Emotion(less)

Before he could open the door, I was twisting the knob.

His eyes roamed over my nude form before a smirk crossed his face, “Princess, the Queen requests you be on the balcony in thirty minutes.”

“Good thing we only need twenty.”

I grabbed my father’s Beta, pulling him into my room, and kicking the door shut.

Our lips smashed together, and he pulled me flush into his body. One of his hands held my back as his other laced beneath the tight weaves of my braids. After a moment, he lifted me up, and I wrapped my legs around his torso.

My tongue slid along the seam of his lips, begging for entrance, to which he obliged, allowing me to explore the depths of his mouth. He tasted like a forbidden fruit, and I couldn’t get enough.

I kissed down the length of his neck slowly, taking my time as he held my body to him. The way his body reacted to mine had me smiling against his skin. I needed the kind of release only he could provide me with.

“Lilliana,” he moaned, tightening his grip in my hair. I could feel how badly he wanted me through the fabric of his jeans.

I pulled away, smiling lazily at him, “Sebastian.”

“You are trouble, princess,” he leaned in, brushing his lips against mine. He led us to the bed, laying me back and admiring my body. He crawled up, hovering over me with lust-filled eyes.

We’ve been doing whatever this is that we’re doing, for the past year. At first, our time together was innocent. Maybe for him. I’ve been lusting over him since I was sixteen and he was twenty-nine. My father hand picked him to become his Beta three years after his best friend and previous Beta, Johnston, died in a rogue attack.

Sebastian was Johnston’s cousin, and my father found it fitting that he was willing to step in after Johnston’s death.

My father began my training when I turned eighteen. He wanted me to not only be skilled in fighting, but also in archery. It was his specialty and since Dallas was gone, he’d passed on the torch to me. He taught me everything there was to know about archery, while allowing Sebastion to teach me fighting. My father claimed that he couldn’t stand beating up his own daughter, so Seb stepped in.

We spent a lot of time together learning to fight, behind my mother's back of course. A woman wasn’t meant to get dirty. I didn’t need to learn to fight because my mate was supposed to defend me.

What a joke that is..... The first time she’d caught us sparring, she dragged me back into my room muttering under her breath nonsense about how women are meant to look beautiful. They are meant to appear weak to appease a man. Men don’t want an equal, she’d said, they want a pretty face.

Sebastian was the perfect teacher. He didn’t go easy on me, making sure that I got real experience. We ended up spending a lot of time together and forming a bond. A friendship at first before we gave into the lust. I wouldn’t call it love. We both knew that we had mates out there. There was no point in falling in love. We just shared.....a particular liking for each other’s company...and bodies.

We’d made an agreement the day we’d crossed that line. There would be no feelings. We were friends, enjoying the simple pleasures of life, and nothing more.

“How are you doing?” Sebastian questioned, his eyes trying to read my expression.

“I’m devastated, but the robot seems to think I shouldn’t be.”

His chest vibrated against my body as he chuckled sadly, “I don’t know how your father put up with her cold attitude for so long. You can break for me, Lilly.”

“I miss him, Seb. I don’t understand how it’s possible that he’s gone. He left for a simple patrol. There is no way someone overtook him without him putting up a fight. It doesn’t make sense.”

And it didn’t. My father would not have gone down without a fight, and even if someone was stronger than him, they were surely injured in the battle. But from the warrior's report, it was like the attacker vanished into thin air, leaving no trace. No unusual scents. No blood. No tracks.

Sebastian wrapped his arms tightly around my body, “I’m so sorry, Lilliana. I promise you that we will not stop until we have all of the answers,” he whispered into the crook of my neck before pressing a kiss against my pulse.

I sighed, realizing the mood was long gone, “We have wasted our twenty minutes blubbering. I better get dressed and make up this bullshit speech. Can you believe she asked me to save face?”

He pulled away frowning, “Just do as she says. I will make sure to sneak back here later. We can do whatever you please. I can make you forget about everything, even if it’s only for a moment.”

I grabbed his face, pulling him towards me a planting a chaste kiss on his lips, “Go, before you find yourself in trouble.”

“Baby, you and I can be in trouble together,” he peppered my face with kisses before disappearing into the hallway.

When I become queen, I plan to ask him to become my Beta as well. Part of me wonders if that will be difficult for him. We agreed to no strings, but I can imagine no matter what, it being difficult. I know I will feel a pang of loneliness if he finds his mate before I do. He’s filled a void for me for so long. Giving in to our temptation was dangerous, but we agreed no falling. Our hearts remained under lock and key.

Walking over to the closet, I sighed once more, rummaging through the section of dresses that my mother chooses for me. They are all.....not me. Each one has a lace up corset, which would be beautiful, if she didn’t expect me to suck it in, and break a rib or two trying to look thinner than I am. I was always required to wear a push up bra, which was over the top considering I already had large breasts.

My body was curvy, holding a little extra weight in my hips, ass, and thighs. Mother despised that I couldn’t be a stick figure, hence the ridiculously tight corsets. She’d picked colors and shapes that hid my body beneath them, hoping that if the poor soul who ended up stuck as my mate met me in the dress, he’d not know what was beneath it.

She really knows how to boost a girl's confidence.

