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53. BLEEDING HEARTS
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A TWENTY SOMETHING 54. DENIAL
HANA It really feels like a goodbye now. I am in denial. I am still looking towards the airport terminal gate as though he would magically appear from it if I look hard enough and say that this is all a joke. I waited for seven hours here, and when the final announcement for the departure of my flight was given, I knew, it was over. I don't want to believe it. But it's over. I didn't remember how I reached Istanbul or in what state I was. I slept through an entire day. When I woke up, I packed everything that reminded me of Bash, the dresses I wore on our dates, his shirt which had been my nightwear for three weeks before I took the dumbest decision of my life, the backpack I took to New York, the cups he bought, the shoes he gifted and the bedsheets, pillow covers, skincare products I applied on his face, everything I packed and hid it in a cupboard except for my body. It's the biggest reminder of him. I don't know how to get out of this body. Then I started dee
A TWENTY SOMETHING 55. ANGER
HANA 'There are better men, Hana. But you will remember me. Just me. I will live here. You will remember me, just me.' I opened my eyes with a gasp. The echo of his voice is still loud in my head. I pressed my knuckles to my eyes. Wetness coated on my skin. I became breathless not with the ache in my heart but with anger. I have to do something, anything to prove that he is just a phase of my life and I can easily forget him. But the more I try, the more I fail. He is engraved in my heart and skin. I stomped through my house with the newly found fury. 'Why?' I screamed. 'Why me? What did I do?' In that fury, I did something I never thought I would do. When Mateo asked me again what happened in New York, I told him everything about Cillian and Violet. By the time, I completed, his eyes looked so red. "Son of a bitch," He muttered. "I am so sorry, Hana." He says, pulling me into a hug. I still find it uncomfortable to adjust to
A TWENTY SOMETHING 56. CILLIAN's GIRL
HANA We stared at her in silence as Shalini said what happened in Chennai. "I know she never liked me. She wanted someone to take care of his son. She wants a housewife for him. But I was here. I was so sure that Akash and I could handle her. In most parts of India, even to start an event, we check for the good and bad times. It's a marriage, a union of two families. So when our horoscopes didn't match, she simply said no. Even Akash didn't want to go against her words." She stared at the wall before her blankly as though she was watching the past unfolding on it. "Then I became pregnant. I told him that." She turned her head to look at me with teary eyes. "He said I am trying to trick him into getting married. He said he doubts that I am loyal. Can you believe it? He fucked me in his room with his parent in their garden. Then he..." She burst into tears as I held her, rubbing her back. "If we did the DNA test, it would prove your innocence," Mateo suggeste
A TWENTY SOMETHING 57. MOTHER
HANA "Placenta Previa" The doctor repeated her words. "Miss. Shridhar has experienced hypertension, and she has high blood pressure during pregnancy." My lips trembled when I spoke, "Since when?" The doctor gave me a gentle look. I hate how she is calm and composed and looks at me sympathetically while I am losing my cool with every passing second. I might destroy her entire office soon. "We have diagnosed this in her twentieth week. We have explained to her that she has to choose whom to save, herself or her baby." She explained. I nod my head, thinking back to her pregnancy days. There was a time once she bled. "So in other words, she knew that..that...she would be in a coma or most probably die if she gives birth?" I am still staring at the calendar on the wall behind the doctor's seat. For some reason, I couldn't look at her face. I might lunge at her and kill her. But that was just my shock speaking. The doctor did what she could. I know it.
A TWENTY SOMETHING 58. THE MONSTER
HANA I haven't heard from Enzo again. It's like he has disappeared from this planet. The more I think about it, the more suspicious I have become. Seb yawned, raising his hands in the air and looked around. His eyes found mine, and he stared at me for a while. I leaned into the cradle and smiled at him. "Hi, Junior," I whispered, gently touching his nose with my finger. He looked at my fingers in wonder. He has been doing that a lot, staring at his little fists and mine. His umbilical cord fell off two days ago. He started to make little noises, and he started to recognise me. I would be lying if I hadn't felt proud of myself as though I had a lifetime achievement. "It's just you and me, now." Seb cooed in return. "I will take it as a yes then." I started to record everything he did so that Shalini wouldn't miss a thing when she woke up. My heart aches for her. No matter what happens, she can't turn the time back and be with Junior. I wanted her to know
A TWENTY SOMETHING 59. SO CLOSE YET SO FAR
HANA The maid who brought my Seb took us out of the room where we stayed till now. I jerked my hand away from her. Seb hasn't woken up from his sleep yet and I don't know if it is a good thing or not. "Where are you taking me?" I asked her. She said something in Italian. We passed through a dark hallway with bold wallpaper and abstract art decorating the emerald walls. In what looked like a living room, an older man in a three-piece suit sat on an eight-seated leather couch, his legs crossed and one of his hands stretched on the top of the sofa. His eyes are sea-green, just like Bash's. Except for the few wrinkles on his face and the grey hair, everything about screamed one thing- Bash's father, the monster Rose wrote about. They are so similar from head to toe. I swallow a gulp in my throat. What is Bash doing with this man? Behind him stood a guy probably in his late thirties. He has a twisted smile on his face, and he gives me creeps. On the o
A TWENTY SOMETHING 60. Tainted
HANA "She would do good at Wildwood??" I stared at the men before me in pure horror. I know self-defence. But there's no way I can outdo them, not with Seb in my hands. He started to stir. It's high time he wakes up from his nap. He would start to cry and it would make things only worse. "She is not to be touched," Bash said in a controlled mechanical voice. Yet, hope bloomed inside my chest. He will help me. I still couldn't believe that he didn't feel anything for me. Of course, he doesn't. If he did, he wouldn't have done what he had done in the first place. I don't know what should I be terrified of- at Bash or at men who casually assessing if I would fit in one of their brothels or not? "I will not let you put a woman in brother for spreading her legs on my bed." I heard Bash said to his father. I close my eyes, trying not to be affected by his words and already grieving them all at the same time. He left leaving me all alone with these men. He d
A TWENTY SOMETHING 61. RETURNING HOME
HANA I finally held my Seb, not because he was crying, not because he was afraid. He is still asleep after Bash coaxed him into sleep. I hold him because I need something to hold on to. Bash made a few phone calls. Someone, wearing a black mask came into the room and cleaned the mess I had made. Even Greta was a part of it. She glared at me. But she carried out Bash's orders perfectly. His actions were robust. An hour passed, and the room became as good as before. It didn't look like a place where someone was killed. It is as clean as before. I didn't know how. Because there are only things three that played in my mind; me under him, Bash above him, slashing his throat, and Seb crying alone on the bed. "Hana, snap out of it." Bash's words brought me back to reality. I focused on his eyes, watching the concern for the first time in a year and a half. "You don't know anything. You didn't do anything. Nothing happened here, and you didn't even get out of the room. Print these words
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