"My day went well. I have met my colleagues in a cafe to talk about our new project, but most of the talks were not actually about the project but about unrelated things. I wanted to protest and ask them to focus on our work, but I kept quiet of course. They even asked me to join them to go to a club after the meeting which I'm sure they didn't mean to. I know everyone thinks of me as a boring girl who doesn't know how to have fun.
I wanted to say I would love to join them and see the surprised looks on their faces but of course again, I didn't.
It is a boring day and I hope I can finally meet someone whom I can share my thoughts everyday with.”
That's my diary entry for the day. As a 30-year old lady, I still write a diary. I know what you are thinking, old-school eh? But that's me.
My name is Jessica Myers, I work in an advertising company. I am basically nobody. I grew up being bullied by other kids. They laughed at how I look, how I speak. They laughed about everything related to me. But I don't know why I never felt mad at them, I found what they said about me funny as well, so it is okay. And I like them. At least I never felt alone whenever they talked about me.
I remember one time when I was in high school. Three of my male classmates sat around me in our classroom and talked about how I would die and how my coffin would look like. They said I would die in luxury because my coffin will be air-conditioned with a kitchen and a master's bedroom. I don't know how that would happen but anyway, I just listened to their stories and how happy they were imagining the things I would do ground under.
I grew up without so many friends. I prefer being alone. I enjoy the solitude. And so that's what I thought.
I realized at this age of mine, being alone is sometimes not good. Living alone in an apartment makes a person like me lonely sometimes. I am not complaining though. It is partly my choice.
My life, I am sure, is better than other people who always worry about money, but there is still something missing. You know the feeling of going home and finding no one to talk to, no one is happy to welcome you or eat with you. Is it a sign that I am really old? I hope not. I guess that is the reason why I still make diary entries despite my age.
Time for bed.
Another battle tomorrow.
Another boring day.
Another sad day.
Everyone seems excited about what they will do tonight and this weekend. Some people are thinking about having a picnic with their family or just staying at home. Others are thinking about spending time with their partners. And there are also others, like me, who plan to stay at home.
I am thinking on what Korean drama will be good for this weekend and whether I will buy beer or wine.
"What will you do tonight?" A voice made me go back to reality. It is my friend Annie. Actually, she is the only friend I have here. She is pretty and very kind to me so I like her a lot.
"I don't have any plans. Maybe, stay home and watch movies," I replied.
"You should go out with me and Mike. He has three tickets for this gig in a bar. It is our favorite acoustic band. Join us," she said smiling. Mike is her long-time boyfriend. I have met him a couple of times.
"I am not sure whether you will be happy that I would be there. I am afraid I will ruin the mood,"
"You always refuse my invite. I'm starting to think you don't really like going out with me," Annie said. She is throwing her wild card, the making-you-feel-guilty card which I always fall for.
"I don't want to be the third wheel between you two. I think that will be awkward." Despite meeting them on some occasions, I have never gone out with them yet and I don't have any plans going out with them.
"If you don't join tonight, I will never talk to you again," she said frowning but I think she already knew that she won.
"Okay! I will go with you, but I won't stay there for long. Maybe an hour will do. Happy?" I answered.
"Good! See you tonight, then." she stated looking very happy.
I am sure it will be a long night. I don't like bars, drinking with other people and especially being with those I’m not familiar with. "It won't be very long. Just an hour." I tried to convince myself. I hope an urgent thing will happen or they will forget about it.
Unluckily, nothing happened that day and I had to go with them in the bar.
We were picked up by Mike from our workplace and we traveled for about an hour to the bar. The commute was a bit awkward. The two people sitting in front were very sweet to each other, exchanging glances from time to time while giggling, talking about how their day went. I was at the backseat, like I wasn't even existing. I can't help but to be envious to Annie. She is such a lucky woman with a very cute boyfriend, something that I wish I also have. I smiled the whole time, looking like an idiot, and at times I had to pretend I was sleeping.
