Chapter 4: Haunted by Nightmares

Chapter 4: Haunted by Nightmares

Silas

"Little bro, you look like shit! Are you sleeping, OK?" My older brother Cody, the pack's Gamma, puts an arm around my shoulder.

I shrug off his arm, "Yeah, I'm fine." I give him the best fake smile I can muster.

"Oh, is it Samantha coming over in the middle of the night again." Cody prods me in the ribs.

"You caught me." I give him a wink and a chuckle. I lied. The truth is I haven't had a full night's rest since the "Night of Raids." Every time I close my eyes, I see their faces, not the faces of the kids I saved but the ones I couldn't.

It's always the same. I am about to walk out with the kids when I hear crying. I look around and find a little girl in the corner sobbing. I reach out to her, and her head twists 180 degrees. She screams at me, "Silas, why didn't you save me too!" Then all these small hands reach out from the darkness to pull me down. All around me, I hear whispers, "Save us." "It hurts." "Why didn't you save us." Then I wake up in a cold sweat. That night changed me forever.

As far as Samantha and me, we have only been dating three months, but it's never felt right. She's a beautiful she-wolf. A damn good fighter also. I just get this feeling I'm only a steppingstone for her or that she's simply dating me because of my family being ranked. We haven't seen or talked to each other much in the last 15 days. It's probably my fault. Maybe I should ask her to go on a run with me tonight.

"Earth to Si! Hey, man, are you sure you are, OK?"

"Yeah, sorry, zoned out."

"You haven't been yourself since that night. We are worried about you. I know you saved all those kids. It must have been a crazy fight. It took you days to heal from the silver stab wounds." Cody slaps my back which stings said stab wounds.

"Yeah, the scars still hurt sometimes, that's all. You know silver really messes you up." The stab wounds were almost healed; the scars left on my mind were still festering.

"Well, go see the Doc if they are bugging you. Oh, hey, I know this is last minute, but can you take over the teen training session for me?"

"Cody, man, I already got roped into helping Davy with his Beta work. Can't you ask Dad?"

"Please! It's not for me. It's for Abby. You know she's due in a few months, and I've been so busy I haven't had the chance to put the nursery together."

"Davy used the same excuse, except it was for Liz and Vivi. Ugh! Fine, but you owe me."

"You're my favorite little brother!"

"I'm your only little brother!"

"That's why you're my favorite."

"Just go before I change my mind."

"I owe you!" With that, he runs off.

I was honestly happy that both my brothers found their mates and were starting families. Davy or David Jr. took over as pack Beta about three years ago when dad retired. Cody took over as Gamma when our pack's Gamma heir decided to leave our pack and follow her mate, a Beta, to a different pack. Then there was me, the third son, top warrior. We didn't have a Delta, and the only pack that does is the Druit Guard. Since my dad trained all of us as Betas, I end up standing in for my brothers all the time. I often get called the "substitute." Even our Alpha treats me as an extra pair of hands. I do the work but get none of the rewards. I don't need a rank or a prize; just acknowledging my work would be nice. I always ended up with the worst parts of everyone's jobs, like the teen training. The teens are just brats that run on hormones.

"Bram, I swear if any of them pop off, I'm running them till they pass out or puke."

"If that little shit Zander and his wolf challenge us again, I'm going to make them eat dirt."

"I'm fine with that." At least Bram, my wolf, was always on my side. I made my way to the training field I didn't have long before starting the training session.

I decided today we would work on footwork. I get the ground ladders and jump ropes out of the equipment shed. The kids start making their way over a few lend a hand to set up while others stand around and flirt awkwardly with each other.

"Looks like we have the pushover substitute again." Of course, Zander just had to open his dumb mouth. I roll my eyes and ignore him. I just wanted to finish this hour and move on to the reports Davy asked me to go over.

"OK, everyone, take your places, please. We are going to focus on footwork" Most of the kids take their place. Zander and his lemmings don’t. When will this kid get it through his head? He's never going to beat me. "Zander, please take your place. We are starting training."

"Footwork? That's stupid. I guess that's what you get when the substitute is in charge, pointless." My everyday calm deminer snaps. Zander would learn today.

"Zander, come up here. You are going to help me out with a little demonstration."

"Fine, I'll kick your ass if that's what you want." Everyone laughs. He walks up, glaring at his classmates.

"OK, I'm not going to use my arms or hands. So come at me." Bram and I would keep our promise to ourselves. He would eat dirt today!

Zander comes running at me, fist flying. He's slow, I sidestep, and he stumbles forward a bit, didn't eat dirt yet. I'll try harder. He comes at me again, and I dodge all his attacks. Then I spin, and I'm behind him. I kick out his feet from under him, and I am satisfied. He's face down in the dirt; I hope it's tasty, kid.

"That's footwork. Your feet are just as much of a weapon as your fist, and I'm not referring to kicking. Zander, take your place, please." He glares at me with a dirty red face.

The rest of the session goes on without incident. I see a few of the teens are making progress, and we could even let them shadow some patrol units. I'll give Davy a full report. Zander and his buddies will need more work. Once the hour is up, the kids are quick to run off to socialize. I'm left to put everything up by myself.

I gather up all the equipment and head over to the shed. When I'm within earshot, I hear a couple getting hot and heavy in the shed. Damn, teens, I don't have time for this. I get closer and am hit with a familiar scent.

"Please not again. I can't deal with this right now." I'm so frustrated I'm talking to myself out loud.

"Rip the band-aid off. Open the door." Bram was annoyed today as well. This was just one more thing.

I open the door, and my suspicions are confirmed. Samantha is with, of all people, Zander's older brother, Miles. They don't notice me as they are entirely intertwined. Yep, done with this day.

"Well, you two look great together. Congratulations." I turn and walk out.

"Silas, it's not how it looks?" Samantha is scrabbling to put her clothes back on.

"You do realize that's the most cliché line spoken by every cheater in history. I don't want you anywhere near me."

"Just let me explain." This is like a bad soap opera. I guess I should have trusted my gut about her.

"There's nothing to explain." I shift and head into the forest.

"Dad, can you help Davy with the 3^rd quarter audit report? I need some air." I mind-link my dad. I can't even run away without covering my responsibilities; I am a pushover.

"Sure, son. You, OK?"

"Just need some air, is all." I cut the link and blocked it. I need peace for a while.

I run and run. I run to the edge of our territory, and I just keep running. I just wanted to getaway. It got dark quicker than I expected. It's a new moon tonight. The forest is pitch black. I come across a clearing, and I shift and just lay in the middle of it and look up at the moonless sky. The stars looked so bright but didn't offer the same light as the moon.

I felt like that night sky. Black with gleams of fails light. If Only I could shine like the moon like my brothers or my dad. I would always be a moonless sky; just they're not really offering anything to anyone. Tears slowly stream down the side of my face.

"We have a purpose. You have to trust in the goddess." Bram had more faith than me.

"Bram, I'm 23. I should have already found my purpose. Everyone else has and found their mates."

"Our mate is out there. I feel her."

"I'm glad one of does." I only felt empty.

I take a deep breath, "Selene, I vow never to date anyone ever again. The next woman I'm with will be my mate."

I close my eyes and just listen to the world turn around me. I start to feel a warmth I've never felt before slowly envelop my body. It was comforting and relaxing. Oddly my pack mark started to feel itchy. I didn't move. I just basked in the soothing feeling.

I just lay there in the middle of the clearing until I saw dawn break through the trees. I guess it's time to go back.