Dinner isn't going well at all. I feel uncomfortable with two burning gazes on me, one a deep shade of mesmerizing blue and the other, the darkest of browns. I force myself to force food in my mouth that are surprisingly really good but don't feel as good because of the intensity of the situation.
They'd been trying to get me to say something, pulling small talks here and there but so far nothing is working, i just continue to ignore them completely increasing my pace so i can go back to my room and study a little before retreating for the night.
"We are getting married "Brittany finally blurted.
I freeze.
Slowly lifting eyes to look up at the woman who said those words, i find her staring at me intently gagging my reaction and Andrew sending daggers to the side of head with his eyes. "what did you say?"
"Your father and i are getting married" she says it with so much composure and confidence with her arms crossed and a tone that makes her seem so mature and older than she actually is.
"Anne! "Andrew scolds clenching his jaw.
"What? we were going to have to tell her eventually "
"Yes, but i told you I would handle it myself Anne! " he says looking grim.
I get a nostalgic feeling building up my throat. Married! You can't be fucking kidding me. And then i see it, the huge diamond resting on her ring finger and i loose it.
It's been six months, just six months since she died and he's already getting married to someone else! The fucking shit. I'm angry and hungry and trying to process the new found information. And they are both arguing about how the situation should have and have not been acted on.
"Shut up! "i scream, and to my surprise they both do just that looking at me, one with fake sad eyes and the other without a care in the world. "what do you mean you are getting married? " my breathing becomes rapid.
"Alexa -"Andrew trails off.
I let out a dry humorless laugh. "well congrats " my lips stretch into a fake smile "hope you're happy."
I stand and walk away, almost out of the kitchen and i remember I'm really angry and still very hungry, so i turn back and grab my dish topping it with more food as they sat there watching me, another bottle of apple juice and storm back out, slamming the door to my room once I'm in.
I'm usually not the type to eat much, but when I'm really angry, i either deal with it by trashing something, working, or eating till I'm almost feeling bloated and then i call Kyle after. That's exactly what i do, searching for my extra stash of peanuts and gummy bears while the line connects.
"Lex "
"They're getting married " is the first thing that comes out of my peanut stuffed mouth. My voice sounds spiteful and stuffed as continue chewing on my peanuts that are doing less to calm me down.
"who? "
"Andrew, his marrying that gold digging Bimbo."
"Could you be more specific please."
I sigh "Brittany, some new flavor of his."
He pauses for a little moment "are you okay? "there was genuine concern in his voice.
"Of course i am, why wouldn't i be? "
"Don't lie to me Lexa " the way he says it makes me want to surrender all my feelings to him to, blurt out all the frustration, annoyance and hurt inside me. It makes a little tear drop fall from the corner of my eyes.
"It's all just really suffocating "i admit falling my head on my pillows, drowning my voice with the sound of the rain pouring heavily out side but he can still hear my every word. "it feels like betrayal and it shouldn't because this isn't the first time he's run off with someone else but i think it hurts more because this time he's actually getting married. Or maybe it's because she's just a girl, i mean they have like twenty years apart from each other, for Christ sake she's just two years older than i am! "
He doesn't say anything, he just listens to me rant. "i don't like feeling like this Kyle! I shouldn't feel like this but fuck, it hurts! Whenever i see her i feel nauseous. Who does she think she is? Does she think she can just come in and try to replace mom?!" i didn't even realize when the tears start leaking out. I sniff, once, twice, trice. "oh shit! I'm out of peanuts "i groan.
"Do you want me to come over? "he asks.
I look out the window and the rain is still pouring heavily and it's already almost midnight. "no it's fine, I'll cope"
"Are you sure? It's not that much of a distance between our houses, I'll be there in less than six minutes "
"No, really it's fine Kyle, i feel much better already, i promise "i did, talking to him and knowing he was listening and cared so much to want to drive over here despite the rain made me feel better.
Just when he was about to say something more, there was a nock on my door. "Alexa? "
I tensed. I don't want to speak to him, what is he doing at my door. "go away! "
"I want to talk to you."
