. Fuller calls the shots here in Joverton City. Who the hell do you think you are, huh?" Resisting the urge to put an end to her life, I call up Eva Fuller, my wife. "I heard you call the shots here in Joverton City. Well, I shall put that to the test today!"