11

~Avia 

I couldn’t bring myself to admit to Malin and Kadrick what happened in the kitchen last night between Isaiah and I. 

I’ve spent the better part of the day gnawing at my fingernails, leaving them raw and tender, pacing back and forth incessantly in my room. Proceeding from here is going to take a lot of caution, since I’m teetering on a very dark, unforgiving path. Had I succumbed to Isaiah’s wishes, what would have happened to me? I would be disgraced. 

"You've failed. He truly doesn't want you,” Malin mutter, tossing her hands up. I sit with my knees hiked up to my chest at the meeting table, grateful it’s only Malin and Kadrick to hear of my superseded failure. 

I told them Isaiah has reacted negatively to my seduction, that we are going to have to take a different route. Guilt has already bloomed in my veins, creeping all throughout me, leaving a horrid, cold feeling in its wake. Had I been truthful, Malin would encourage me to continue pushing at him, which I’m not sure I’m ready for. I can gain his trust, without falling into his desire. 

"Ouch Malin,” I mutter tiredly, restraining a yawn. These late night meetings are starting to weigh on me. 

"It's not you, it's clearly something wrong with him,” Kadrick cuts in, trying to save my dignity. I smile gratefully at him, letting him lace his fingers through mine as he draws his chair closer. 

"So now what, then? We relied on this idea too much.” I look back at Malin, at the shadows under her dark eyes, at her unbrushed hair. She isn’t handling this very well. Tension and anticipation has always knocked her off her feet. "Should I just kill him?"

She shakes her head, pressing the tips of her fingers between her brows as her expression morphs into one of frustration. "No, we need to find out what this plan is first. We need to find out a lot more."

There are many facets of information that I’ve alluded to, however Malin isn’t convinced. She is wary of Zire, which makes two of us, yet if I can play it right, there will be copious amounts of information to glean from him. And the girls, Savea, Mari and Cherry. What they know is invaluable, which is tomorrow’s task. Their families are painfully close to Isaiah’s. 

"Don't forget that if he dies, someone worse may take his place. We have to play this right,” Kadrick reminds me, squeezing my fingers. That smile, tight and uncomfortable, is his way of telling me to reign my emotions in, to not let them get the best of me. 

My mouth settles into a firm line. "Cross seduction off the list."

"Maybe we don't have to...Maybe you pushed for him too much, and he thinks he can have you whenever he wants," Malin supposes, the tone creeping into her voice, one I’m always careful to avoid. It means she’s on a tangent that could lead us anywhere, although some of her best ideas have come from them. "He needs to think he doesn't have a chance with him. That will make him want you more."

I examine my friend tiredly, shaking my head. "That's not how it works, Malin."

She gets to her feet, pacing around the table to our side, flexing her fingers. I shrink into my seat some more, wary of that look in her eyes. That darkness was there when she first found me, when she lured me into this idea that is now my entire life. 

"Sure it is," she implores. "We need to make him jealous."

"How?"

"We bring Kadrick in.” She sounds almost excited, motioning to my boyfriend, who freezes at the sudden attention. "You pretend to fall for him, and the Alpha will get jealous."

I glance at him. Kadrick has always been willing to do whatever is needed for the rebellion, especially the most public of roles. Sometimes I wonder if he even despises Isaiah and the reality he has created for the Pack, or if he hates his parents more. By doing this, he has become everything they despise, and he revels in it. Malin and I have discussed it, agreed to keep a close eye on it. Anger like that can erupt and become volatile. I trust my boyfriend, but I would have to see him jeopardize everything in one emotion. 

"She doesn't have to pretend,” he grumbles, quirking a challenging eye at Malin, who simply rolls her eyes. 

"I don't know if that will work...Then we are compromising the two of us,” I remind her frankly. I’ll go down before I ever allow Isaiah to get his hands on Kadrick. 

Malin tugs a chair out beside me, twisting is around to straddle it. "It will work, I know it. I know arrogant Alpha's in power like him."

