Chapter Thirty-Three – The Decision

I stood there in the darkness long after he left.

The door swung shut behind him, the chains rattling, the echo bouncing off the stone walls. Then silence. Just the wind through the broken windows and the beating of my own heart.

He was gone.

Again.

Just like he'd always been.

I sank onto the nearest pew, my legs suddenly unable to hold me. The wood creaked beneath my weight, dust rising in small clouds around me. I stared at the door, at the place where he'd disappeared, at the space where my father had stood and told me nothing.

I already lost Alice. I'm not going to lose you too.

Those were the only words that mattered. The only ones that felt true.

Everything else,the warnings, the mask, the running,was just noise, because I knew I was never going to stop seeking revenge, fear dressed up as action. Guilt dressed up as protection.

He hadn't killed Alice. I believed that. Whatever else he'd done, whatever accidents he'd caused, he hadn't held his own daughter underwater and watched her drown.

But he knew who did.

And he wasn't telling me.

---

I don't know how long I sat there.

Minutes. Hours. The moon shifted across the sky, its light sliding through the broken windows, painting patterns on the dusty floor. The candles I'd brought had burned down to nothing, leaving only small puddles of wax and the smell of smoke.

My phone buzzed. It was our little group chat Ashley had made and named MAAM.

Myles: Where are you?

I didn't answer.

Another buzz.

Ashley: Alexa, seriously. We're worried.

Another.

Madden: I swear to God, if you're doing something stupid alone...

I typed back: I'm fine. At the chapel. Heading back soon.

Then I turned off my phone and sat in the dark a little longer.

---

The campus was asleep, the buildings dark, the paths empty. A single streetlamp flickered near the library, casting weak orange light on the wet pavement. The wind had died down, leaving everything still and heavy.

I felt hollow. Empty. Like someone had reached inside me and scooped out everything that mattered.

My father was alive.

He was here.

I should have felt something. Relief, maybe. Or anger. Or even hope.

But all I felt was exhaustion.

---

Myles was waiting on the steps of my dorm.

He stood up when he saw me, his hands in his pockets, his face unreadable. The porch light caught the shadows under his eyes, the worry etched into his features.

"You didn't answer my texts," he said.

"My phone died."

"No it wasn’t, I called and it rang…multiple times."

I stopped in front of him. "I needed to be alone."

"You promised you'd stop doing that."

"I know. But right now I need to rest, I’m tired.” I walked past heading to my room.

"Why?" His voice cracked. "Why do you keep pushing me away?" His words stopped me and made me to turn around.

"Because I'm trying to protect you."

"From what?"

"From me." I looked at him. "Everyone I get close to ends up hurt. My mom. Alice. Earl. Caleb. Even my father..he's been running from me my whole life."

"You think I don’t know how it feels." His voice became louder. “I have lost people, after my dad died, my mum couldn’t bear it and killed herself by overdosing, then Alice came around and I felt my life changed, she made me happy and just when everything was going well, guess what happened.” He let out a psychotic laugh. “I was close to them too and they all left, I’m trying my best not to lose you.”

"Why? Why do you give a fuck? Huh?”

“Because I…” He stopped midway.

“Because what?”

“You know what, forget it, you can do whatever you want.” And with that he turned and stormed off before I could respond.

I stood there on the steps, watching him disappear into the darkness, my chest aching with something I couldn't name.

---

I didn't go after him.

I couldn't.

What would I even say? I'm sorry your mom died? I'm sorry Alice died? I'm sorry I'm a mess?

None of that would fix anything.

So I went inside. I climbed the stairs. I walked to my room.

Ashley was asleep. Madden was curled up on the floor. The room was dark and quiet and suffocating.

I sat on my bed and stared at the wall.

I thought about the way he looked at me. The way his hand found mine under tables and on walks across campus.

And I was pushing him away.

Because that's what I did. That's what I'd always done.

Push. Run. Hide.

It was easier than staying. Easier than trusting. Easier than letting someone in.

But I was tired of easy.

---

At 2 AM, I finally lay down.

My body was heavy, my mind foggy, my heart sore. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

But every time I closed them, I saw Myles's face. The hurt in his eyes. The way his voice cracked when he talked about his mom.

I tossed and turned. The mattress felt too hard. The room felt too small. The silence felt too loud.

At 3 AM, I gave up.

I sat up and pulled out my phone.

His contact was open. My thumb hovered over the call button.

What would I even say?

I typed a message instead.

I'm sorry. About your mom. About Alice. About pushing you away. I'm not good at this. But I'm trying.

I stared at the screen for a long moment.

Then I deleted it.

Then I typed it again.

Then I deleted it again.

Finally, I just wrote: I'm sorry.

I sent it before I could change my mind.

---

His response came a minute later.

Go to sleep, Alexa.

That was it. No, I'm sorry too. No it's okay. No, I love you.

Just go to sleep.

I stared at the words until they blurred.

Then I turned off my phone and lay back down.

---

Morning came gray and cold.

Ashley was already awake, sitting on her bed, her laptop open on her knees. She looked up when I stirred.

"Care to explain where you were?" she asked.

"I met my dad.” I said plainly, Myles was the only person I had told.

“What??!” She scoffed. “Like your dad that died before you were born?”

“Turns out he wasn’t dead.”

“When? Why? How?”

“I’ll explain everything later, I promise. Have you seen Myles?”

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."

She nodded. She didn't push. That was one of the things I liked about Ashley. She knew when to be quiet.

"Well he texted. Said he needed space."

My stomach dropped. "Space?"

"His words. Not mine." She closed her laptop. "What happened between you two?"

"I don't know. I pushed. He pushed back. And then he walked away."

"He'll come around."

"How do you know?"

She stood up and stretched. "Just give him time."

Time.

I didn't have time.

But I nodded anyway.

---

At 10 AM, I went to find Myles.

His dorm was quiet. Derek answered the door, his eyes bloodshot, his hair a mess.

"He's not here," Derek said.

"Where did he go?"

"He didn't say. Just grabbed his jacket and left. Like an hour ago."

My heart pounded. "Did he seem upset?"

"Upset? He looked like someone died." Derek paused. "Again."

I turned and ran.

---

I checked everywhere.

The library. The dining hall. The coffee shop. The quad. The lake.

No Myles.

I pulled out my phone and called him. It went straight to voicemail.

I called again. Voicemail.

Again. Voicemail.

Where are you?

I was about to call again when my phone buzzed.

A text. From Myles.

I need some air. Don't follow me.

I typed back: Just tell me you're safe.

A pause.

I'm safe.

That was it.

I stood in the middle of the quad, my phone in my hand, the cold wind biting at my cheeks.

He was safe. That was something.

But he wasn't with me.

And that hurt more than I wanted to admit.

---

At noon, I went back to the chapel.

I don't know why. Maybe I hoped my father would be there. Maybe I hoped Myles would be there. Maybe I just needed to be somewhere dark and quiet where no one would ask questions.

The door was still unlocked. The chains were still loose.

I stepped inside.

The nave was empty. The pews were dusty. The altar was crooked. I didn’t know what to do again, a drop of tear ran down my cheeks. I took my phone out of my back pocket and dialed the Detective Cross number.

The number rang and was answered almost immediately.

“Hey Alexa.”

I couldn’t hold it anymore, my voice cracked and sobs escaped my lips.

“Oh my goodness,Alexa are you okay?”

“Can I come see you