The bar has blue and red dim lights. Cigar smoke is everywhere, a place where I can never get used to. Don't get me wrong, I have been to a bar a couple of times. I have also experienced hanging out in clubs but I will never get used to such a place. I guess this place is not for me. But of course, since I am with friends, I have to pretend that I like it. The place is quite crowded. The seats were almost all taken. We were ushered by a waiter to our table and luckily, it is located at the corner near the restroom. A few minutes later, three guys approached our table. They are Mike's colleagues and he asked them to join us in the table. Though I don't feel comfortable with it, I can't say no.
I was introduced to the three additional members in our table. They are Ben, Jason and Jeff. After a brief handshake, they were nice enough to ask me some questions about myself. I stuttered every time I answered and I guess they could sense I was uncomfortable so they changed the subject.
We ordered beer and chips and since I and Annie didn't have dinner yet, we ordered sandwiches. I was smiling the whole time and was listening to their conversation. I enjoy listening to their stories and as long as they don't ask me questions, I know I will be fine.
The band started to play songs and the place is a bit noisy that it is difficult to talk without shouting which for me is better since I don't need to talk to anyone.
After eating sandwiches, everyone was asked to drink beer. At first I tried to decline but Annie insisted and used her trick again so as expected, I couldn't resist. I am not used to drinking alcohol so I am scared that I might get drunk easily. After my first bottle, I am surprised to see that I am okay.
I didn't realized that our table is now crammed because their are three women who joined us. And everyone has now a partner, except me, of course but it is perfectly fine because they all seemed to be busy.
My eyes were fixed to the drummer. He seems happy playing the drums and the longer I look at him, the more I noticed how cute he is. He has expressive eyes, his lips are pinkish, he has broad shoulders and his hair looks very neat which is not common for a band member I think. He looks handsome and sexy. I didn't realize that I was just staring at him the whole time and he is also looking at me.
Yay! He is also looking at me. Am I too obvious?? What should I do?? How can I escape this situation?
I pretended I wasn't looking at him and just looked at Annie then started talking to her.
The first set was done and they stopped playing. The band members went around to say hi to the audience and thanked them for coming. I became more nervous when I saw the drummer coming towards our table with a fixed smile on his face. When he arrived at our table, he said hi and gave a handshake to everyone on the table. When it is his time to exchange handshake with me, he said,
"Hi, my name is Lance Mendez. What's yours?"
Lance Mendez. A name which I heard for the first time but seems music to my ears. His smile makes my bones weak, my cheeks red and my heart flutter. He is what every woman would dream of."Hey, Jez. It's rude to stare. Lance is offering a handshake," Annie exclaimed.I am back to reality. I am so embarrassed. What was I thinking?!Everyone on the table is looking at me, waiting for my response. I got his hand and gently shake it. His hand is soft and his skin is smooth. He’s still smiling and seems like waiting for something."And, your name?" he added."Jessica, yeah, Jessica," I replied stuttering."Nice name, Jessica. Can I buy you a drink?" he asked."No, thanks," I answered. I can't look at him directly, having him in front of me makes me tense, and I don't know why."How about any song request? I can ask my group to play it for you" he said."I, hmm, I can't think of anything, I can't actually think right now
Someone is calling. And it is Lance. My first reaction? I jumped from my bed. I can't contain the excitement I have inside. I wanted to shout but of course without any sound, my neighbours might think I am crazy. Before answering his call, I tried to compose myself first, I took a deep breath, and let out a gentle "ooh"."Hello," I picked the call up."Hello. This is Lance. Am I disturbing you?""No!" I almost shouted. "I mean, I'm not very busy at the moment. How are you?""I'm good. Just taking some rest before meeting my band mates again. We have a gig," he explained."Oh, I thought you are tired," I tried my best not to sound worried."Yeah, but work is work. We already committed to the bar so we cannot cancel that one. And we are all used to working like that. Are you worried?”"Haha! Should I be?""Does it make you feel uncomfortable if I call you? You know, you barely know me but here I am, intruding your private t
