The Car Ride

Kalama

I don’t need this today, I really don’t need this. Slamming the car door, I walk, more like stumble, to the front of the car. Taking a deep breath I open the hood to see what was happening. 

The steam hit me right in the face, but as always it did not make me cough or my eyes water, it just caressed me like a soft touch of a lover. Smoke coming from the engine is not a good sign, even I know that.

Shit!

Swearing internally, holding my mane of curly hair up with one hand, worrying my lip and thinking if I call dad to come help, it will not go over well with him. He was already pissed at me because I don’t help enough in the shop.

Still biting my bottom lip and fidgeting with my hair, I contemplated my options, which weren't much at the moment. Call dad to come get me and have him go mental on me never hear the end of it, or start walking to get to my meeting.

A meeting that by now, I am late for and have no desire to attend , but I have to be there. I’m not in the mood to hear how the clan is going to be my responsibility one day. How I’m going to lead them, when I know I don’t have leader qualities.

I wasn't able to lead the science project group I was in when I was at the University. I never could communicate my ideas well enough, or have courage to make the group listen to me.

Why my grandpa and mom think I will be the next chief is beyond me.

Pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger and scrunching my eyes, I call my dad.

With an uneasy feeling in my stomach, I wait for my dad to pick up the phone, knowing that I have to ask him a favor. A favor that includes him leaving his beloved blacksmith shop. Inhaling sharply, I clenched my fist. I hate that he finds the shop more important than me.

“Kalama, what is it this time?” I can hear the annoyance in his gruff voice. Even though I expected it, my heart clenched.

Why is it so difficult for him to treat me the same as he treats my sisters? 

“Sorry to bother you dad, I know you are busy with the shop.” Rolling my eyes when I said that, because how busy can he be to not help his own daughter out. 

Inhaling deeply to slow down my racing heart, I try to make my voice strong. “My car broke down on my way to mom’s office, could you come pick me up and take me to her?” And as always, it came out weak and pleading. 

Heaving a sigh before he answered, I was sure that he was pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, scrunching his eyes.

“Stay there and stay off the road, I’m coming to get you.” To my ears his voice sounded angry, or was it disappointment this time? With him, I never know if he is angry or disappointed with me.

Before I could tell him thank you, he ended the phone call. 

Looking at my phone, I was hoping he remembered that I like to take the long way to grandpa’s office, no it wasn’t grandpa’s office anymore, it's mom’s office now. Ever since she became the new Chief of the clan.

Still standing there, eyebrows all the way up and almost touching my hairline, I could not believe he did not yell or lecture me about taking better care of my car or that he has to close the shop because of me.  He even wanted me to stay safe. 

My brain was having problems processing that part of the conversation.

Walking back to my car, feeling somewhat relieved that dad was coming to get me. I remembered I didn’t call mom to notify her I’m running late. I opted on sending her a text message instead and explained why I was late, again. Don’t need a lecture from her, not now that I miraculously have escaped one from dad.

Knowing my mom, she will view this as another attempt to get out of her and grandpa persuading me to accept my future as chief in line.

I can hear her, “Kalama, it is not only your future we are talking about, it’s the entire clan’s future.”

Grabbing my keys and bag, slowly walking over to sit on an enormous boulder next to the edge of the forest, feeling uncertain about the upcoming car ride with my dad. The air feels nippy for the time of year.

Thinking about me becoming the chief some day, I try to enjoy the view of the forest while waiting for my dad to arrive.

I always love this road to mom’s office. One, because it’s long and gives me time to think about my arguments concerning why I do not want to be the future chief and second for the scenery.

Imagine a vast sea of green shades fly by your car windows. Every time I take this road, I have the windows down so the smell of the forest can get into the car. Pine trees mixed with the distinct scent of moist and fallen leaves. My favorite time to be in these parts is when winter is just ending and spring is announcing her arrival. The forest has a bright green color, almost glowing.

Next to the boulder, rows of trees with rough barks and thick layers of moss surrounding them. Giving the ground the illusion of softness. Sunlight seeping through the tree leaves and casting a gorgeous green with a mixture of gold light on the forest ground.

But something feels wrong. Worrying my lip, I slide off the boulder to inspect the forest; it has a strange glow and an uninviting eerie feel to it. The trees seem to be dying and the moss surrounding them is covered in patches of brown.

Strange.

At the sound of a car approaching, turning my head, I see my dad’s car slowing down and stopping behind mine. I forced myself to take a deep breath, taking in all the fresh air I could, knowing that the moment I step into the car, he will start his lecture, the one he spared me on the phone. The same old one on how he had to close his shop to help me out.

Fidgeting with the hem of my Supernova t-shirt, as to not bite on my nails, I steady myself and open the car door.

Without looking at my dad, I mumble, “Thank you for coming to pick me up.”  Keeping my eyes on the trees outside and holding my breath, waiting for him to say something or yell at me. But there was total silence. He did not even acknowledge me.

It was the longest shortest car ride ever.

Before the car came to a full stop, I had already opened the car door and got out. The silence in the car was suffocating. I needed to get away from the tension between my dad and I.