004: When Drowning Feels Like Flying

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:SLOANE ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

✦ ✧ ✦

I hit the pool with a suddenness that shook the very fibre of my being. The cold slammed into me like a thousand knives.

But the moment my body crashed through the surface, something happened. Something I'd never felt before.

Relief.

The peace that came with the inability to fight.

I can't swim.

Like physically. I never learned. Was too busy learning other survival skills. But let's not pretend that's why I'm sinking into Lexter's twelve-feet pool.

Let's not pretend that's why I didn't even fight.

Let's not pretend I don't just want to... disappear.

Okay, before you judge me for wanting to end it all "for a guy," you don't know the half of it.

My mom left when I was five. Just woke up one day and disappeared. And my dad never wanted me. Never wanted to see me. Never wanted to know me. Which makes sense for the daughter of the other woman. So eventually I ended up with my stepdad and his three sons.

How's that going?

Not great.

So maybe for this brief moment, dying doesn't seem so bad.

Ironic though.

Because I'm the type of girl who stays positive despite everything. Some stupid part of me still believes I deserve better. That's why I ended up in a pool with Lexter Gray in the first place. That's why I dared to think the college king could want me.

God, I want to erase this entire night.

I can't live past it.

Dying is easier.

Just let go.

Let. Go. Sloane.

It'll hurt less when you do.

The water pressed against my chest. My lungs screamed. Everything blurred into murky darkness that felt almost gentle.

Almost kind.

Just a little longer.

Then suddenly there were arms. Strong. Pulling.

No.

No no no.

I didn't ask for this.

But the arms kept pulling. Dragging me up through the cold until I broke the surface. Air slammed into my lungs so hard it burned. I choked. Coughed. Water spewing from my mouth and nose.

"Breathe. Fucking breathe."

That voice.

His voice.

I couldn't stop coughing. Couldn't stop shaking. My body convulsed against something solid. Something warm.

His chest.

I was in Lexter Gray's arms.

He was in the pool with me. Holding me. One arm locked around my waist. The other under my knees. Water dripped from his dark hair. Those forest green orbs staring down at me like I was something precious.

Like I wasn't Four-Eyes.

Like I wasn't a joke.

He lifted me out of the pool in one smooth motion. Set me down on the deck. Then dropped beside me, pulling me onto his lap like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Come on. Cough it out. That's it."

His hand moved to my back. Rubbing in slow circles while I hacked up pool water.

The cold was unbearable. My teeth chattered so hard I thought they'd crack.

"Keep coughing. Get it all out."

I did. I couldn't stop. Water. Tears. Everything poured out while his arms stayed locked around me.

"What the fuck are you doing, Lexter?"

Ashley's voice cut through the haze.

"Back the hell up, Ashley." His muscles contracted around me.

I coughed harder. More water came up.

"Good. That's good. Breathe."

His hand never stopped moving on my back.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Lexter?" Ashley's heels clicked closer.

"She almost drowned."

"So?"

"It's sixteen degrees down there." Lexter rasped. "She was in there for over twenty seconds."

Ashley scoffed. "You were fucking counting?"

My body wouldn't stop shaking. The cold was inside me now. In my bones.

"She could have died." He said it like he was talking to himself.

Was that fear in his voice?

"So?" Ashley shrugged. "I bet no one would miss her."

"Except the books in the fucking library!" Styles trumped.

More laughter.

"God, can you fucking stop laughing?" Lexter yelled.

I tried to focus. Tried to breathe. But everything hurt.

"Lexter." Ashley shrieked when he stood with me in his arms. "Put. Her. Down."

"Move."

"Excuse me?"

"I said move." He moved forward.

"Where are you taking her?"

I couldn't help it. My arms went around his neck. Holding on. Because if I let go I'd fall apart.

"Get out of my way, Ashley."

"She's faking it. She's fine."

"She's hypothermic. And you pushed her."

"I didn't push her. She fell."

"You backed her into the fucking edge." He fired back.

"Well since when did you grow a dick of care?!"

Lexter pressed forward, his growl sounded unreal. "Move. Now."

"Lexter Gray, if you take that ugly bitch upstairs I swear to God..."

"Then swear." He moved past her. Through the crowd. "Get the fuck out of my house. All of you."

"What?"

"You heard me. Out. Now."

I pressed my face against his neck. Shaking so hard my bones rattled. His skin was warm. I breathed him... mint and musk... and it made my head spin.

He took the stairs and kicked open a door.

His room.

I'd never been in a guy's room before. Never been carried like this. Never almost drowned.

He set me down on his bed.

It was so soft.

Then he moved to the wall. Turned on the heater. Grabbed a towel. Came back. Knelt in front of me.

"I have to take off your clothes, Sloane."

I nodded. What else could I do? I couldn't feel my fingers. Couldn't stop shaking.

He worked quickly. My sneakers first. Then my glasses. Then his hands found the hem of my dress. He peeled it off gently,

The air hit my skin and I gasped.

"I know. I know it's cold. Just hold on."

He grabbed another towel. Started drying my arms. My shoulders. My hair.

"We're going to get under the covers. Is that okay?"

I nodded again.

He pulled back the blankets. Helped me slide in. Then he stripped off his wet shirt.

Oh God.

I should look away.

I couldn't.

His body was ridiculous. All muscle. Tattoos and definition.

He kicked off his jeans. Left them in a wet heap. Then climbed into bed beside me in just his boxer briefs.

"I'm going to hold you now."

His arms came around me. Pulled me against his chest.

"Fuck. You're freezing."

I was. I couldn't stop shaking. My teeth chattered.

He pulled me closer. Tucked my head under his chin. One hand rubbing up and down my back. The other wrapped around my waist.

His body was so warm.

So real.

"Just breathe. Just keep breathing."

I tried. But everything hurt. Everything felt broken.

"You're okay. I've got you. You're safe."

Safe.

When was the last time I felt safe?

His hand kept moving. Up and down my spine.

"That's it. Just breathe for me."

I don't know how long we stayed like that. The shaking started to ease. Just a little. The cold, loosening its grip.

His arms never left.

"Why didn't you fight?" His whisper brushed against my hair.

"What?"

"In the pool. You didn't fight."

"I can't swim." My throat felt scratchy.

"I know. But you didn't even try. You just... went under."

And just like that, the anger came.

Like a match struck in a dark room.

All the words he said to me came flooding back. Every cruel syllable. Every moment he made me feel like I was something and then ripped it all away.

{Kissing you was painful.}

{Pure fucking torture.}

{I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last fuck on earth.}

My brain finally recovered from the cold. From the fear of dying.

And I remembered.

I remembered everything.

I didn't want his touch anymore.

I didn't want his warmth.

I only wanted distance.

Miles and miles between me and this boy who made me want to die.

I didn't just hate him.

It was something stronger.

Something that burned hotter than the heater in this room.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I whispered hoarsely.

I twisted. Tried to pull out of his arms. "Why? Why do you have your hands on me?"

His grip tightened. "Sloane—"

I shoved at his chest with everything I had. "Get your fucking hands off me, Lexter Gray."