KILL THAT DREAM

"You want me to say it? Fine! You are too fat, you can never be a successful actress,Charlotte.

What makes you think you will get a role in the audition? How many female actors of your size do you see in a Chinese drama getting major roles? And worse you are mixed with black. Be realistic".

Those were the words of my boyfriend,Jun, after I told him about my upcoming audition for a movie.

I tried to keep my emotions in check.

"Why do you say it like being mixed with black is a bad thing? Besides there are many plus size female actors in Hollywood"

I replied.

"Oh you want to go to America? You will sure make a good comedy show,look I don't mean to make you feel bad, especially when you are suicidal. But why not stick to the waitress job that I suggested and quit this idea of being an actress".

I looked down sadly.

"I came because I wanted to seek your encouragement. I didn't know you would get this upset."

"Upset?"

Jun said with a humorless laugh.

"You think I'm just upset? That's my problem with you".

I looked up at him with glistening eyes.

"Acting has been my dream,since I was child. Why can't you support me in this?"

"Because It's silly!" he snapped back, his voice rising.

"I'm your boyfriend, Charlotte. You're supposed to respect me. If you cared about me, you wouldn't even be arguing about this. You will stick to the waitress job, like I told you to do.".

"Jun, you know I love and do care about you. I've been loyal to you. Always. Why can't you for once, support me? I am trying, I really am."

"Maybe, if you weren't this average and unnecessarily fat, it could be hopeful".

I was speechless at that statement.

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, Charlotte.No one want to see all of you on their screen. You complain that you got bullied as a waitress. Well news flash, you will get more hate as an actress on the screen. Do you want to be bullied online too?"

My throat tightened.

"I was 'unnecessarily fat' when you approached me. Why didn't you say you didn't like plus size and go for slim women?" I asked with a frown. "I loved you with your flaws too, you know that. Don't act like you're perfect."

Jun scoffed, offended.

He rolled his tongue and looked me up and down.

I looked at myself too,I was wearing something close to a maternity gown. According to Jun that's what suits me the most. Suits my body type,the most.

Since he was my boyfriend I had accepted his dressing choice for myself.

"You're lucky I've put up with you for this long. I've been managing you. Be honest, how many men were there before me? None! It's hard to find a man when you look like a middle aged, divorced single mother with kids. You are twenty-nine and unmarried what did that tell you? You think you have options?"

Those words landed like a slap.

"Do you know how cruel those words are, Jun?"

I sobbed as tears rolled down my eyes.

"Don't get all sensitive, Charlotte. I'm just being honest. So if you want this relationship to work, you know what you need to do. I can't put up with the shame all the time. Family, friends, have been on my neck. You have no idea how much shame I have been fighting by having you by my side as my girlfriend?"

I looked down slowly.

"You are.... ashamed of me?"

"Ashamed is an understatement."

He scoffed.

I looked up at him, my tears rolling freely down my cheeks.

"I never forced you to love me, Jun. Why did you even date me if you are embarrassed to be seen with me or anything like that. You made me think you are the one...someone who finally understood me and all of a sudden you are acting like a man with no atom of compassion and love for me".

"Now, I am the bad guy for dating a hopeless fat twenty-nine years old woman in China, do you think someone out there will look at you twice?"

I was about to reply, when a familiar sultry voice called from inside the apartment.

"Jun baby!"

That voice...

"Is that....?"

I paused and looked at him in both doubt and surprise.

Jun closed his eyes in regret and murmured,

"Fuck."

Suddenly, the door opened and a blonde lady appeared, wearing nothing but Jun's oversized shirt, her unclad body on full display.

Her heavy massive titts bouncing as she walked towards us.

Jun rubbed his neck.

"Chloe?"

I whispered in disbelief.

I stood there like a statue, staring at Chloe, my younger sister....half sister.

My lips parted, but no sound came.

"Opps,hey Charlotte".

She said and turned back.

I shifted my gaze to Jun.

"You... You're... cheating on me, with my sister?"

I said, her voice trembling.

He ran his fingers through his hair, then turned to me with a frown and suddenly snapped.

"Half sister".

"She is still my sister! You!...."

I couldn't finish my sentence and looked away, sobbing silently.

"And whose fault is that? You've been ignoring me lately. What did you expect? For me to just wait around while you chase after your stupid dreams? Besides I am a man, I need to have sex. You kept blabbering about keeping it until the wedding night. This is 2025. Who still makes such decisions? You are twenty nine and a virgin...at this point it's a shame. I can't keep waiting for you, Charlotte."

I stared at him, impulsively holding my hand to my chest. I felt a sudden sharp tightness in my chest.

"You made me feel small. Made me question my worth just to cover up the fact that you're a liar and a cheat. Just a few minutes ago, I was willing to give up my dream for you, and this is what I get?"

Uncontrollable hot tears rolled down my face,my heart was hurting sharply, stabbing so much, so much that I started panicking.

"What is happening to me?"

I cried loudly as I gripped my chest.