The talk we've been avoiding

‎I didn’t stop walking until I reached the private dressing room at the far end of the studio. ‎My fingers were still trembling when I dropped into the chair.

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‎The air-conditioning hummed softly overhead, but it did nothing to cool the heat crawling under my skin.

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‎ I could still feel his gaze. I could still feel the way his eyes had stayed on me during the shoot. ‎Like I was something he couldn’t stop studying. Like I was still something he wanted.

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‎The thought made my stomach twist violently.

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‎“No,” I muttered under my breath, heaving a sharp exhale. “I’m not doing this again.” I shook my head, staring myself in the mirror to affirm.

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‎The door opened, the footsteps of the two people that came in behind me was distinct. I didn’t need to turn to know who they were.

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‎Madame Marissa walked in first, followed by Jade. Madame Marissa crossed the room, only stopping beside me.

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‎“You seem off today,” she said immediately, planting a palm on my shoulder and hunching over. "Is everything really okay?"

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‎“I’m..." I sighed. "I'm fine,” I said, tone low and unconvincing.

I wasn't fine. I was far from fine.

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‎Madame Marissa looked behind her exchanging a glance with Jade. Neither of them believed me.

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‎She stood back, allowing the silence of the room to reach me.

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‎I leaned back in the chair and forced a scoff. “ It's just some minor inconvenience.” My voice sounded steadier than I felt.

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‎“That’s all.” I added. But it wasn’t. Not even close.

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‎A sudden knock on the door interrupted the room. ‎It was three sharp taps that made all  three of us turn.

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‎The stylists? Holly?' I wondered who it was.

‎The door opened before anyone could respond. ‎It wasn't the stylists, nor was it Holly.

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‎It was Nicholas!

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‎He stepped in, his dark eyes searching about until they found me.

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‎I froze. Overwhelmed by the shock and surprise of him entering into this private dressing room that was supposed to be closed off to other people. Especially him!

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‎I felt the air in the room shift instantly.

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‎'Why is he here?' I wanted to ask.

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‎But Madame Marissa moved first, placing herself slightly in front of me as if to protect me.

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‎“Excuse me?" She said coldly. “This is a private space. You're not supposed to be here.”

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‎However, Nicholas wasn't listening. He didn’t even look at her. His irridescent, dark eyes remained on me.

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‎Only me!

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‎“I need to speak with her,” he said, voice calm and controlled.

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‎Madame Marissa crossed her arms. " You don't get to speak with her just 'cause you say so-”

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‎“I said. I need to speak with her.” This time, his voice hardened. He shot a cold  glance towards Madame Marissa, exhibiting that danger in him that I knew all too well.

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‎I was pissed off at his entitlement. Oh God I wanted to tear down that ego of his.  Does he still think he runs the show?

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‎I stood slowly.

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‎Because something in me snapped at the certainty in his tone.

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‎“Madame, Jade." I called.

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‎Both of them turned to me immediately. Madame Marissa's eyes widened seeing the look on my face. She stepped close,  frowning.

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‎“Madison—”

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‎“I know..." I said, cutting her off before she could voice her concern...

Madame has been my savior, my life guide. She'll always be. But this time, it's my personal issue, I have to face it myself.

" Give me a minute. I'll be fine, I promise." I told her.

‎

‎The silence that befell the room was heavy.

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‎I saw Jade shift uncomfortably near the wall from the corner of my eye. ‎Madam Marissa looked like she wanted to argue. She opened her mouth to speak, only to heave a sigh.

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‎"Come on, let's go." She told Jade in a low voice as she turned and left the room. Jade followed, eyeing Nicholas on their way out.

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‎Nicholas walked in further once they left, standing in front of me. As he came close, my heart thrummed loudly in my chest, but I didn't back down. I held his glare, my anger boiling deep within me.

Yet, I maintained my calm.

‎

‎He wants to talk? Of course, we can talk. Finally, we can talk.

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‎“I’ve been looking for you,” he said. “for the last five years. Did you really think you can do what you did and just keep away from me?”

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‎I couldn't help but blink hearing this. I looked at him, unsure if he was serious at all. This entitled bastard, he didn't even try to beg. Despite all he'd done he still thinks he's entitled to me?

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‎“That’s your opening line?” I tilted my head slightly. “Really? After having searched for me for five years?" I jabbed, flashing a pitiful smile.

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‎I was pissed underneath the smile. But I enjoyed the shift in his expression.

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‎His brows inclined and his jaw tightened slightly.

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‎But his indifference returned faster than I expected. “I didn’t come here to argue,” he said. “I came because I need to be in my daughter’s life.”

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‎I went still, feeling my face drop. For a second, I forgot what it meant to breathe.

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‎'His daughter?' I frowned, the phrase alone cracking a wound in my heart.

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‎Is that what this is? How dare he... How dare he walk in like this and talk to me about Elena?

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‎ How dare he?!

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‎I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to curse, to punch him right in the face. I felt the corners of my eyes stinging.

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‎He wanted to be in Elena's life now? After having discarded me like I meant nothing back then?

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‎Kiss the hair on my ass!

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‎I forced a smile. “Is that so? Oh, so now you want to be a father to a prostitute's daughter? How sweet. But, why do you think we want that?”

