Chapter 17 Denial

As I watched him drive away, my heart felt like it was tearing apart piece by piece. The pain was so sharp I could barely breathe.

 I tried to swallow it, tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, but I couldn’t anymore. I can’t deny it. I truly love him. I want to be with him. And that is exactly why it hurts.

“Why? why..” I whispered to myself as tears burned my eyes. I had promised myself, sworn to myself, that I would never fall in love. That I would stay single forever. That love was a battlefield I refused to step onto.

But here I was breaking my own promise. Today alone, I watched my mother cry again. The woman who loved with her whole heart, and always acted strong. The woman who gave everything. And my father, her husband for years broke her heart again by asking for a divorce like their life together meant nothing.

Love destroyed her.

Love changed her.

Love ruined her.

I can’t be like her. I won’t. I can’t be with Marcus, no matter how much I feel for him.

No matter how safe I felt in his arms.

No matter how much my heart pulls toward him every time he looks at me.

“You can’t, Selene,” I whispered quietly to myself, wiping my cheeks. “You can only watch him from far away. You must stay single.” I said it out loud like I was trying to force myself to believe it.

I walked inside slowly, my legs weak, my chest tight, and went straight to my room. The moment I closed the door, the silence felt heavy, crushing. I sat on my bed and held myself tightly, as if hugging my own shaking heart.

I can’t trust any man. I must not. If I don’t want to suffer for the rest of my life. Every relationship starts with love. With attraction. With butterflies and soft smiles and promises. 

But they always end the same. 

With heartbreak. 

With betrayal. 

With trauma so deep you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.

I don’t want that fate.

I won’t let it happen.

I lay down slowly, but my mind wouldn’t stop spinning. I kept remembering the way Marcus looked at me. The way Rylan spoke to me. That pull I feel toward both of them, toward him.

Why does fate want to play with me like this?

Why give me someone who makes me feel safe, protected, wanted only to remind me that love is dangerous?

“Stay away, Selena,” I whispered to myself again. My voice shook. “Stay away from him before it’s too late.”

My eyes grew heavy, my chest still aching, and as the emotional exhaustion dragged me down, I finally fell asleep, heartbroken, confused, and terrified of the feelings I could no longer deny.

The sunlight reflected on my face, and I squinted my eyes open. The moment I tried to sit up, a sharp ache shot through my entire body. Every muscle felt heavy and tired.

Did I do something so intense yesterday? Why did I feel like I’d been hit by a truck? Then it all crashed back into me. Marcus. Rylan. And the rogue.

A cold shiver ran down my spine. The memory of the attack squeezed my chest tight. I had pushed it aside last night after Marcus left too distracted by my feelings for him. But now, in the bright quiet of morning, the fear hit me harder. The rogue had almost killed me. That wasn’t some simple scuffle, it was dangerous. Really dangerous.

If Marcus hadn’t been there, I might be dead. The thought made my stomach twist. I was truly grateful he saved me. Maybe that was why I forgave him so easily last night. Or maybe I never really stopped wanting to forgive him in the first place.

But something still bothered me. Why did the rogue attack me? Was it really just my scent like Marcus said? Or was there something else behind it, something he didn’t tell me or something even he didn’t know? And about this scent, what am I supposed to do about it?

Why does my body have something so strange and dangerous? Is it tied to whoever my biological parents were, their supernatural race, their abilities? I know nothing about them, but every day it feels like pieces of them are showing up inside me, whether I’m ready or not.

I pressed a hand to my chest, trying to steady my breathing as I remembered the rogue’s eyes, wild, hungry, like I was prey. My heart fluttered uncomfortably. The fear lingered in my bones.

I have to be careful from now on.

If my scent truly attracts shifters as Marcus said, then I’m not safe. Any one of them could come for me at any time. And that thought alone made my skin prickle.

I stood up with a small grunt, my whole body feeling heavy and drained. I was really tired. If not for the fact that I already took leave yesterday, I would have begged for another one today. But I just started this job four days ago, I can’t start taking too many days off. That alone would make people start talking again, and even solidified the rumor that am sleeping with Marcus. I don’t want unnecessary attention.

I dragged myself to the bathroom and stepped under the shower. The warm water relaxed me a little, and then, just like that my mind wandered to Rylan. I don’t know why, but I truly like him. He’s so cute, and I loved the way my hand brushed against his smooth fur. I really, really like him. I giggled without meaning to, and my cheeks warmed immediately.

But then another thought hit me like a slap. Did Marcus feel everything I was doing to Rylan? Did he feel every stroke, every touch, every moment? My face burned even more.

I shook the thought away quickly before I embarrassed myself inside the bathroom. I was already running late, so I finished my shower fast and got dressed.

When I went downstairs, my mother was already back on her feet, pretending like nothing happened yesterday. As usual. And like always, I also pretended everything was fine. We both acted like two people carrying invisible wounds.

She had cooked breakfast. We sat and ate together without talking about anything deep, just small words, small smiles, pretending life was normal.

“Mom, I’m leaving. My cab man is here. I’ll be staying here till next weekend,” I said, standing up. “Alright, love. Bye. Take care of yourself at work,” she replied with her usual gentle smile.

“I will, bye,” I said and rushed outside to the waiting cab. I slid into the back seat and leaned against the window as the car started moving.

But no matter how much I tried to distract myself, my mind betrayed me.

I kept thinking about Marcus.

Was he honest when he apologized?

Did he truly mean everything he said last night? Was it genuine and not because Rylan told him to?

And why, why did his apology affect me so much? I clenched my fists gently.

I hate that he affects me. I hate that he gets into my head the way he does. I hate that I love him. I would have preferred if only Rylan had that effect on me. Rylan is cute. Rylan is good. Rylan doesn’t confuse me or will hurt me.

But Marcus, He pulls me close and pushes me away at the same time, though he apologizes. He makes my heart feel things I promised myself I would never feel again.

And that alone scared me more than the rogue attack.

Soon the cab arrived at the entrance of the building. I walked out and headed in. I greeted Lyla, the downstairs receptionist, and made my way toward the elevator.

As I got closer, my stomach suddenly tightened. I didn’t know why, but I felt nervous. What if I saw Marcus the moment the elevator doors opened? What if he looked at me the way he did last night? What if I couldn’t pretend to be normal around him? My heart wouldn’t stop beating fast.

I let out a slow breath and stepped forward, trying to focus. I was just about to enter the elevator when I heard my name being called sharply.

“Selena, wait.” I turned around and saw Lyra coming toward me, her heels clicking hard against the floor, fury written all over her face. 

What does she want now?