LOGINI didn’t sleep again. At 3am I had returned to Jessica's house and was on her couch with my laptop burning my thighs and a blanket I hadn’t touched."Show me," Jessica said, voice low. I hesitated, then turned the screen toward her.The forum was still up. Archived. My username from 4 years ago: m_hidden19 My last post: "What if the only way I feel free is if I’m not the one choosing?"Under it, 2 replies. The first was some troll. But the second was from a D_arkVisitor:"If you ever mean it, I’ll help you mean it. No judgment. No rescue. Just you, deciding."Jessica read it out loud. Then looked at me. "That phrasing," she said quietly. "Doesn't that sound like Darius's?"My stomach dropped at the statement. I clicked his profile, but it was deleted. But the site kept quote-replies. And there, buried under 4 years of threads, was my reply to him."You wouldn’t know how. You don’t know me."Sent: June 3rd, 2:14am. From an IP address I still used. It was from the first home James
I didn’t sleep. At 6:40am the sky turned grey and I was still sitting on the bathroom floor with my phone, the collar on the counter, and 6 drafts staring back at me.All sent from a burner email I made at 19.miriam.hidden@gmail.comI opened the first one.Date: March 12th, 4 years ago.To:Subject: If you’re serious [redacted]"I don’t want to be asked. I want to be told. Then I want to choose to obey. Can you do that without making me feel small afterwards?"I read it twice. My hands went cold.That was Darius’ exact tone. Low. Certain. No pleading.Second draft."Don’t convince me to stay. If I leave, let me. If I come back, it’s because I decided to."Word for word what he said to me last night.The third draft was worse.A list. Tasks. Boundaries. Safe words. Things I told myself I’d never say out loud. Things I had just lived through with him.I closed the app. I opened it again. Like that would miraculously change the things that were there. Maybe someone hacked me. Maybe it wa
The car was still. I hadn't started it, too confused with the thoughts that spiraled in my head. I just sat still, stains of his release still covered my dress. The strap of my gown had slid down to reveal an almost red spot where he'd bit me. My nipples still ached from his mouth. My pussy still throbbed from his size and how good he'd made me feel. But somehow, those feelings weren't enough to settle me. The hotel behind me was still. Everything felt like they were holding their breath. Waiting..My phone screen lit up in my hand."Do you now know why you keep choosing me?"I didn’t answer. Because the question wasn’t about Darius anymore. It was about me. I thought I loved the freedom. I thought I wanted it. But I wasn't so sure anymore. How could I? When freedom was looking like it should?I started the engine. The road was empty at 12:20am. Lagos at night always felt like a secret. Like the city was holding its breath just for you.I drove without music. Just the sound of my bre
I left earlier after Jessica called, her voice still lingering in my head even after the line went dead. She had dropped the call and then disappeared into whatever life waited for her outside mine.Now, i was in my room, unable to sleep. The house was silent, not calm because my mind wasn't. Not restful. Just… silent in a way that pressed against my ears, like it was asking me questions.I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling, counting the slow rhythm of my breathing. It didn’t help. My mind refused to settle.It kept drifting back to Darius.I shut my eyes briefly, as if that would block him out, but it only made things worse.His voice came clearer in the dark. The way he spoke, low and calculated.I turned sharply onto my side."No," I muttered under my breath.But denial didn’t erase memory. If anything, it sharpened it.The way he watched me. Greedily, hungrily, and.... intently, all at once. Like he was studying something he already understood but wanted to confirm.That loo
The house remained quiet long after I sat down in the living room.For a while, I leaned back in the chair, staring at nothing in particular while the faint echo of Darius’s message lingered on my phone screen.Already missing me?I should have ignored it. Instead, my fingers walked across the keyboard."Stop patting yourself on the back, mister", I replied His reply came almost instantly."I usually am".A faint smile tugged at my lips before I could stop it.That was the problem with Darius. He had a way of slipping into my thoughts long after he was gone, leaving behind the feeling that something unfinished still lingered between us.I set the phone aside and walked slowly through the house.It felt unusually empty tonight. The silence pressed against the walls in a way that made every step sound louder.James still wasn’t home. Part of me wondered where he was. Another part… didn’t care as much as it probably should have.I poured myself a glass of wine and stepped out onto the
Morning crept into Darius’s hotel room, slipping through the tall curtains in soft streaks of gold. The light rested gently on the floor before climbing slowly toward the bed, where I lay awake long before I intended to.I decided to sleep over at the hotel last night.The room was quiet except for the faint hum of the air conditioner and the distant sounds of traffic far below. The sheets were warm around me, carrying the lingering scent of cologne and the kind of intimacy that made the night feel suspended in time.Behind me, the mattress shifted slightly."You’re awake".Darius’s voice came low and calm, touched with that familiar confidence that never seemed to leave him.I turned my head slowly.He was already propped against the headboard, one arm resting behind his head as he studied me with quiet amusement."How long have you been watching?" I asked.He smiled faintly."Long enough to know you weren’t sleeping".I exhaled a quiet laugh and rolled onto my back, stretching bene
I wanted things to work between James and I. I wanted so badly for him to see me as more than just a woman he married, more than just a possession he could bring out, decorate, fuck, and tuck away when he was done. Maybe if he ever looked at me like I mattered, like I had desires too, I wouldn't h
I stared at the text. “Don’t be late.”I knew I didn’t want to find out what my lateness would cost, so I got dressed and left without the driver. I boarded a cab and went there.I was scared and uncertain, but I still went. I got there and walked into the apartment in this lonely off-town place. A
Scared I was exposed. I got up quickly and hid away the package I got and went to freshen up. I was panicking so bad, thinking: who was this person? Who saw me? I had a lot of questions, and I needed to uncover this secret. Nobody was supposed to find out about my secret.James got back. I kept on
“Shame is a collar they give you young. I didn’t know how good it would feel to take it off.”I remember the first time I had sex.I didn’t want it.And James didn’t care.He moaned in pleasure while I cried beneath him.I also remember my mother’s words about sex:“It’s not for you to enjoy,” she







