Life is so unfair… It has never been fair to everyone. Being alive can be happy and can be loneliness. It offers you pain or suffering. It’s either you choose to be contented or to crave more. Either you controlled it or lived with it.
As for me, life has no meaning. Being born into this world gives me pain and suffering. It was telling me that I was born not to rule my life but to be ruled by someone else. The people around me have always predicted my future. They were the ones who decide whether I choose this or not.
Wala akong choice kun’di ang sundin ang tahak na binibigay nila sa akin. Kasi sa mga mata nila iyon dapat ang patutunguhan ko at wala ng iba. Na simula ng isinilang ako sa mundong ito ay ipinagkait na sa akin ang sariling kalayaan.
Simula noon hanggang ngayon ay nakakulong pa rin ako sa mga daan na ginawa nila para sa akin. Daan na ni minsan ay hindi ko hiniling sa kanila. Daan na kahit kailan ay wala na akong kawala.
I can’t breathe. It’s suffocating that for once; I wanted to escape to live properly. My life has always been controlled. I am in a dark cave, caged by darkness, letting it run to my entire system, making me tired of running for life.
It felt so heavy thinking that I am not in control of my life. That I live not for myself but the people around me.
For some, they might think that I am the luckiest person alive because of the extravagant life I have that lured them into thinking that I should be grateful for what I have now. They believe that I am living my life in heaven because of my status.
Little did they know I was suffering. Alone in that dark cave caged by darkness, making me lose hope of seeing the light that could save me from drowning.
Being born rich, heiress, and the princess of the Costas Family has never been my dream. It was never my dream. I never dreamt of being born having all the access is this is the price I will pay. I never wanted to be taken being the princess of Costas if I am going to face this.
I see life as dark and cruel. That no matter how I am going to find the light, darkness will always consume me. That I am made to be inside the prisoned they built around me.
Pero lahat ng iyan nagbago simula nang makilala ko siya. Nang bigla siyang pumasok sa buhay ko. Lahat ng kadiliman na naghari sa aking isipan ay unti-unting kong nakikitaan ang liwanag dahil sa kaniya.
For once, my life wasn’t that dark. He made me realized that I could be the ruler of my own life if I have the courage to fight for what I really wanted. He was the reason why I am finding hope in life. That life isn’t really dark if we choose to see the beauty inside of it.
Hinding-hindi ko maipagkakait na naging masaya ako sa piling niya. Na kahit sa isang pagkakataon ay naranasan ko ang maging masaya ng walang pinoproblema. Na wala akong malaking responsibilidad na kinakaharap.
But of course, if you live your life with too much happiness, there are always consequences.
Being happy wasn’t in the vocabulary of my life, and it will never be.
Lahat ng mga ginagawa ko dito sa mundo ay may kaakibat na kapalit. Na kahit anong gawin kong paghahanap ng liwanag ay babalik at babalik ako sa madlilm kong mundo.
I should have accepted that in the first place that my life has always been doomed.
Coming from downstairs, the voice of my mom echoed in my entire room.
“Aren’t you done there?! I told you to get a makeup artist so that we could finish early! It’s a shame to the Flores family if we’re late!”
Napapikit ako ng sumigaw ulit siya mula sa ibaba.
For the last time, I checked myself in the mirror to see if this is already perfect in the eyes of my mother. In my life, mistakes aren’t allowed.
Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko sa huling pagkakataon bago ko pinasadahan ng buo ang aking mukha. A blonde hair curled stylishly—a perfectly shaped eyebrow that defines the feature of my cat eyes. A chestnut eye color and perfectly pointed nose are all I can see in the mirror.
With my accessories surrounded in my body screams elegance. And the black sequins strapless high slit gown that glitters below screech sophistication.
I heaved a deep sigh as if all those frustrations I have been keeping to myself can be easily swept away. Walang gana akong tumayo para umalis na ng napadako ako sa huling pagkakataon sa salamin.
For once, I looked at my eyes, and memory suddenly flashed on my mind. I hate how my eyes scream vivid, and people can easily search through my soul no matter how I tried to hide it deep inside. My eyes are the only thing I hate the most on my face. I hate how people can easily read it.
My eyes can easily perceive things, and I hate that people can easily see through them. They see it as my greatest asset, but I see it as the worst. My eyes always scream loneliness and longing. It never showed emotions at all.
It’s weird to tell, but I don’t appreciate my eyes. However, he does. My eyes have always been his favorite. My eyes have always been an asset for him. He would always look at me in the eyes because he said looking at my eyes is his favorite part to do.
Lahat ng mga bagay na hindi ko tanggap sa buhay ay tanggap niya. He loved all of my imperfections, accepting all of my wrong decisions, making me feel that I am not alone in life.
He’s the only person who didn’t see me as superior. He treated me with equality just like he treated everyone. In his eyes, I am not elite. In his eyes, I am not the princess of Costas family.
In his eyes, I am a normal girl living with a normal wife.
Pero lahat ng iyon ay nakaraan na. A memoir of the past that can never be forgotten. A past that will forever be treasured. A past that I know won’t happen anymore in the future.
