Chapter 3: Being Human

 Chapter 3: Being Human

Learning all Security was meant to be privy to took longer than Guard had imagined. He was kept off-balance as he tried to incorporate all the new words, turns of phrase, and human expectations into his mind alongside the knowledge he already had of dozens of other worlds. 

Given how far Guardian had traveled to reach the safety of Earth, Guard doubted he would ever have need of the knowledge of any other world. 

The Zen would not be able to make another bid for safety via Guardian. All their resources were depleted. This would be their home where they would thrive or die. 

"Thank you, Scout, I---"

"Sarah."

Guard  shook his head irritably, "What?"

"I have registered with the humans as Sarah Roth. Humans have two names. Sarah is a 'first' name which is used most commonly. Roth is a 'last' name which is meant to tie me to a human bloodline. My blood sister has chosen the surname of 'Roth' and I have taken it for myself as well to unite us before our new people."

"Thank you for the information, Sarah. I am honored to learn from you."

They bowed to one another in the Zen fashion before Guard turned to go back to his berth. He was unable to make up his mind whether he wanted Reader to be in a form he had known before or if he wanted to be taken by surprise. 

There would only be one chance for them to see each other as humans for the first time. Zen were unable to manipulate their bodies in any way they liked. Most other species did not understand a Zen could take a single form for each species in the universe. Some Zen were especially adept at manipulating their biology and could modify their form in small ways, but Zen were not completely fluid in their abilities. 

Guard hesitated outside the berth with his hand on the panel.

What if the human form did not suit him? What if it was not suitable for Reader? How would they survive bodies they felt no unity with on a world where they were vastly outnumbered?

"I can hear you worrying through the door. There's no need. Humans are not so different from others we have used for generations."

Guard smiled at the murmur of Reader's mental voice. He felt better. Only a few words and he felt better---Guard could not help sending a surge of pure gratitude to his heart brother as he let himself enter their shared space. 

"Verdict? How do I look as a human?"

Reader looked---beautiful.

"Beautiful,"  Guard answered with total honesty, "You look beautiful as a human. I do think we need to get new garments for you. You're a much larger human than Ormali."

Reader had removed his tunic to expose a lean torso with light muscles under golden skin. He had a navel which implied humans experienced live birthing though he had nipples which confused Guard. 

"Are they bi-gender? Or are they equally capable of carrying, birthing, and feeding babes?"

"They're bi-gender. Males cannot carry young, only impregnate females. Females can only become pregnant, not impregnate. Oddly, humans start the same way while in gestation. A trigger causes the young to begin development as a male. If they are denied the trigger, they express as female."

"Truly? Are humans opposite to Zen? Many times more female to male?"

Zen females were rare. Fertility was a common problem for their species. Many explanations had been offered up to give Zen answers regarding their few young. Each female took many males to mate in order to increase her chances of successful breeding. If humans had the opposite population problem, the Zen could be as much saviors to them as the humans were to the Zen.

"Their species has no breeding difficulties," Reader shrugged a shoulder, "Neither gender is more common than the other. Humans do have unusual births where the babe is not distinctly male or female. They call these children 'intersex.' Sometimes a human's body will present female while the mind identifies itself as male or exactly the opposite happens -they call this 'transgender'- and both cases result in the offspring seeking scientific intervention to help them become the gender they need to be."

Guard shook his head slowly in negation, "How can a body be the opposite of the mind? Are they disfigured? Is it preventable? We have science which is more advanced than theirs. Could we help stop this from happening to their young?"

Reader smiled and also shook his head no, "There doesn't seem to be any one reason for an intersex child or a transgender child. Our science cannot stop these cases from happening. We may be able to make life easier on their young. I will continue with my research. Would you like to know how it feels to be human?"

"Yes. I will learn their biology now."

Turning to lean his back into his berthing station, Guard nodded to show Reader he was prepared to accept the information from him.

Touch was both rare and common among the Zen. They were a very physical people who enjoyed sharing their bodies. Their minds were more delicate than their flesh however and, in many cases, a Zen would often prefer to avoid physical contact with another who might be granted too much access to their mind in the process. 

Guard was very sensitive in his mind while his body was a more blunt instrument; Reader possessed the mind of the Records bloodline which had changed over the ages to give them sensitive flesh and weak mind voices. 

Closing his eyes, Guard reached out with his mind, seeking deeper and deeper inside Reader's consciousness until he felt himself surrounded on all sides with the bright light which was the essence of his heart brother.

"I have decided to take the name 'Tom.' I enjoy how it feels on my tongue."

Guard could not remember the last time he had heard Reader's voice so strongly in his mind. Had he ever been so deep inside Reader---Tom's mind?

"Tom. Yes," Guard whispered aloud, tasting the name in his mouth, "I will call you Tom. It is a good name. Strong."

"I am not strong. You are strong. I would like to call you 'John' if you have no objections. I have learned of many great men, great leaders of men, who have the name 'John' to bind them to one another. Would you like me to allow you to feel this body now?"

"Yes," Guard answered, "Let me feel it. Teach me to be human."

"I am still learning myself. This will be a lesson we master together."

Guard took the name John and held it close to his mind's eye, looking at himself through it as a lens. He liked the way the name fit around his form. 'John' would be his name on this new world. The name was all the sweeter because it came from Tom. 

His Tom. 

Once Guardian landed, John would become part of the human world as Tom would also. They would no longer belong first to each other. Neither of them were particularly young. Tom would be at the right age to begin seeking a female to partner with in attempts for young. Their human bodies might make breeding easier though their birth rate had never increased from any other form. 

"You feel so strong. Hard. Warm. Talk to me. Please."

John tipped his head forward to lean against Tom's, relying on his friend to help him remain upright as he changed his body slowly to match the human form they would need to keep. His skin felt too tight as his body shrank from that of the Xuhelion he had been wearing; John wanted to make a sound, but all he could do was gasp and pant, his mouth hanging open as he tried to get the air he needed while his body completed the change.

"I can't hear you. Why can't I hear you? I'm so hot. Why am I so hot?"

John felt himself being pushed backward into the clasp of the berth and allowed himself to be held in place by the security lashes. He gave over to the support as his body finished forming. It could have been minutes or even hours before he was able to open his eyes. 

"Why couldn't I hear you?"

"I wanted to be sure you could take the form without interference. I came to this shape alone and it pleases you. I wanted---"

Blood rushed to stain Tom's cheeks, lighting them up from inside as his eyes fell to the flooring. 

"You wanted me to come to my shape alone to see if I would please you?"

"All I have ever wanted was to please you."

Tom swallowed, his throat working in an intricate movement of living flesh, "Don't. I don't deserve you. I am the brother of your heart. I am honored to be able to live this life with you. Don't think I need you to please me."

"John."

John caught Tom's gaze as his eyes flickered back up to his face. He didn't hesitate to repeat himself.

"My name is John. It is what I am called by he who knows me best."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, John. Is there more you wish to know of these humans?"

"Yes. I want to know everything. Teach me, Tom. Teach me how to be human."