Chapter 4

“Kian, stop!” I yelled as he walked away with my bags. “This crazy guy! You hate me so why are you doing this to me? Is this another form of torture?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He reached across from me and closed the door with a bang.

Only then did I realise that in my anger, I had chased after him like a fool and followed into his room. It was like I had willingly walked into the devil’s den.

“What exactly do you want from me?” Resignation weighed down my shoulders. “What do you want from me? Why are you doing this? You have kept me out of this room for the two years we've been mated. Why are you doing this?”

“I’ve given it some thought,” he spoke in a monotone. “You’re well known for causing trouble. You’re now doing all this to get my attention so I am giving you my attention. From now on, we’ll use one room as you’ve always wanted so stay quiet.”

It felt like a slap to the face. Yes, I had chased after Kian for as long as I had known him. I lost my self-esteem and my self-respect and now, I wanted to get myself together. I needed to get my life back but he didn’t even believe that I would dream of leaving him.

“That’s not what I want,” I assured him in a firm tone.

Only, my voice shook a little. My heart beat a little faster and I had to blink furiously. It was my greatest weakness after my love for Kian. I was a person who shed tears easily. Expressing myself was difficult because once I got even the slightest bit emotional, my voice shook and tears spilt from my eyes.

It was happening and it was happening at the wrong time.

“That’s not what I want. I’m sick of you. I’m sick of this life. Everything –“ I started to hiccup. “Everything in this pack – I’m sick of it all.”

Then I burst into tears. Words poured from my mouth with no coherence. As I tried to express my frustration, I ended up just crying ugly tears. This seemed to irritate Kian. Even through my loud bawling, I could hear him tsk several times.

“Why are you crying?” He asked in a tone that made me feel worse.

As a child, I never paid any attention to his harsh words. It was just who he was. As a teen, I brushed them aside and told myself that he didn’t mean them but as an adult, I could clearly see the effects of getting talked down on all my life on my self-esteem.

“You’re not a child. If you have something to say, then express yourself clearly.”

“I hate you!” I screamed. “I hate you so much it’s driving me crazy!”

What was once a warm feeling inside me was now nothing more than a cold, hard grudge. I never allowed myself to discover who I was as I person because I was too fixated on chasing after Kian. Outside of him, it felt like I had no identity and I hated this fact. I hated who I had become. Meeting Kian was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

“No, you don’t. You’re being a drama queen again.”

“You’re just so – just so – I wish I never met you. You’re right about me being stupid. I was stupid to waste so much of my life on you.” I continued to sob.

“You’re stupid but your realization has come too late,” he spoke with a laugh. “We are bound together for life. I will never let you escape your duties to me.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized with tears in my eyes. “I’m sorry for whatever I did to you. Forgive me for whatever – whatever it is – just stop it – stop torturing me –“

“Nat –“

“I don’t even want anything. Your wealth – your money – I don’t want anything. I’ll leave this place without a penny so please just let me go.”

“Natalie, stop crying.” His detached voice asked me to stop but I only sobbed harder.

Inside, I was angry at myself. He had wronged me and I should be blowing up in his face, yelling at him, but here I was, crying like a child, begging the enemy.

The sobs died in my throat when I felt a hand around my shoulders. He hugged me. Kian, the man who never agreed to hold hands with me, was hugging me.

“Stop crying.” His words were a little less cold and I didn’t know what to make of that.

I was too stunned to speak.

All physical contact between the two of us was always initiated from my end. I was the one who hugged him as a child, who held his hands while we played and the one who kissed him as a teen. That was it. That was how far my courage carried me. Even though we had been together for two years, we only ever shared a bed on the day we mated. That night, it was an in and out thing, quick and mechanical as if he couldn’t wait to get it over with. He put his mark on me, got off to take a bath and went back to work.

That same man was hugging me because I cried.

“I can perceive dinner.” He said, still holding me. “Let’s go eat. You’ll feel better with a full stomach.”

He linked our fingers and led me out of the room. I was too dumbfounded to speak.

As he said, dinner had been served. There were scarcely any workers in this mansion as Kian didn’t like to be reminded that others existed in this world. The workers were few and they did their work in the shadows so their presence was almost ignorable.

Although no workers were present in the dining room, someone had set the table. We took our seats and silence reigned. Anytime we were together, it was my duty to fill the silence as I was eager to be close to him but today, I just started at my plate in confusion.

We’d never eaten a meal together since we mated. I always sat alone at this vast table while he worked or did whatever he did that kept him away from home well past midnight more often than not.

“It’s salty.” He spat out the food after the first bite. “What the hell is this!?” He snarled.

I didn’t need to taste the food to know that it was not edible.

There was a game the head chef liked to play with me. She was a woman whose niece had her eyes set on the position of Luna but since I got it, she hated me. At every meal, I had to be cautious. Most times, the food was fine but there were days where the food was too salty, too spicy, or downright rotten.

She must have decided to play the same psychological game with me today.