Will

Can boys cry?

When I finally heard, "You were our chosen to play Thirasak!" tears streamed down my face. It was the first time I cried in years, and I think boys can cry, and express their feelings.

It was the first meeting with the director, production and cast after it was established that my character would not be Thirasak, but Wanchai, I didn't quite understand the reason for the change, although P' Tan, the director, explained to me that when seeing the audition footage, he thought I would look better as Wanchai, and the other actor as Thirasak. I didn't like it very much at first, but I really wanted to work, and for that I still had to lose a lot of weight, because the character had a fragile and delicate appearance, in relation to his romantic partner. Nervousness takes over me, I'm so stunned in the reception hall that my staff, P'Mes, realizing the situation, leads me to the big elevator, looks at me and talks.

— You don't seem to be here. Keep calm, everything will be fine! — as I listen, I shake my head and take a deep breath.

We walked down a long hallway until we reached the door. Upon entering, I noticed that the room was full of people. I look around and recognize some faces on the TV, and my nervousness increases when one of the producers says something.

— We were waiting for you! — What shame, being late to the first meeting with the entire cast!

I smile shyly.

— Sorry I'm late! Good morning everyone...

P'Tan began talking about what he expected from the project. As he speaks, I look around the room, taking in each person at the table, until my gaze falls on my co-star, P'Nate. His gaze is intimidating, he stares at me like he's reprimanding me for something. They sent me the text of the first three episodes. I know I have a lot of scenes with him, and I also know that we will have romantic scenes, but I don't want to think about that right now, and facing him makes me a little insecure.

[...]

After meeting with the P'Tan cast and producers, they asked to speak with me and Mr. “Intimidating Look”. He spent the entire meeting staring at me, I was wondering, was he playing the character? Well, I heard he's a promising young actor, very competent, and maybe in front of me was Thirasak. P'Tan looks at them both, and says:

— You know that we will start the workshops, and you are probably already studying the text that was sent. There is a very important point before everything starts, you don't know each other, and you will live two characters that throughout the story will fall in love. We will have many scenes of complicity and romanticism between the couple. So, there needs to be a complicity between you, something you don't have yet.

The gentleman with an “intimidating look” decides to ask.

— And what do you suggest, P'Tan?

— I suggest that you spend as much time together as possible before and during the workshops. Build a friendship. Go out to different places, talk every day in person, or on the phone. Anyway, acquiring intimacy is essential, because the other actors already know each other, worked on several projects, and some even made romantic pairs. But you are the protagonists, and you are getting to know each other now, and you need to acquire a very good degree of intimacy to bring Wanchai and Thirasak to life!

As soon as we left the room, P'Nate looked at me, and said.

— I need your number! — his gaze is intense, hypnotic. I can't stop looking at him, it's weird. — Did you hear what I said?

I hand my phone over to him to dial his number.

— Oh! Yes, I'm sorry!

As soon as he did, he called the number he had entered.

— It's done! What is the next step? —

— We need to spend a lot of time together. — I answer, his looks are indifferent when answering me.

— Let's schedule something for tomorrow, I'll call you! Now, I need to go... See you later!

I watched him walk away, and in my mind comes the question: will this work?

[...]

He actually called me the next day, and we went to a restaurant of his choice. Since that day, everything is the same. P”Nate acts like a door, sometimes I think I'm talking to myself, we always do the same programs, and the atmosphere of intimacy between us doesn't exist, I feel even more intimidated by him. The way he looks at me has me very intrigued, I don't know if he's mad at me or he's mad at the world. It's confuse.

Lying on my bed, I pick up my cell phone. I think about texting him, but I don't know if I should, it's discouraging, he barely responds. As I think, someone knocks on the bedroom door.

— You may come in. — The door opens, and a beautiful smiling girl walks in, sits on the edge of my bed. — What are you doing awake at this hour?

— I wanted to see if my little brother was okay. After all, I haven't seen you these days...

— I'm fine, just a little tired.

She looks at me with a serious, intriguing look, but it doesn't take long for that to change, and a mischievous smile forms at the corner of her mouth.

— And how's your relationship going?

— Dating? I'm not dating, you crazy!

— Our! I swore you and Nate were dating... — responds, and I hit a pillow in her face, while I hear her laugh.

— You clown! That's not funny…

— Calm down, little brother! You seem pretty shaken by what I said, what happened? I know, there's an atmosphere going on between you, a sexual tension. AND...

— Can you shut up, and stop all this bullshit?

She is not satisfied with the answer.

— AND?

— AND? We are men!

— AND?

— Which is? She's crazy, creating fanfic...

She is never content, and her tongue is always very sharp.

— I think the most appropriate term for your speech would be we are straight, or rather, you are straight. After all, you don't know how his sexuality is defined, do you?

— Lyn, stop it! It's enough that P'Nate treats me like I'm crazy!

— As well?

— We have to be together to acquire more intimacy, and he just doesn't make the effort. I feel like I'm talking to myself, he stares at me with his everyday intimidating gaze. I just don't know what to do!

— Is he that difficult? — he asks, and I shake my head. — I think you should be honest, and tell him that this is bothering you, and he needs to interact, after all there's a contract at stake... And the series needs to happen!

— I don't know, I'm getting tired.

— Aren't you going to give up on your dream, because the mini Christian Gray is bullying you, and he seems to want to fuck it up? You're not crazy, are you?