5

Every single word dug into me like a shard. Like a strange judgment on our past and my own decision that Ollie didn't want to accept at the time.

My hands were shaking, so I dug my fingers into my thighs with force.

And he didn't miss it. The whole damn time he was stalking me like a beast preying on him.

And the song relentlessly continued. "Is this really how it ends? Is this how we say goodbye? I should have known from the beginning that you would bring me to tears one day. It breaks my heart to see you running away from me because I know you're living a lie. But that's okay, baby, because in time you'll find that... you only get what you give. You only get what you give..."

The last sentence was repeated over and over, and I was probably getting dizzy. Because somewhere inside I felt the truth in that text, which hit me to the core.

But Ollie didn't give me a break. He pulled the microphone from the stand and jumped off the stage, and I watched in horror as he came straight towards me. He got down on one knee and looked up so that he could gaze into me bit by bit. He used to do this when we were still dating. I always laughed about it and felt madly in love. But now? I felt cornered as he began to sing the second stanza and narrowed his eyes as he put so much emotion into every word that it made my breath catch in my throat.

“So honey, I remember everything she asked for. She said you're packing, and maybe I should do the same. The funny thing is, I was ready to give you my name. I thought it was the two of us, baby..." Ollie growled the address with such verve and feeling that it gave me goosebumps again. "... But now all that's left is shame, because apparently I was wrong."

He slowly got up and walked back to the stage, where he continued, “I don't want to think about it; I don't want to talk about it. It makes me sick. I can't believe it ends like this. It's confusing me; I feel sadness around me. I cannot live without you. Say, is that fair?"

His voice soared and filled every corner of the room. He was everything. He became the air I breathed. He became the air that suffocated me.

I finally managed to move. I jumped to my feet, ran out of the room, and ran down the stairs, which I took two at a time. With a ragged breath, I pushed the door open. I took two sluggish steps, leaning against the wall of the building and trying to breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

But it didn't help. Thoughts of Ollie had been coming back all too often lately. How is he? What does? Is it fine? So many unanswered questions intermingled with memories that came alive at night, reminding me that Ollie knew my own body better than anyone else.

And now here he was, singing to me something that tore me apart because it dawned on me... it dawned on me now that he hadn't come to terms with our breakup all this time.

“Dad? Are you okay?" came from the door.

I realized that I had slid down the wall into a crouch and was staring blankly ahead. "Sure, fine. I've never been better."

June, who never left me alone in anything, crouched next to me. She was silent for a moment before blurting out, "So I have a feeling she wants you back."

I didn't know whether to burst into hysterical laughter or start crying. "No... Not by chance. He just wanted to make me eat it," I protested desperately. It had to be. I couldn't bring myself to accept that there was anything else to it.

"I really don't think so," June retorted lightly, as if she didn't want to scare me any further. I must have looked really miserable walking up to me so cautiously.

I hit the ground because my legs didn't want to carry me anymore. “What the hell am I supposed to do?” I asked, hoping he would have some good advice.

“Like now or in general?” She assured me, and I thought I could hear a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Both."

June scowled next to me and took a moment to reply, “Well… now you might as well have a beer while I'm driving. And overall? You should give him another chance."

The beer sounded like a good idea; the rest didn't. "June, I have David after all," I reminded her, almost burnt out.

"Um... and does David have you?" she said thoughtfully.

I shot her a look. "What do you mean by that?"

She shrugged. “Dad, I haven't known you for two weeks, but for nine years. And it's about time... Damn, we're old, aren't we?" She giggled, and I slapped her thigh to bring her back to reality. "Well sure... so I guess I meant I saw you with Ollie. You two were like... Well, you always reminded me of tango dancers. Your relationship was in constant motion. He moved away, you moved closer, and vice versa. Whatever one of you was going through, the other immediately responded to it. There was joy, passion, tears, and anger, but also love and—"

I raised my hand, interrupting her train of thought. "Didn't you want to talk about David?"

She gave me a big smile that made her cheeks dimple and knocked my arm down. "Sure, I needed an opening speech to highlight it enough."

I raised my eyebrows. "And what?"

"That you two and David have nothing to do with it," she informed me with icy calmness.

This simple answer probably knocked the air out of my lungs again. "Why do you think that?" I asked, a little choked up.

"That boy is completely oblivious to you. He drags you to his parents' parties where you don't feel good, he makes fun of your clothes, he listens to other music and won't let you listen to yours, and he usually makes it obvious in the coffee shop that you're his... as if the mere fact that you're together isn't enough. He always has to hug you and look important. For two whole years, he subtly stomps on everything you are to make you his ideal accessory. There is nothing real about it. It's all just what meets the eye, only superficial. If you look further, you won't find anything there at all."

I listened but wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me. “But… but… David loves me.” It sounded more like a desperate plea than something I was adamant about.

June grimaced. "Dad, you do everything possible for him, even if you don't like it. What's the last thing David did for you that pushed you out of your comfort zone? You were at the opera house, and I don't know where else. Has he ever gone to the movies or to a metal concert because of you?"

No. Every time I brought up something like that, he had a different agenda.

I suddenly didn't know what to say.

But June didn't wait for my answer. She turned her head towards me and drilled me with her green eyes. "And you... are you happy with him?"

At any other time, I would say yes without hesitation. But her speech tore me to pieces, and I wasn't sure of anything at all.

And she waited a moment to give me a chance to answer. When I didn't say anything, she reached out to me and started pulling on the leather cord around my neck. "And then there's this."

She waved a silver Thor's hammer in front of my eyes.

I quickly snatched the pendant from her hand, pulled it over her head, and threw it into my purse.

I didn't wear it every day. Only sometimes. I had no idea June knew about it. I thought that was the kind of knowledge she would immediately flash in my face. So I was damn wrong.

"It means nothing. I just like her," I growled at her.

She giggled, a knowing twinkle in her eyes. "Yeah, I forgot you're such a fan of Norse mythology."

I didn't answer it because I had nothing to defend myself. Definitely nothing that would stand up right now after this whole conversation.

And June was silent too.

Metal blared from the window above us, dominated by Ollie's singing, and two guys climbed out of the door of the building, who inadvertently disrupted our moment together.

June and I both got up as if on command. She looked at me and smiled a little. "So, should I take you home?"

She surprised me with that; I knew how much she was looking forward to her brother and the whole band. And in most cases she pursued her own interests. She wasn't selfish... she just knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to get it. "Would you really do that?"

She crinkled her nose, offended. "Well, of course, yes. I'd probably scold you the whole way, but yeah. I'll take you away if you don't give it today."

I rubbed my temples with my fingers and took a deep breath to brace myself. “No... No, thank you. I will stay here. I probably need some answers.”

"Well, don't talk. Are you gathering your lost courage?” She dug into me as she took me by the shoulders and pushed me back towards the entrance of the rehearsal room.