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‎His eyes narrowed slightly.“I don't care what you think of me. l know that's what I want and I'll do whatever it takes,” he continued. “I don’t care what it costs. I don’t care what I have to do. I just want to be her father.”

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‎Something inside my chest cracked, quietly. I felt hurt at the realization that he still saw me the same.

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‎Nothing but a vessel, a prostitute. I was no one important to him, nothing. " So you're saying I have no say in this? Is that what I'm hearing? Are you threatening to take my child away from me?" I queried, putting a foot forward. I won't let him do this. I have no objection being called a prostitute by him, but my daughter? No one messes with her. Not him!

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‎I watched his brows pull together. “That’s not what I meant." he said, stepping forward.

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‎“Isn’t it?” I stepped closer, now staring up at him from beneath his jaw. “You came here after five years,” I continued. “And the first thing you say is that you want her?"

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‎“What about me, Nicholas?” I said, my voice cracking. Though, I regretted saying it out loud. It felt like I was still testing how much I could bleed after having been wounded. I didn't mean it that way, but I couldn't say it didn't come out that way. But it was true, that's how I truly felt deep down.

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‎Silence.

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‎That silence answered everything

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‎My throat tightened. But I refused to show it

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‎I smiled instead. That same practiced smile I had learned to wear when life got too honest.

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‎“Let me guess,” I said. “You still think I’m a prostitute?”

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‎His jaw clenched immediately. That reaction alone told me everything.

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‎I laughed again. “There it is,” I whispered. “You can’t even deny it. Gosh, why are you even here?” I can't believe, I just can't!

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‎“Look, I didn’t come here to insult you,” he said sharply. “I came for my daughter.”

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‎“And if I told you I aborted her?” I shot back. “Would you know? Would you still be standing here?”

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‎His expression shifted instantly. Something sharp crossed his face...Confusion? Anger? Shock? I wasn't sure what he felt.

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‎“You didn’t,” he said, with certainty in his eyes.

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‎My lips curled, enjoying the way he squirmed to make sense of himself. “Didn’t I?”

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‎That landed harder than I expected. Even on me.

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‎But then his voice cut through again, cold and controlled. “Madison, I didn’t know you were pregnant. I...”

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‎I stared in his eyes, I don't know for how long. I didn't know whether that was an excuse or a genuine regret on his part.

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‎“Does that make things any better?” I asked quietly. “You kicked me out anyway.”

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‎His jaw tightened. “It’s not the same thing as what happened, Madison. We only parted as you and I couldn't work things out. It has nothing to do with her."

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‎And that did it.

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‎Something inside me snapped completely. So that's how he wants to phrase what happened?

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‎I laughed, I didn't know why I did.

I could feel the tears stinging the corner of my eyes, almost dropping as I laughed. “Oh my God,” I said. “You’re so unbelievable.” I wiped the corners of my eyes with the back of my finger.

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‎“You really think you get to decide what counts as abandonment?” I looked at him again. “You slept with me. Then you told me that was a mistake."

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‎“And now you show up like you’re entitled to a child you didn’t even know existed.” I almost barked. " Do you even hear yourself?"

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‎His eyes darkened.“ You don’t get to keep her from me,” he said finally.

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‎I smiled, slow and dangerous. Looking right in his eyes as I said, “watch me.”

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‎He clenched his jaw tight, but he couldn't retort.

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‎My smile widened, naturally. I enjoyed seeing him powerless like this. I wanted to strip him of everything he held dear. Everything.

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‎I wanted to see him squirm more.

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‎ I tilted my head, an idea formed in my head. “Or if you’re serious,” I said lightly. “Why don't you prove that you'd really do anything to be in Elena's life?”

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‎His eyes narrowed. “What?”

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‎I smiled, wider. “Strip.”

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‎His face tightened, he glared at me as if he could tear me apart the next second. But I didn’t look away from him.

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‎Not once.

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‎“Out there,” I added calmly. “On set.”

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‎“Show me you’re willing to be anything for her. You want the daughter of a prostitute? How about you prove you're not ashamed of us?”

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‎His expression turned dark instantly. “You-” he started. But stopped.

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‎I watched him carefully. Then I leaned slightly closer, “Or was this all just talk?” I smirked.

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‎Something cracked in him. I saw it. But he didn’t answer. Instead, he turned sharply, “And you think this changes anything?” he said coldly.“I will be in my daughter’s life. And you won’t stop me.”

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‎Then he walked out. The door shut behind him.

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‎I wanted to laugh, but I could only smile, and it broke halfway. ‎Because the moment he left… I stopped pretending.

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‎My knees weakened slightly. But it was too late. Tears burned down my face anyway, hot and damning. I'd been holding them in for long.

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‎Madam Marissa rushed in first immediately, “Madis-"

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‎"What the hell did he say to you?”

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‎ I wiped my face quickly and forced my voice steady, “I’m fine.”

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‎Jade stepped forward with tissues. I took them with gratitude.

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‎“It's just… past matters,” I said quietly.

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‎Then I straightened, forced my mask back on. “We finish the shoot,” I said. “Then we go home.”

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‎Madam Marissa studied me for a long moment. Then she finally nodded, “I’ll get Holly.” The door closed behind her again.

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‎I sat there alone for a moment longer, eyes fixated on myself in the mirror, regulating my breath and steadying myself for the next set.

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‎I have a job to do.

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