I consider her words, exhausted. Isaiah could very well be playing with me, enjoying my reaction without any real intention to make it go further. He is an Alpha, after all, and one we cannot trust. As seductive as he is, I cannot allow myself to be entranced by him...So perhaps turning it back on him, the game, the deception is exactly the leap we need to get ahead of him. 

"I'll do it. But where do I fit in, he's not hiring anyone?" Kadrick brings up. 

"We kill Avia's personal guard and send a threatening note,” Malin responds simply, shrugging casually, as if what she mentions doesn’t have any meaning at all. 

I stiffen. "No, we aren't killing any innocents."

There were a lot of conversations between Malin and I and other members of the rebellion, and the promise not to kill anyone was made. It would bring us to a similar level to Isaiah, yet Malin has started reforming this ideal to the group in my absence, I have noticed. Now, they are willing to do whatever it takes to get rid of Isaiah, promising a far more utopian society once he has gone.

"Oh come on, it's a worthy sacrifice,” she prompts, turning her head to the side, her dimpled smile making my stomach churn uncomfortably. 

"We should do it. It's our only option,” Kadrick adds. 

I grit my teeth. "How is Kenna?"

"Better, although still agitated," Malin admits, kneading her shoulder as if she can feel physical agony from dealing with Kenna. I’ve been briefly in and out of the room, but she hasn’t had much patience for me either, which I cannot fault her for. "We've enticed her into writing and sending the letters you've received from her family."

I narrow my eyes. "Enticed? What does that mean?"

"She's our problem to deal with right now. You need to concentrate on the Alpha, and getting more information from those painful brats that are meant to be your friend,” she merely states, waving her hand dismissively. I glance at Kadrick, but he looks away, mindlessly fiddling with his lowest shirt button. 

Ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach. "I should probably get back. It's late."

***

I was awoken the next more by a soft knock on the door. 

Dragging myself out of bed, I mutter quiet curses under my breath, assuming this is Zire coming to irritate me once again. However, once I’ve shrugged a knitted cardigan over my shoulders and opened the door, I’m faced with Isaiah, who immediately brushes past me. 

"Oh...You're visiting my room now,” I try to tease, although the tone is lost under my breath, the door slipping through my fingers, closing with a sharp bang.

Isaiah’s hair is a mess, having had fingers raked through it since the moment he rose this morning. His back is to me, looking through the slight crack in my curtains that didn’t get closed properly last night, the golden morning light tracing the edges of Isaiah’s figure. 

"Your personal guard is dead,” he says quietly. 

A lump gathers in my throat. "How?"

"On his way to work," he explains, turning on his heels. His eyes are wide, his usual calm having been shattered by the news. Was he close to my guard? I doubt it, and yet here the Alpha stands, looking at me like the inside of him is cracking and crumbling away like a fragile piece of glass. "I also was sent this note."

I take the envelope, opening it with trembling fingers. I grimace as my eyes scan over the paper, the handwriting unfamiliar, which means Malin didn’t write this...She must have gained support from the rest of the group to convince one of them to do this.

The words are vague but purposeful. It’s essentially a guide on how much fear Isiaah should be feeling...How Kenna should be feeling were she not me.

"It's threatening my life,” I whisper, turning it over. This was a mistake. No matter how much it may advance his mission, it didn’t need to happen...

"You can absolutely return home if you need to. I know this is serious,” Isaiah rushes as I hand the note back to him, hoping nothing on it can be traced back to the group. 

I shake my head, not wanting the man’s sacrifice to mean nothing. "No, I'm likely safer here."

He steps forward, fingers shaking, being the most vulnerable that I ever thought I would be able to witness. "Nothing will happen to you. I’ll make sure of it.”

He’s starting to trust me. He sees me as a true member of this household, one who has no ties to the rebellion, one who is just here to do her job. That should make me happy, that we are making progress, and yet I feel nothing but cold emptiness. I’ve lied to Kadrick and Malin, and I’m lying to everyone else here. I’m convinced I’m even lying to myself. 

"I have no doubt you can protect me, Alpha,” I breathe, threading my fingers through my knotted hair, trying not to crumble onto the floor. 

Isiaah nods, a firm look of determination settling over his expression. "And protect you I will."