LOGINHe buttoned his shirt like his soul was elsewhere. He didn't even look at me. I smiled instead.I smiled at the familiarity of the system. Even though our bodies got close, our souls were elsewhere. Sex with James had never felt like a connection earned, it was a ritual completed. Just like today, I was satisfied most times, yet I still felt hollow. I felt used yet untouched.And silence? It settles even heavier than the sheets, always.He reached for his phone and walked out of the room, the door clicking shut behind him."Who's Anna by the way?", I muttered under my breath " It must be the lady at the restaurant".Well, that's on him.It's safer not to react. And, when it comes to him, I have taught my heart to stay quiet.He probably thought of having sex with her before coming into my room. But who cares?I wanted it, too.But, something lingered deep within me. Definitely not jealousy, hurt, or even anger.I don't care, so I can't be hurt.But I wonder why I pay attention to hi
I moved through the house with my life feeling like a stage, where I had to perform.Everything seemed timed, as if my days were trimmed or perhaps rearranged. It was starting to feel like He --Darius was deciding for me.I looked around the room, and the house looked convincing and quiet in the afternoon.My gaze landed on my picture with James standing in the corner of the room.From a distance, it looked like peace, like harmony but it was actually a marriage that's continuing because that's what's expected--- To endure and continue.My marriage looked like a script -- one I didn't write and was expected to follow.And somewhere, somewhere is taking notes."Does he really think he knows everything about me by just watching through a lens?", I muttered softly.The knock came just in time and it shattered the spell.The chef stood at the door, calm and ordinary after I asked her to open the door."Hello, Ma. You can come downstairs now", she said."Yes, Sure. Thanks". I replied I fo
A new day began and I woke up into an empty silence.Surprisingly, the thought of James struck my mind first. And somehow, it felt like my mind was softened towards him.Well, that's just how it is.Last night, it didn't fix anything between us, nor did it make things better."Hmmmmmm" I stretched I rose slowly, slid my feet into my slippers, and walked towards the bathroom.And on my way there, I made sure to avoid looking at the camera.I didn't want him to think I was under his control already. Last night, I sent him a message that I make my own choices, not someone else's, and that no one can take them away from me.He thought watching meant owning but I was glad I was able to show him the part of me that doesn't need him.I fixed my gaze on the bathroom mirror while I brushed. I still had the same face, same eyes, but I wasn't just confused anymore.I rinsed, washed my face, and headed down the stairs.Two staff greeted me on my way down to the kitchen, and I met James sitting d
It was just the two of us in the room, with no staff, but total quietness." You take things really hard. I wonder why it's hard for you to let go".I smiled faintly, like we were sharing a joke.He was trying to tilt the story and I wasn't interested in stopping him."What exactly are you aiming at?" I asked “We can’t keep doing this,” he said. “The tension. It’s not healthy.”I nodded, slowly.Of course, I didn't agree with him. But I wanted to wrap things up quickly. "Yeah, Miriam” he continued, “It's exhausting"I nodded again. "Yeah, it is."He glanced at me; he was probably expecting me to say more, but I didn't give it to him.He stepped forward now, voice soft but careless “I just don’t want this to turn into something bigger than it needs to be. We’re fine" "Yes, we are. We are really fine", I replied He stared at me, waiting for me to clarify or maybe argue.“You’re acting like I did something terrible,” he said.“I’m not acting like anything,” I replied. “ And I don't t
I slowly opened my eyes to find him standing beside my bed, his eyes fixed on me with an unnerving intensity, waiting for my judgment.Not clothed yet, he just stood there, relaxed as the space had always been his.My pulse throbbed in my throat.“You had no right.”He stepped closer then, “You’re right.”The admission threw me off.Why was he there then?He saw the confusion in my eyes, and continued “I didn’t do it because I had the right"."So why did you do it?", I asked "I explained earlier, Miriam. I was worried. I wanted to be sure you were safe" he saidSomething inside of me realigned itself with his words. I felt so irritated."You shouldn't be worried about me. You're pushing me, Darius", I replied “I know,” he said, voice low. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”"That's not the point. I don't care whether you acknowledge it or not. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be in my house at that time ", I spat He paused, then replied, "Okay. Maybe I'll show up in the day."My br
I spent most of that day wishing that it either happened again or that I relived that moment with my senses awake.It was evening and I'd just finished a meal, but the comfort and relaxation I usually felt at that time of the day eluded me."I'm ready to leave now, ma", the chef saidShe poked her head into the living room with a smile. I nodded in response, and now that she was changed into her casual fit, she looked even more like the lady who was with James the other day.But, whatever."Hey, Thanks for today. Did you pack the leftover chicken though? I enjoyed it", I said, winking at her "Yes ma, I did. It's in the fridge", she replied, blushing "Okay dear, you can leave then", I replied She bowed her head in respect, then turned and quietly exited the room.Just as she left, I felt a familiar itch for escape and without much thought, I went to my room, grabbed my keys, changed my dress, and went right out the door.I knew where I had to be, and it was with him. Despite the gro
I stared at the text. “Don’t be late.”I knew I didn’t want to find out what my lateness would cost, so I got dressed and left without the driver. I boarded a cab and went there.I was scared and uncertain, but I still went. I got there and walked into the apartment in this lonely off-town place. A
Scared I was exposed. I got up quickly and hid away the package I got and went to freshen up. I was panicking so bad, thinking: who was this person? Who saw me? I had a lot of questions, and I needed to uncover this secret. Nobody was supposed to find out about my secret.James got back. I kept on
I hurriedly got up, but the person had already left. I was wondering who could have seen me. Nobody should ever see me like this. I went to bed and eventually managed to sleep.The next day, I saw Jessica, and I kept looking at her face, hoping to see something. Anything. Who was in the house with
“Shame is a collar they give you young. I didn’t know how good it would feel to take it off.”I remember the first time I had sex.I didn’t want it.And James didn’t care.He moaned in pleasure while I cried beneath him.I also remember my mother’s words about sex:“It’s not for you to enjoy,” she







