Chapter 6 - Dad

Zelena.

“Whoa, Zee, are you okay?” Gunner had knelt down in front of me, his hands were on my shoulders. Did he call me Zee? Did he just give me a nickname? Holy shit the pain!

“Zelena, what’s wrong?” he asked again, his voice was shaking, like he was scared or something. He couldn’t possibly be worried about me, he doesn’t even know me.

“What’s going on” I heard Cole next to me, I felt his hands grab around my waist and I winced from the contact. Gunner lifted his head and growled at him, what’s with this guy and growling? It worked though, because Cole let me go.

“Is she alright?” he asked Gunner,

“I don’t know, she just kind of stopped” Gunner responded,

“What do you mean she just stopped?” demanded Smith,

“I don’t know” growled Gunner,

“I felt her pain and then she shuddered and just stopped”.

Did Gunner just say that he felt my pain? How could he feel my pain, what does that even mean? He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head to look at him. With his other hand, he gently pulled the hood off my head. I opened my eyes, and his face was right there in front of me. I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks. His hand on my chin was sending electric sparks down my neck. His eyes stared into my soul. He placed his other hand on my cheek and took a deep breath. Oh God, what was he going to do? Was he trying to kiss me? Of course he wasn’t going to kiss me, don’t be ridiculous. I was scared, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I closed my eyes tightly and listened to my body. The lashes on my back were still stinging but it was my bones that were aching. My ribs felt like they were being pulled and pushed every which way. My spine felt like it was twisting and turning.

“Zelena, open your eyes” Gunner’s voice was soft and calming.

“Zelena, I want you to open your eyes and look at me”.

I obeyed, I opened my eyes and looked at him. His face still directly in front of mine. I could feel his breath on my face, I could smell his skin. His hand on my cheek felt warm and safe. I looked deep into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. But that wasn’t all I could see. There was something else in his eyes, it was like a feeling, like a wave of calm washing over me.

“Take a breath Zee. Take a long breath and try to relax” he whispered calmly, so I did. Keeping my eyes on his, I breathed in deep and very slowly breathed out. As I released the air from my lungs, with it went the aching in my arms and legs, the twisting pain in my back and chest. The heat I could feel running through my body, all of it went out of me with that one deep breath.

“Duuuude” Smith exclaimed. I heard Cole smack him over the head again.

“That’s better” Gunner sighed.

I slowly stood up straight as Gunner got up from the dirt. His hand was still firmly placed on my left cheek, his gaze still locked with mine.

“I’m s-sorry” I mumbled,

“I don’t know what just happened”. I lowered my head and pulled away from his hand.

“It’s all good Zee, but we gotta go” he said, stepping back from me and standing in line with Cole and Smith. I’ve ruined everything now, they think I’m an absolute nutcase. My stupid little freakout moment has them running for the hills.

“Will you be okay to get home from here?” Gunner asked with a tilt of his head. I pulled my hood back over my head and nodded. He grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze.

“See you tomorrow” he sang. And with that, they were gone.

What did I just do, what was that back there? I was hating myself the rest of the walk home. I'm such a freak. What kind of eighteen-year-old has a semi heart attack in the middle of a forest.

I got to my front door and paused, I just needed one more minute before I went inside. I know that I’m late and he isn’t going to be happy. I just hope that he hasn’t had too much to drink already. I opened the door and walked through. Straight away a bottle came flying at my head. I fell to the ground to avoid it, slamming the door closed as I fell. The bottle smashed on the door frame and I was showered in glass. A shard cut my cheek and a bit of blood trickled down my face.

“Where the fuck have you been, you worthless cunt?” he screamed as he stomped over to me. I curled myself up against the closed door.

“I’M SORRY” I shouted.

“Don’t you fucking shout at me you gutter slut” he yelled as he grabbed hold of my hair, pulling me to my feet. He was drunk, I could smell it on him. He was sweaty and dirty, the stench of him made me feel nauseous.

“You were supposed to be here half an hour ago to cook dinner and clean the fucking kitchen” he screamed in my face, his saliva spitting on my cheeks as he screamed. I had my eyes closed tight but there were still tears running down my face.

“I know, I’m sorry” I sobbed as I held onto the base of my hair. The pain coursing through my head was profound. He threw me against the wall, my back slamming into the plaster. I felt some of my half-healed wounds open up again and start to bleed. I fell to the floor on my hands and knees with my head down. I wanted to get up and run, I wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t. I was frozen in fear. I am always frozen in fear in the face of this man.

“Go and fucking cook something before I lose my temper” he spat. I hurried up off the floor and half ran, half stumbled, into the kitchen. Once away from the stench of my father, I grabbed a tea towel and wiped at the blood dripping down my cheek. I can feel the blood pooling under my shirt on my back. I reached behind me and very gently ran my fingers over my ripped skin. As I lifted my hand to my face, I could see the fresh blood covering my fingertips. There’s not much I can do about that right now. It will have to wait until later. The kitchen is a mess, he’s been in here again today, pulling everything out of the cupboards in his terrible attempt to feed himself. I tossed the tea towel on the bench and stood in front of the fridge. I rested my forehead against the fridge door and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall.

Why? Why is this my life?