I grabbed the black one, which was the closest to my style I could get. Black was my favorite color when it came to clothing. I wasn’t allowed to wear this on many occasions, but surely mother could make an exception today. Black just so happens to be the color of death, so it is fitting.

Sliding into the dress, I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and allowing my magic to tighten the dress until I could no longer properly breathe. Then I pulled my breasts up, putting the sticky bra on and tightening the mini corset attached to it.

Glancing in the mirror, I looked more like I belonged in a gothic brothel than announcing my father’s death.

I silently wondered what my people thought of me. They probably assumed I was a mindless bimbo, given this ridiculous wardrobe and robotic presence when making speeches.

Life for me has been nothing short of chaotic for so many years, I’m unsure if I ever knew what peace was in the first place.

Glancing at the clock. I’ve got approximately seven minutes until I make the official announcement that my father, the Great King Hugo Pershing, was dead.

Moving slowly through the hallway, I take extra time to look at all of the décor and photos. I knew I was going to disappoint my mother anyways, may as well not be early.

This castle is like my prison. I’ve been forced to live two lives, but neither are mine. Neither feel like the true Lilliana. I have this fire in my soul that is dying to be set free. Desperate for oxygen to fuel its flames. I am far from prim and proper. I crave so much more than what I’ve experienced, but I’ve been suppressed. Forced into the life that I live, only allowing tiny pieces of the real me to show, but only when I’m alone.

No one can see the real Lilliana.

The photos on the walls of my ancestors glaring at me with disappointment in their eyes as I head to the balcony. It’s dark and dreary, with deep shades of black, crimson, and gold. This place reminded me of somewhere that a demon would enjoy in hell.

The walls in this place know many secrets, and boy if they could talk, Nymeria would be in more trouble than it is without their King.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I uttered into the silence, directed at the expressionless faces of the past.

I walked out on the balcony just as the bell declared that it was twelve in the afternoon. My mother’s jaw was clenched tight as I walked past, standing in the center of the balcony. Sebastion stood to my right, my mother to my left, and a set of warriors posted on both ends of the balcony.

“Welcome, people of Nymeria. I, Princess Lilliana, stand before you to announce tragic news. My father, the great King Hugo, has fallen,” I started, taking a deep breath, and closing my eyes briefly to fight the onset of tears, “His life was taken from us far too early, and our kingdom will mourn the loss of such a great man for many generations to come.”

My voice was starting to shake. I wanted to turn my head to the left and scream that I fucking hated her. That she’s been the most pathetic excuse for a mother any child could ask for. But instead, I stay silent, focusing on my anger over the pain, because that is going to be what gets me through this speech.

“As your future queen, I can assure you that the kingdom of Nymeria will remain strong throughout our time of grieving. The official burial of King Hugo will take place in the royal burial grounds one week from today. I will be praying to Selene for support and healing in our kingdom during these dark times. Thank you for gathering in the courtyard for this announcement. You all are dismissed.”

Short and to the point. No tears, almost no emotion, just another string of words to slip from my tongue.

Soft sobs broke out throughout the crowd as families held each other after hearing about the passing of their king. It was equally amazing and painful to see how many truly loved my father. He was a great leader, and I don’t think that I will ever be able to fill his shoes.

The warriors left first, followed by myself, Seb, and my mother last.

As soon as we were out of ear shot from the balcony, my mother started in on me, “Lilliana, you couldn’t fake happiness for five minutes while addressing your kingdom. You’re pathetic,” she spat. Her breathing was ragged, filling the intense silence that filled the hallway. Even the Botox couldn't keep her face from morphing angerly.

Anger coursed through me at her words. The only one pathetic here was her, “Why would I pretend to be happy mother? Don’t you think that would make me look insane? Do you want the kingdom to think that their future Queen belongs locked away instead of leading them? I saved face just as you asked, despite the fact that it made my stomach roll.”

My voice grew louder with every word, and I felt the magic seeping from my pores.

She reared her arm back, slapping me hard across the face.

My mother was rarely physical, but right now, I’m standing here purely in shock.

The sting lingered on my cheek and my face grew flushed between the smack and the anger. Heat spread from the slap up to the tips of my ears.

“You hit me.”

“I regret ever giving birth to you, Lilliana. You will never make for a strong Queen,” she sneered, her chest heaving.

Sebastian looked conflicted. He was forced to make a choice to protect his current Queen, or his future Queen and lover.

“Coralynn, give Lily a break. She is grieving. Her experience being Queen is not as deep as yours, but as a child, she is unable to control her emotions,” he spoke softly, but his words angered me further.

“She is no longer a child. Using that as an excuse is unacceptable,” she hissed, glaring her angry blue eyes at him.

“You know what I mean. She just needs time,” he whispered.

My mother sighed, but I could still feel her anger, “I regret smacking you. I am aware that this time may be difficult for you. Come to your father’s office tomorrow morning. I’ve thought up a plan to ensure your future.”

I wasted no time rushing back to my room and slamming the door behind me. I would have rather Sebastian remained silent than try to appease my mother. He knows how I feel about her, yet he takes her side every time. His loyalty was to my father, but they were a packaged deal.

I’m no stranger to feeling alone, but this, this feels like the purest form of betrayal.

And now my mother has a plan? She says that it will ensure my future, but I sense nothing good from this. In fact, it smells rotten, and I don’t like it.