Chapter 2

THE HOLLOW FEELING

I didn't even wait for the doctor to reach me, I rushed to him. " Doctor, how was it? Is my mom okay? Is she going to be fine now?" I just kept bombarding him with questions, until he told me to calm down. I did my best to, breathing in and out. When I was able to calm down I focused on the doctor now being calm waiting for his feedback.

"Miss, for now, everything seems under control, your mother will be under observation until we can promise you that her life is no longer in danger." Not giving me the opportunity to ask more questions he excused himself going back into the surgery room. What did he mean by for now? Is he trying to say he didn't even know if my mom was going to be okay? I couldn't dwell on that, my mom was going to be fine and I know that.

My mom was brought out from the surgery room back to her room and the sight of her made me want to cry, she had so many machines on her I couldn't even name, some stuck to her wrist, her mouth, it wasn't a pleasing sight, one would think she was dead if not for the sound coming from the heart machine. I was cleaning her body. She has been unable to take a proper bath since she came to this hospital because of her condition so this has been our method of getting her cleaned. When I was done cleaning her I went down to the hospital canteen to get something to eat. Lately, I've been unable to eat, due to loss of appetite which wasn't helping because I was losing weight.

I ordered a burger and a cup of coffee. I sat down and started biting into the burger looking outside and seeing people living their lives while mine seemed to be on pause, life wasn't fair sometimes. After I was done eating I discarded the burger wrap and empty cup making my way back up.

It's been two weeks now, two weeks looking at my mom's seemingly lifeless body but she was alive, it was like I was living life walking on eggshells, I was always nervously checking the heartbeat monitor as if I took my eyes off even for a second I was going to lose her. I didn't want to even think about the fact that I was constantly reminded that I had to move in with Markus to keep my end of the deal.

I was interrupted by the opening of the door. I turned to see the nurse who usually comes to check my mom entering with a tray in hand containing the things she'll be using to check my mom. It was time for me to step out. Whenever my mom was being checked I had to go out and come back in about thirty minutes, which gave me time to walk around the hospital floors. I ended up in the hospital chapel. I just sat on one of the benches looking at the statue of Jesus that was placed there. I didn't have to say anything, I was sure He knew why I was led here. He knows all after all, my mother needs peace at this point of her life, she has gone through enough already, let her just be okay. After my little prayer, I just sat down to reflect on my life, things were perfect until the day my dad left my mom, it was like a part of her was taken with him, she didn't function well again, and that was when I knew I lost both parents. At fifteen I was already fending for myself.

Deciding that it was time to go back and check on my mom, I stood up looking at the altar one more time before leaving.

As I got to the floor where my mom was staying I saw doctors and nurses all in a rush, for a moment I couldn't help but worry but I remembered the doctor's words this morning that my mom was doing fine and everything seemed to be under control. All that was needed was for her to wake up. But I was wondering about the patient they were running to. As I got close I began to notice that it was my mom's room, I quickly sprinted into a run as I got to the door I was stopped by a doctor.

"Am sorry ma'am you can't come in." I wasn't thinking straight and if this doctor didn't leave my sight I was going to vent the anger on him.

"What do you mean? That's my mom in there." By this time I was already crying, I couldn't control it. I tried to pass the doctor but he wouldn't let me in. I was so angry, I could burn the whole hospital. The doctor closed the door and left me outside while I waited in anguish. Soon the door opened and my mom was wheeled again with doctors hovering around her. I couldn't even get close to her, I just followed behind them, and there was nothing I could do to help. I was sure they were taking her to the operating room for yet another surgery.

I was in uncontrollable tears, I just couldn't push away that nagging feeling that something was going to go wrong.

Doctors kept going in and out of the room, and each time I tried to get any information but nobody had my time. I was nervously tapping my feet when one of the doctors rushed to me.

" We need blood for her as soon as possible and her blood type is currently not in the hospital.."

"I will donate mine," I said to him as I was already moving, to nowhere in particular.

" We can't take from you, you're not in the state to be giving us blood right now." I lost it at the moment raising my voice.

"What do you mean?! My mom's life is in danger and if I decide to donate my blood there's nothing you can do to stop me." I think that convinced him enough because he gave a nod and told me to follow him. He didn't need to tell me twice. We got to the examination room and he tested my blood to make sure I was okay, then he drew blood from me, and as I watched the blood go into the bag, I couldn't help but think, so will this be enough to save her? Will she be well again?

When the doctor was done he passed it to a nurse who took it out of the room as quickly as she could, I tried to stand up and follow her but the doctor wouldn't let me. I stayed calm because I was indeed weak. I just got blood drained from my body. I couldn't rest, my mind kept thinking the worst.

When I felt rested enough I decided to go back to check my mom. I sat down on the joint chair that was outside as I massaged the area where the needle was inserted in me to draw blood. I was there for like five minutes before a doctor finally came out, taking off his nose mask he walked to me and I didn't like the look on his face.

" We tried all we could."