"I don't want to talk to you. "
"well I'm coming in anyway "i groan, mentally cursing myself for not locking the door as he pushed open the nob and stepped in, in sweat pants and a T-shirt which is something i never see on him. He's either always on a suit or no where around seeing range thankfully.
"I gotta go Kay, I'll see you tomorrow" i said into the phone.
"Okay. Lex? "
"Yeah? "
"Call me if you need me okay? "
"I will " i assure him before ending the call. I Turn my attention to Andrew who is leaning on his side against the wall watching me.
"What do you want? "
"What do you want? " i say ripping open a pack of gummy bears and popping it into my mouth."How do you feel? "he takes me by surprise."Do you really want to know? ""Yes " he looks really serious, no falter in his expression what so ever.I sit up, staring him straight in the eye. "like you're a piece of shit "He sighs and his eyes soften into something a little sad. He walks closer to me and takes a sit on my little love seat by the corner. "it bothers you ""Surprise, surprise ""I know i haven't been the father you probably wanted -""Shocking! "i fake surprise with my eyes wide."-But i want to make up for it " he goes on, ignoring my childish comment. "i didn't start off on the right foot, and I've probably hurt you
There are the moments when you feel like something beautiful is right ahead of you, maybe physically, maybe mentally, maybe emotionally or maybe even in your subconscious. Right now for me it was the latter.I don't know why but my lips are stretched into a blissful smile and I'm not even fully awake yet. My eyes are still closed and I'm still in that sleepy haze between wonder land and real life. Maybe it's because of the extremely soft duvet I'm hugging tightly to myself, or it's because of the sweet smell of vanilla and mint surrounding me, or even because of the comfortable heat pressed against my back."I know you are awake lex, you can open your eyes now " his voice husky and low behind my ear.I smile even wider opening my eyes and turn so I'm facing him. "hey ""Morning, " he grins down at me, prompting his head on his palm with his elbow resting
I didn't realize how cold I was before until i stepped into the steaming water. All my senses and tense muscles relax. A small sigh of glee escapes my lips and i dip my body further into the tub.I don't know how long i spent inside the tub but by the time i feel my skin start to wrinkle, i get out, letting the soapy water drain and rinse my body with hot running water. I rap my body with Kyle's extra towel, leaving the bathroom with the sweet smell of his vanilla and mint shampoo.
We are currently walking hand in hand in the woods, a few miles out of town. Kyle said he wanted me to let loose so he got me out of the house toi have no idea where we are,inside the woods and i can feel the sound of breaking branches under my foot as we pass, making me hold on tighter to his hands in anxiety. Places like this tend to make me feel like my life is in danger and some sort of beast is going to pop up and eat us alive.
"Are you done staring? "Kyle turns back to face me with a teasing smirk on his pretty face as he tosses his shirt to the ground leaving his well sculpted chest down to the v of his pants on display. "i know I'm gorgeous and all, but if you keep staring at me like that babe i might have to do something about it " he winks.I turn away with an eye roll cursing myself for getting caught.
I love you in more ways than you know.Kyle's words keep repeating themselves in my head. I know he cares deeply about me, we've exchanged i love yous more times than i can remember. But this time, this seems different. The way he said it, the way he looked at me when the words fell off his lips, i can't describe it. I'm probably just reading too much into it but i just have a weird feeling that i can't describe.
Everyone has a day they wake up hating on the world, anything and anyone around them. A mood that could make you feel really irritated by the sight of anything, including the things that you love so much and you might end up breaking your favorite mug. Or swapping laces of your Best friends snicker collection.It could be a bad hair day. it could be a whipped snob obsessing over the boy that broke her heart. It could be a stupid hate love battle with your thoughts caused by the thing called puberty that people usua
I bet you want to know what I'm thinking right now. Well, I'm not going to tell you.With the way Alice is looking at me, i can tell she's dying to be telepathic, just for a moment. Her eyes are drilling into my skull but i pretend not to notice, spreading my peanut butter on the sandwich bread.