STEP UP

I gasped loudly and opened my wet, stinky eyelids.

Same dream again.

Ever since I caught my ex-boyfriend in bed with my sister, I've been having recurring dreams like this that won't stop until I wake up with tears streaming down my face.

Being hurt by the people you love the most-that's another level of pain.

I should've known better.

It's just... I thought he would be different.

I thought I had found the one because he was on the bigger side, and he convinced me that he had the same insecurities about his body. He said he could relate to my emotions and struggles.

I thought we were bonding through shared vulnerability.

Turns out, I was just bait-always the bait-for the main prize.

And he had the audacity to do on my birthday.

Now, all I feel is foolish.

I wiped under my eyes, got up from the bed, then walked straight to my weight scale.

Seeing the numbers broke my heart.

"What, I gained more?!"

I snapped sadly as tears welled up in my eyes in frustration.

I looked at the table in the corner of my room, full of weight loss pills, appetite suppressants... and antidepressants.

My table looks like a damn local pharmacy.

"The drugs are not as effective as I was told. I was careful with my diet and workouts preparing for the audition. How on earth did I gain more? Could it be stress?"

I muttered, disappointed.

Suddenly, I felt a pain in my chest. I took deep breaths trying to calm my heart.

I need to step up and prove Jun wrong.

Not just Jun.

My family.....

I have been dealing with this since I was a child. I can't let this heartbreak ruin my dream of becoming an actress.

I sighed and walked into the bathroom.

I turned on the shower and got lost in thought concerning the audition. Passing this audition is going to be a big breakthrough for me.

Jun's voice came back.

"Just look at yourself in the mirror, Charlotte. No one wants to see all that fat on their screen."

I stared at myself in the mirror, my hands trembling as I touched my tummy folds and my underarm fat.

"I do hope they look beyond your appearance, Charlotte and consider your passion and your talent. Please, God, I can't lose this time, I will lose my mind ."

I closed my eyes as tears rolled down freely from them.

A few minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, towel wrapped around my chest, water dripping down my legs.

I dried my body and walked to my closet to pick my outfit.

A high-waisted baggy jeans and a simple top.

Putting on the high-waist jeans was a struggle.

I collapsed onto the edge of my bed and yanked the zipper up with both hands.

I exhaled, tried again.

"Come on, come on."

I bounced slightly, tugging at the waistband, shimmying my way in like I was wrestling a python.

Eventually, the zipper gave in.

I sighed in relief, took my comb and brushed my curls, then put them up in a big bun.

"I guess I am good to go."

I muttered checking myself out on the mirror.

My eyes went to the childhood sketches of myself which I taped on my wall.

I had pictured future me being slim and shapely like my mother, except for the skin complexion.

My glance shifted to another sketch of myself on the television-the brown crayon painted as my skin, and the black crayon used for my curls.

I smiled sadly.

"I hope your dream comes true, Charlotte."

Just then, my alarm rang on my phone, giving me a jump start.

"Shit! I can't get there late!"

I rushed to the kitchen and forced down a bowl of steamed veggies.

Then back to the room and popped two appetite suppressants.

Picked up my bag and rushed outside.