The moment he crashed into my life is the moment I almost destroyed him.
Sinasampal na mismo kami ng katotohanan na hindi kami para sa isa’t isa. We are meant to meet, but not to stay.
And for once, memories with him will remind that even if it’s not long. I get to see the life I was longed for.
“You know the rule, Mavi. Mistakes aren’t allowed. Don’t you dare embarrass our family name again. I warned you,” her stern voice lingered in my ears when the car stopped in front of the grand gate.
Huminga muna siya ng malalim bago lumabas sa sasakyan bago ako sumunod. Nang lumabas na ako ay sunod sunod na flash ng camera ang bumungad sa akin at mas lalo pa nila akong nilapitan para makukuha ng perpektong angulo.
I looked at my mother, who maintains a serious face despite the sickening flash of the camera that welcomed us. Kahit na masyado na akong nasisilawan sa mga flash nila ay pinilit ko pa ring ipanatili ang seryoso kong mukha at sumabay sa paglalakad kasama ang aking ina.
At habang papalapit na kami sa loob ng engrandeng function hall ay mahina niya akong binulungan pinapaalala sa akin kung ano ang dapat kong gawin.
“You’re the princess of Costas family. The highest among the elite members. I already cleared your name to the scandal you did years ago. So make sure to do it right this time! Don’t you let ruined our family name again Mavi. Not. Again,” may diin sa bawat salita kahit halos bulong lamang iyon.
Iilan lamang ‘yan sa mga bilin sa akin bago kami tuluyang nakapasok sa loob ng engrending function hall kung saan palaging ginaganap ang mga engrandeng pangyayari sa buhay ng mga mamayaman.
It’s just a birthday party, but throwing a grand and big party is essential if you’re from an elite family. My mother won’t miss this chance to join this grand party now that I know what she’s planning.
Hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko ang gusto niyang mangyari pagkatapos ng party na ito. Flores Clan has always been on the second after our name. Isa rin sila sa mga matutunog at matatanyag pagdating sa mga negosyo.
And I know what’s my mom has been planning after this. After the great loss we encounter because of that scandal, we still remained on the top. My mother still manages to ace it, but I know better. For her to maintain the name and power, she holds she needs to associate with others.
Business is business.
And I am the price for that.
All my life, I was told to act perfectly. Making mistakes isn’t acceptable in the elite family. There’s no room for that.
Everything should be done perfectly. Every move I make should be perfect. Because living in this kind of world, there’s no room for mistakes.
Living in this kind of world suffocates me. It’s hard to breathe. That’s why I ought to break the rules before. I break the rules where they established that an elite family is for an elite family.
I break that rule because of him. Because at that moment, I found the life I deserve, but of course, fate has never been good on my side. When they knew it, they labeled it as a big scandal to our family.
That struck me the most. That no matter how hard I tried to escape into darkness, it will always find its way of embracing me. It is telling me that darkness is my life. That I am no longer have the chance to witness the light again.
The light that once saves me now turned into a ray of beautiful sunshine—a ray of sunshine that made to shine for others and not for me.
Those eyes that once sparked for me now spark for others. Those eyes that made me found peace and comfort were now the peace and comfort of others.
Before my mother could socialize with others, she said a statement that made my hands tremble and cause the rapid beating of my heart. A piece of news that could shatter my heart into pieces.
“It’s a good thing that man has found someone that could fit for his life. Someone that doesn’t belong in the elite family. Because if it were you, it would be a big controversy again.”
“And I will die early trying to tame down that scandal!”
But that man is my light, that once shines for me.
Fate has been cruel for me. For the past seventeen years of living my life, I am still not yet at the end of the maze they build for me. I am in the middle of getting lost and don’t know what to do. If I should continue to move forward to find the end, or should I just stay where I am until someone finds me. “Madame, It’s your break already. We can go back after one hour,” the instructor told me. “Ok. Thanks,” I simply stated and turned my back at her and went out. I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. This is so tiring. After so many years of practicing these basic rules, here I am today, facing another stormin my life. Sauladong-saulado ko na lahat ng basic rules na dapat gawin ng is
Kailan pa nagkaroon ng bagong hardinero si Mommy? Nagpalit ba siya ng bago o sinisante niya ang dating nagtatrabaho na si Mang Thomas? Ang hardinero namin dito ang isa sa mga pinakamatagal na tauhan ni Mommy. Bata pa lang daw siya ay dito na iyon nag tatrabaho kaya palaisipan kung sisinetahin niya lang ito ng ganoon na lang. “How long have you been working here?” I asked, trying to maintain a straight face avoiding his eyes. “Dalawang linggo bago umalis ang dati niyong hadinero,” simpleng sagot niya sa akin. So Mang Thomas isn’t working here anymore? Sa lahat ng mga nag ta-trabaho sa mansion na ito ay kay Mang Thomas ako mas pinakamalapit dahil sa angking bait na binibigay niya sa akin. Palagi akong pumunto dito sa garden noon at sa tuwing naabutan ko
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