(2) Regret and Lucid Dreaming

Xavier's POV

A lot has changed over the years. My companies has completely flourished going beyond limits I never imagined. I was and still is being featured in magazines, tv shows and guest judging talent shows. I am even at peace with my family after they all decided to forget what happened and move on, surprisingly it drew us closer together as a family.

Even though I'm very pleased with where I am I just can't stop thinking about her. Her skin, her laugh, her hair, that tearful look she had after I told her I wasn't ready for a child. I honestly regret everything. I shouldn't have let her walk out on me. I should have accepted our baby. I should have told her that I would be there for our child as often as I could be showering him or her with love and adoration.

It's funny how it still eats me up after all this time. After all these years. My heart ache thinking about it. If only I did the right thing. It's far too late for apologies, far too late for pretty much anything. I just have to accept that. She doesn't want me to be there for our child. I've fucked up. 

"You thinking about her again?" I felt a nudge at my side causing my game console to fall on the floor.

"The fuck?" I glare my friend who shoots me a smirk. His fingers are crammed down on his controller as he gains momentum and passes me on the last bend. Snatching up the thing I began focusing on passing back out Alec.

He's so fucking far ahead. This is useless.

This is what my free time consists of now, getting beaten by my dick-head friend in Need For Speed. I pretty much don't have time for anything else except work. My sex game isn't what it use to be since I'm still held up on this woman. I can't even go far with most of the women I bring around, I just can't bring myself to. I have a family out there for God sakes.

I don't even know how they are. Are they okay? Does the child ask about me? Who's she dating? Would she have forgiven me if she knew what was really in my heart?

All those questions rest on my brain. I really don't have the answers and it's so fucking frustrating. She constantly rejects all the money I sent to her, all the money I sent for them both over the past couple years. I am just a coward hiding once again behind the stacks of money I have. I should have been there instead of trying to send all that money. The only thing I know from what Alex told me is that they were both alright and that she got a real job and is in a stable place. The last I heard she moved from Seattle.

Maybe she went back to New York to live with her foster parents. I'm not a hundred percent sure.

Maybe I should have my PI track them down. It's my child after all and I have the right to be in his or her life. Then again it's maybe best if I just stayed away all together, I've been missing for so long showing up now will just throw off everything and cause confusion for the little one.

I'll just stay away and continue to live my life.

I throw the controller down hard. I did not even wince at the loud thud that ricocheted off the glass table. My whole body is just numb. "I'm done man,"

"But we haven't even-" he begins to protest holding on to his console.

"I just can't. I'm taking the rest of the day to rest. My week is going to be pretty hectic." I get up holding back a yawn, "I'm basically gonna travel the country in the span of seven days plus I have this presentation I'm to prepare for a elementary school's career day."

"I understand man. Go get some rest,"

"Yeah," I walk over to the stairs. "Just remember to sign out when you're going,"

Not waiting for an reply I jog up the stairs, blowing heavily once I reach the top. It's not that long but I'm still winded. Haven't been working out like I use to. Smacking my lips, I continue down the long hall to my bedroom.

I immediately strip down to my underwear once I got inside. Kicking my clothes aside I crawl on the bed deciding to leave the blinds open. Laying on my side I look out at the Space Needle that stands boldly against the other sleek skyscrapers. I silently continue watching the other high buildings until I feel.my eyes getting heavy.

I have no idea when I fell asleep but I know I did.

"Daddy why don't you love me?" A bright green-eyed boy stood in front of my office desk. His entire face metamorphosed in a sad teary expression.

"I do love you son," I began putting my files one side. I gestured for him to come around to sit on my lap. Once he was mounted on it I began. "Look I just have some things that's more important right now. Can you understand that Jacob?"

He slowly nod his head, "momma said I was not apart of your plan. What did she mean?"

I sighed bitting my tongue, "nothing Jay. She was probably just tired."

Accepting this as a solid answer he slowly grinned at me, "I thought you hated me daddy,"

"Never," I flashed him a bright smile. "daddy's just busy with work that's all."

"Okay," he jumped from my lap and ran to the office door beaming. "Mommy's here,"

I got up also and walked over to meet my wife briefly kissing her on her soft sweet lips.

"Hi Xavier," she smiled at me, her hazel eyes twinkled with excitement. She then turned to our son, "can you give daddy and mommy some time Jay?"

He shook his head. He looked slightly disappointed, "you can go to the lounge room. Ask my assistant to get you some toys,"

He grinned excitedly at this before he ran off slamming the door behind him.

Zoey grinned as she hang her hands loosely around my neck. "He runs fast,"

"Gonna be a star footballer like his uncle," I commented.

"I have a question though Xavier," she sighed.

I loosen my hold on her, "what's wrong baby?"

"Why did you leave us Xavier? Why did you neglect Jacob?"

"What?" I asked a little confused. I'm here, always have been, always will be. "I'm here baby. I never went away,"

"No you're not," she continued casually, her hands still secured around my neck. "You've never been. I had to raise him myself. Look,"

She pointed to the door. A man with the same piercing green eyes stood at the threshold of my office. He looks so damn familiar.

"You left us," he kept on repeating. "You left us,"

"What that fuck?!" I jump up looking around. A sigh of relief escapee my lips when I realize I am in the bedroom of my penthouse. Beyond the glass windows, dusk has started to congregate.

The thin sheet sticks to my sticky torso as I brace myself up in bed. I weakly raise the back of my hand to my forehead; it's so hot and sweaty.

Getting out of bed I walk into the huge bathroom and flick on the lights.

I mindlessly wash my sweaty face from the facet, yhe running water echoes in the empty room. A familiar ache starts to raise its ugly head but I quickly dismiss it. I instead stare over at my reflection in the huge built in mirror, a tired man with water dripping off his face stared back at me. His eyes void of an once of emotion outwardly but just beyond the clear of his eyes brewed a turmoil of excruciating pain and sadness. 

Tearing my gaze away I grab a clean towel and dry my face before dumping it on the counter. Without a second glance, I exit the bathroom, knowing very well that I may not fall asleep again for a long time.

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Kellisa Kelly