Miuerella's Monologue

Why do people hate darkness? All of my life, darkness fostered me, gave solitude to my wounded soul. Light for me was often short-lived.

I am a deformed cub, so my parents only saw me as a competitor for resources. Why not erase my existence in this cruel world? Why would you always hit me with your leather belt when you could have strangled me with it?

If the sight of me made you puke, then why not behead me? Please end my suffering now.

Yes, I’m an unlovable child, but why am I still longing for warmth that would thaw my frozen heart and let me grow as an individual?

Was it because of my dream that an angel would knock on my door on an unexpected day?

“I’m Lady Bethany Grimaldi and, I want to be friends with you.”

The Almighty God, was she the angel you’ve sent me?

I made sure that the sleeves of my dress would cover my arms. This sewn scarf by stitching different old rags together served its job.

I tried to stand but this unbearable pain made it impossible so I crawled like a cockroach just to let my guest in.

An angel in a black hooded cloak entered and wandered around my room. Her minimal steps and movements resembled my neighbor rats who always sneaked every night hoping they would find food in my place.

“Nice to meet you, Bethany, I’m Miuerella. Why would you want to befriend me?”

She laid a royal blue fleece duvet on the floor and coughed when she inhaled the dust particles accumulated on the old wooden planks. I patted her back while I bit my nails on my right hand. This is my first time to have a guest, but then it was a failure. I breathed a sigh of relief after her coughs stopped.

“Why? Is it bad to befriend a girl around my age?”

“There is nothing bad at all, but I’m an exception. Why would you give your coat to me? You’ll be cold too!”

I shook my head. Yeah, there was nothing wrong with befriending a girl around your age, but know that in our world, having connections with the most fragrant flower in the high society is a must. Why would you pick a wilted flower on the muddy road?

“You would gain nothing from me, Lady Bethany.”

She placed her left hand on her chin and focused on the stacks of straws and sat only to withdraw from it. You shouldn’t have sat on someone’s bed, My Lady.

“Please, just accept my help. As a friend, I was heartbroken about seeing your condition. You were the Count’s firstborn, but what kind of hell is this?”

I put my hand on my chest as I watched her shed tears. What was this sensation? You won’t see a fireplace, but the frost didn’t bother me. I rushed to her side to console her too. Oh, Almighty God, if you were listening, please let this underdog befriend the guardian you’ve sent.

The very next day, everything was a mere dream. Reality waved back at me.

My father sent a man and instructed me to ride in a carriage. What was happening? I felt a heaviness in my heart as I watched the manor getting smaller in my eyes. Thank you for your friendship, Lady Bethany.

We stopped at one of my father’s castles in the dense forest called Iltush. This is the place where the Count kept his captives—from the useful ones that would bring his fortune to the people who betrayed him. Not far away from the castle was a cave where he was managing his underground business.

The man instructed me to accompany the Count’s newest. If I did an outstanding job, he would consider upgrading my room. I nodded because what could I do? I’m just his pawn.

Although my father didn’t instruct him to feed me, we headed to the kitchen, and he gave me a warm bowl of squash soup and a piece of freshly baked pretzel.

When was the last time I ate an airy and fluffy bread that instantly melts when you dipped it in your soup? When did I see the steam coming out from the bread when I broke it in half? How about the hearty goodness that a soup brought? This was the second time I had a wonderful meal like this.

After the lavishing meal, he brought me to a cell then tied my feet using the long iron chain that tied to the sole window in the dungeon.

I don’t mind being alone, but who was it this time? Why do I have to accompany this person? What has he/she done to irritate my father? What a poor soul. If I could only let that person escape.

My mind got tired because of thinking possibilities and fantasies enough for me to fall asleep. I woke up because of the clanking of the chains and the aromatic jasmine scent that consoled me.

“I didn’t know that your father has a habit of caging pretty ladies. Did he mistake us for dolls?”

I slowly crawled to sit next to her. With trembling hands, I held hers. What was she doing here? Did the Count discover that she helped me, that’s why catastrophe befell her?

Like a loving mother, she kissed my forehead and wiped my tears with a white handkerchief she pulled from her corset.

I knew it. I should have not grasped good opportunities because the more I did, the more damage it may have caused, just like what happened to this angel that experienced hell.

“Do not blame yourself, my dear. That deranged guy was the root of these miseries.”

Why does she know me well, as if we were friends for a very long time?

I wish I had the same courage to give spiteful remarks.

Speaking of the devil, he came. There was only one thing that I wanted to achieve, that’s saving her. As usual, my father would harshly react every time I speak up my mind. I closed my eyes, ready to accept his rage when a magical ball secluded us from this cruel fate.

Was it the Imperial family’s blessing? I just read this from a book, and now I witnessed its destructive force. The angel could receive such a gift—she deserved it. But who gave it? Was it the Crown Prince?

I glanced at Lady Bethany when her grip tightened. The demon approached us again. My eyes widened when his head flew in the air.

“Look who’s dickhead now. Even your blood stinks.”

I hid behind the angelic lady because I don’t want to see that man’s head. I should laugh because he passed away, but I am hollow like bamboo.

“Lady Bethany, my knight would lead you to a sanctuary,” Duke Frederick said.

My sanity bade farewell because of the series of events that made me restless. Lady Bethany offered me to live in her house! A nice offer however, I don’t want to inconvenience her besides, I still have Mother. No. Why would I stay with people who act as if I’m not hers? This was my chance to go on a journey as the angel’s maid and turn into a beautiful swan!