Chapter 52

So that was stupid.

I took my loofa and scrubbed my skin red and raw, as if it would erase what I’d done. I don’t know what possessed me to do the things that I did. I don’t know why I enjoyed it. Sure, he was good and considerate, and passionate, but... I was not a single woman. He knew that. [I]knew that. Why didn’t we stop? No. I didn’t stop him. I felt so guilty. I didn’t even think about Henry all night.

Even now, I thought, all I could think about was how Jasper made me feel. Memories of last night made my body hot and tingly.

I ended up touching myself in ways I’ve never touched before. I’ve had lewd thoughts about him before, after I saw him having s*ex with that dark-skinned girl in my garden, but nothing warranted a mast*urbation. Not one. But because I’ve already got the taste...

I wanted to cry. I felt so dirty. Shameless.

In the end, I justified my actions with the thought that touching myself is natural and part of growing up. I only felt negatively about it because of m