56. Declan

In the dark, touching her face it almost seemed like we could make it. My wolf pushed a million different begging, adoring, forgiving things I should tell her.

All the stresses that had been building up on me since she confessed. Knowing about Howen and Viktor’s twisted connection, worrying about Reu being so odd lately. The fact that in a few weeks I’d be facing my rigid superiors. Justifying the chaos that took place, plus the treasure safe still not being open.

However, the swirling carnage of my mind started to simmer down. The longer I inhaled that vanilla and held her gentle little face in my hand, it all seemed mangeable.

Then my pulse quickened as I felt her cheek leaning into my palm, then her own slender fingers wrapped around mine, keeping me planted to her. I close my eyes. There is a strange thudding sound, and then I feel her hand on my chest. Whatever food she had picked up scattered to the ground.

It felt like a dream, the kind where you’re almost certain you’re awake but not quite. I could feel my pulse under her gentle touch, the coldness of her damp hair in my fingers.

A soft voice broke through. “Elvie and Sol damaged four fur pelts of Corina’s. For each one, she found she slashed a bag of grain open.”

I exhaled sharply. “Okay. When did you find this out?”

“Elvie told me during the attack. Corina was locked up. I thought maybe it wasn’t important to know. But I don’t want any more secrets. Corina told me I am only alive because Valdis wanted me as bait to lure my mother back. I saw Viktor today, and even though he probably did need treatment, I just walked away. I-” and I feel a tear trickle onto my thumb.

“Stop it, you don’t have to do this,” I rasp, and her hand lifts from my chest, an aching coldness left behind.

I couldn’t stand it. She was confessing to me like I was her judge and jury. That was never what this was about. I don’t want to own her life and thoughts. I just want her trust. Her love.

I know I had her love, I don’t doubt that anymore. But the two must go hand in hand.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to make things right,” she said before pulling my hand away from her face. “I think I better go.”

My tongue seizes as I feel her little body, apparently clad in the softest, most delicious feeling silk brush past me and escape. I keep my eyes closed, avoiding the glare of the lights from the corridor, cursing my stupidity.

I realise she has left her food behind and bang my head against the door in frustration. Going hungry because of me now.

I slowly walk back to my dorm but for a change I keep going and wander into the empty Valdis suite. With a head full of vanilla and regret I walk through the full length. I wander to the final few unopened boxes and pry one open. It’s not like I’ll be getting any sleep anyway.

A clinking sound confirms my hopes. With a grunt I heave away the rest of the wooden lid and grab a bottle of whiskey. Burning alcoholic numbness. That is my full moon sorted.

Reu can stick to his tea, I’ll give the old fashioned methods of surviving a fucking miserable full moon. Bottle stashed, I continue to wander the corridors. I check in with Fabian and Dill that Viktor is under guard, Mara is not to be allowed near him.

I knock on her and Elvie’s door and Mara answers with a face full of fury.

“You struck a fellow pack member today,” I say gruffly.

“I did,” her long blonde hair falling over her shoulder as she shifts her weight from foot to foot on the cold concrete floor.

“Lockdown. One week. Elvie can you move your things to a different room before the Council Meeting tomorrow?”

“Yes Alpha,” she replied from a high bunk in the corner. Mara started protesting but I’m not in the mood. This is how I should have been from the start. A strict, no-nonsense bastard.

Nightmares chase me to sleep.

I yelp and growl when the striplights flicker like knives into my stinging eyes. I yelp again when I see a pissed off Reu staring down at me. Dressed entirely in white I can’t help remarking, “you’re one miserable fucking angel.”

“I’ll head the meeting today, tell them you’re not feeling well..”

I sighed and flopped back onto my pillow. “Tell me Reu, how do keep so fucking frozen. How do you just live without feeling a thing?”

“Right now Alpha it’s a hell of a challenge. I’m here to support you but, I don’t know, take a day to yourself. Talk to Lyra. Just get it sorted.”

“If you wanted to be leader Reu you should have said so,” I replied bitterly, hauling my huge frame out of the bed.

“I’m not saying that, “ Reu replied sharply. “I want to see you happy. I don’t want to lead-”

“You did once.You were destined to. What changed? Everyone is so full of secrets, so many lies everywhere.”

“Including yourself,” Reu added, “you didn’t announce your heritage straight away, that you were Alpha of this place. That Corina was your half-sister!”

“Because I was under instructions not to,” I growled. “Do we have a problem here?”

“No.” Reu replied firmly, pulling the door shut. “But I expect your apology after the full moon.”

“I expect you to man the fuck up and do something about Elvie.” I had crossed the line. Reu glared down with ice in his eyes. I’d struck a nerve.

After he left I was more annoyed that Reu was correct. This wasn’t how to cope. If I don’t have Lyra I need to find another way to manage The stresses of leadership are mine to bear. It is what I have been trained for.

Full moon approaching I was helping remove gym equipment, talking to every single servant, checking in on every Rogue. I was professional, nice. I told the Rogues they needed to tag out every hour, one man needed to be on guard and wander between Viktor, Mara and Howen.

I was the Alpha they all wanted but I felt like an actor reciting lines.

Still, when the bass of the full moon started pounding and my wolf started pushing me to tear through every room in this hellhole I headed back to the safes. I’d already polished off the first bottle, achieving nothing. I was going to need to be seriously drunk to see off this full moon.

My mind conjured up the images of Lyra squirming, writhing on the bed naked. Knowing her wolf would be begging for my touch just as mine did hers. I knew all the different sounds I could wring from her.

I’d jerked off countless times already, nothing removing the desire to actually hold her. The hours crawled. Barely halfway through the full moon and I was almost foaming at the mouth in desperation.

My wolf was tugging at the last threads of willpower. Mine. Mate? Those taunting words of potential circling round. I know she’s mine. I don’t need to be above ground to know that her soul is tied to mine. So what the hell am I doing?

Getting more alcohol.

Just as I reached into the suiteI heard a strange sound merging in with the thudding bass. My wolf pricked up with interest.

Quietly, my feet bare, wearing light grey sweatpants and a jersey top I tracked down the sound. It seemed to be in sync with the heavier beats. Corridor Six. The lights were already dimmed to almost nothing. I started to shiver as I walked down the long gloomy corridor. Fearing a burst pipe or failed boiler I continued exploring.

Then I heard the panting sounds of a person. Backing myself against the corridor wall I edged past the final doorway. There was nothing around it but the metal ladder connecting to the sealed bunker doorway in the ceiling.

I suddenly understood why I was so cold. Standing halfway up a ladder wielding a huge cleaver and a meat skewer was a male figure. Wearing black leathers lined, covered in tiny shards of ice. I blink twice in case the whiskey was stronger than I thought. Definitely ice.

Around the base of the ladder lay bigger chunks. The cardinal, unbreakable rule of the Freeze had been shattered. Opening the bunker door, leaving us open to frostbite, pipe freezes and chaos.

“Howen…what the hell are you doing?”