After dinner, and the dishes, we go over to the living room to just sit around and chill. I sit with him pressed to me, and his arm is around my waist. One of my arms is on his chest, and the other just rests in his loosely gripped hand. Watching TV has become out little pastime. We started watching a TV series that I honestly do not remember the name of. But it's got a lot to do with science and aliens, and some weird teen drama. I just watch it and mentally criticize all the things that seem unreal to me. "How is that even likely to happen?" I ask as we watch the protagonist's girlfriend come back to him after they both split for at least the third time, "They're obviously not meant to be together." "Maybe they are, which is why they split so much," says Dane. "What?" "Think about it. Sometimes even the most harmonious couples don't agree on everything, and they go through a little period of rose thorns," says Dane, his hand rubbing my arm, "but eventually they see past
"You really can't stay today?" asks Dane as he walks with me to his car. "No. I need to get back to my apartment and check in on it," I reply. "I could wait until you finished checking in? It wouldn't take more than a couple of minutes, right?" says Dane, his brows knitted together. "No. It would take a while. I need to be thorough," I say. "But couldn't I spend the night then? I can go and grab some clothes and sleep in your living room or something," says Dane desperately. Turning to look at him, I see that he's really upset that I'm spending the night at my apartment. It's Sunday, and I told him that I would need to go back. It's only one day, or one night really, but Dane is more than reluctant to let me go back to my apartment. His whole body language shows his feelings. Not that they're not present in his voice. His whole body is leaning forward, and his palms face me. And not to mention how he's very close to me. Even though he's always close to me. "It
Driving into the parking lot, I just manage to pull on my shoes. Not the ones that I used to break into the house with, but my tennis shoes. My black pants and shirt are folded up and sit in the bag next to me. One that I won't be taking to school. Now that we've parked, Ves can change. Jack was in the passenger seat, but he didn't want any cars passing by to see him half-naked. That would no doubt have raised a lot of questions. Coming to school was a part of the plan that I added on earlier yesterday night after I met up with everyone and we discussed our course of action. We originally thought of just taking the whole day to find the files, but I said how I wanted to be at school so I could be able to meet up with Dane, and not raise suspicion. Which is why we were pretty quick in searching the house and doing our little arson stunt. "So you didn't find the files?" asks Ves as she slips on a shirt. "No. But as you may have gathered, any files that were there are no
Can't you just say sorry? The question they ask again and again like a broken machine. Or the audio they play at fares. When you sit by one of the rides for so long that the recorded voice is familiar to you like your shadow. They ask it again. And again. And again. I wish it would stop. But not really. Talking helps to not think of him. Only a little. But it's more than what I can ask for. For now, I can only pretend that I don't feel guilt for what I've done. I've never felt it before. But I want it to stop. Almost as if a chain were around my neck and dangling into my hollow chest, it holds me down. Not nicely. I want it to stop. Sitting at the mall's food court, I look at the table blankly. Pike sits with me as the other three go and buy whatever. He tries to make conversation, but I'm too short to keep it alive. But that's natural. I'm a killer. Harboring life isn't in my nature. Mentally or physically. "How is art?" asks Pike. I look up from staring at the table and lo
Sitting in bed, I wait to see if whoever is ringing the doorbell has gone away. It's probably Ves or Pike. Maybe Mia or Jack. Or all of them. They've come around to pick me up to go to school, but I've skipped for about a week now. Maybe two. Days melt together when you don't have a routine.Ever since that day, I've been at home. I haven't even bothered to go out to shop. I just sit in my bedroom and sleep. And I go to the bathroom, and sometimes the kitchen to drink. But I hardly eat. Maybe an apple a day. Sometimes nothing.My phone I threw behind the couch and let the battery die. I don't care about talking anymore. To anybody. I just want to sit and die. And I'll never go back to school again. Ever.So I sit here and try to think of nothing. As my body slowly withers away.But whoever is ringing the doorbell is terribly persistent. Much more than anybody else who's come around to ring.I slowly turn my head to the side to look at the clock on my nightstand. It's ten in the mornin
Maybe I will go to school. I have been thinking about it. After I went shopping two nights ago, I've started to leave my apartment more. I haven't gone to school, but I've gone out. A small step to closure. I do eat too. A little. It's more than the previous amounts. I've at least stopped losing weight. But I'm not gaining any either. I guess it's good. But I still feel sad inside. Less from before, but still numb. Walking from my bedroom to my kitchen, I pull out a bowl and make some oatmeal. I usually eat this for breakfast and lunch. And dinner is usually some bread I toast with jam. Sometimes I go out and eat at one of the restaurants in my neighborhood. I thought of what Sean said. He said to find closure, and move on. After thinking about it for a while, I made a rough plan of what I could do in the future. After I turn eighteen in December, I intend to leave Lonewood. Reverting back to my original plan. Maybe I'll travel around and find a place I can be. In some island
After a week of school of avoiding Dane, as well as most of everyone else, I start to feel better. I can at least think about Dane without really feeling any form of regret or wistfulness. I feel a bit as if Pike betrayed me. Once in the cafeteria, and another at the parking lot. He most likely had some reason, but I still feel a bit of loathing for him. Small, but it's there.I don't care. I probably will not see anybody from my crew once I leave. And when I do see them again, I'll probably not hate them.Walking home, I swing by that little store I stumbled into the night I decided to turn my life sideways. Where I met Lewis. He's been sticky with me ever since that day at the cafeteria. We sometimes end up in the same place.Lewis happens to be in most of the classes that I take where Dane isn't there. We sometimes have conversations. He does most of the talking and I just watch him talk. Observing how his lips and his hands move around when he talks. It's entertaining. What he say
"You should come to my party this weekend!" says Lewis happily as he and Irene walk out with me from the cafeteria."Party, huh?" I say flatly.The idea bores me."Yeah! There will be cake, and cupcakes, and maybe pancakes. And a lot of fun stuff to do," goes off Lewis happily."And a lot of people, so you can see everybody," says Irene."Amazing," I say flatly."So you'll come?" asks Lewis."I didn't say that.""But will you?" questions Lewis excitedly.I stop walking and think for a moment. I have still about a month and a half left. It's the second week of November. And besides going to school, which I loathe, I really have nothing else to do. I work out maybe four times a week and go shopping. But besides those three, I pretty much sit in bed and relax. And read some books that I randomly pick out from the library.Not really entertaining."Who is invited to this party?" I ask."Only the seniors. But I can't guarantee if the juniors or any of the younger kids will be there. They m