Growing up as a child could be the best memory for everyone except me. I was bullied when I was young. The main reason why I think I grew up as a boring person, afraid to make friends with others, someone who doesn't have self-confidence and is afraid to trust. I remember being slapped on the face by my classmates in the restroom a couple of times."You shouldn't be in this school. You look like a witch. Look at your hair, and your eyes! You are different." The exact statements I could hear from a group of girls who kept chasing after me every break time.I went home many times without my backpack, not knowing where it was. My mom had to come to school many times to ask my teacher what happened to my things. Interestingly, my bag will be back on my desk the next day and so my mom thought I was just forgetful and careless.I didn't understand why these girls hated me so much. I didn't remember doing anything bad to them. Even though I wanted to figh
First stop.We went to a Korean restaurant downtown. I haven't been here before, actually, I haven't been to a lot of places since I don't go out that often. We were ushered by a waitress to a vacant table."Do you like Korean food? I chose this place because I think most women like Korean cuisine." Lance explained."I am fine with it. Honestly, I haven't tried any Korean dish yet. I just saw it in dramas and heard about it from my friends.""This is a perfect place then. I am sure you will like the food here."The waitress came back with a portable stove in hand. She laid it on the table and gave us chopsticks."Do you want to use chopsticks? We can ask for spoon and fork." Lance said."I don't know how to use these but I want to learn.""Wait here. I will get everything we need, okay?"Then he left to get our food.The restaurant is quite big with a lot of customers, mostly in groups. On the walls, pictures of t
The RumorI prepared myself to go to work. Putting make up is something I am not used to do but since I am inspired, I want to always look good. I also chose a dress for today since I might meet Lance again tonight. It is only Tuesday but many things have already happened. I can't wait to share them to Annie.In my workplace, most of my colleagues noticed the changes in me. They began complimenting my looks."You should always dress like that.""You look like a real woman now. Why did you do that too late?""You are blooming. Do you have a boyfriend now?"Those are some of the things I heard from them and instead of answering, I just smiled. Sometimes, it is better to keep quiet so they will stop asking more questions.When I reached my table, Annie came to me immediately."So, are you still going to keep a secret from me? I'm starting to feel like we are not friends anymore. Is it too difficult to share? I wo
Waking up beside someone you love can be the most wonderful thing in the world. I realized I missed a lot of things in my life. I wonder how my life would have been if I were more outgoing, and friendlier. Seeing Lance beside me makes me feel so young again, and having these feelings makes me feel safe, that nothing can hurt nor harm me.I watched him sleeping for a few minutes, just staring at his face and how broad his shoulders are. This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just hope I am not the only one who's taking things seriously.I was not able to tell him all the doubts I had. I was not able to clear things up with his relationship but it doesn't matter. I trust him and I think, that's all that matters.I got up from bed not feeling well. I have muscle pain everywhere, so I decided to call in sick. I usually don't get absent from work since for me, work is my life and that is the only thing that's making me busy.
I woke up the next day not knowing what I feel. I am heartbroken but at the same time, I am more relaxed and determined. Today, everything will change.I spent a longer time preparing to go to work than usual. After having breakfast, I prepared all the things I needed for work. I also spent more time choosing what clothes and shoes to wear. I don't have a lot in my closet, but I think my wardrobe is decent enough. I like shopping during my free time, though I don't normally use the clothes I bought. I just put them in my closet and feel satisfied just looking at them. I think now is the time for me to make use of them. That's the main purpose why people buy clothes anyway.I left home feeling light-hearted. As I took the bus, I could feel some eyes looking at me which made me ask myself. Is my dress too short? Am I showing too much skin?I arrived the office expecting my colleagues would tease me, but this time it will be in a positive way.As I approache
I am still overwhelmed with what's happening with me. It seems surreal and I am not used to it. I asked Mr. Smith to give me some time to think about his offer and I will get back to him as soon as possible.I didn't tell anyone about the offer. I have to think first whether I am ready to level up my responsibilities. I don't have the confidence to handle a team. Anyway, I'll think about it deeply.I was busy thinking about what Mr. Smith said when my phone beeped. Someone sent a message."Hi. This is Gino. Sorry for the late message. I hope you still remember me." End of message.The message made me smile. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's not common for me to receive messages from other people, especially from a man. I cannot deny that I kind of like it but at the same time, it is also making me feel hesitant. What if he is like Lance? What if he leaves me later, leaving me heartbroken again?I stopped myself thinking more. I am becoming