DOUBLE SECRET

ALANNA

“You are dead to me, Alanna,”

Those words echoed in my ears as I tried to comprehend if this woman who I stood before was truly my mother.

I took in a deep breath reminding myself that she was sick and dying and nothing I would say or do would change that. So I needed to show her sympathy.

“I know you are going through a lot of pain Mum and….” I paused as soon as she rolled her eyes when I called her mum. I could see the gaze of disgust fall upon her. Did she really hate me that much? That it felt unbearable to her to hear me call her mum.

I shrugged that thought away and continued, “I want to let you know that despite all our differences, I care about you a lot and I will be here for you no matter what,” I finally said in a low tone.

“You think now that you have money, it can buy and erase all that you did, to me, to Brian,” she replied, glaring at me.

“I am not trying to buy or erase anything, Mum,” and again she shrugged at the word. Tears began to well up in my eye